Lil Tidbits - 6/21/10(Contain Spoilers)

Today, I've decided to go for another type of format: the quick review. I've seen a bunch of films lately, and wanted to post stuff about them here. So, drum roll please:

• Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time: Starring Non-Persian Jake Gyllenhaal(just saying) and my new crush, the beautiful and underrated Gemma Arterton(Clash of the Titans' Io)...seriously, she is underused in my opinion. Anyway, it is based on Playstation's Sands of Time Trilogy, and bits and pieces of the games are sprinkled throughout the narrative. Yes, we gets some great bits of parkour, like the first game(the only one I've played so far), but no sand demons to suck the magic sands from(because that would have obviously made the film's quest too easy...not that it was easy, but I digress). Anyway, the film excited me, not because it was based off of the games, but because it was made by the union of Walt Disney/Jerry Bruickheimer, the same minds behind the awesome Pirates of the Carribean franchise. Anyway, the story is formula in a sense, where two clashing personalities, Prince Dastan and Princess Tamina, have to go on a journey after a series of unfortunate circumstances involving an invasion of a holy city accused of producing weapons of mass destruction(wow, that doesn't sound familiar, doesn't it?), the death of Dastan's adopted father, the King of Persia(branding Dastan falsely as the murderer), and...ostrich racing. I'm not kidding. While fun, the film suffers from not really providing any memorable script-wise, and while there is at least one shocking scene involving Dastan and one of his adopted brothers, the supposed big twist about the King's brother? Saw that coming miles away. This movie rates a B-.
• Karate Kid: As an African-American, I have to be honest: The Karate Kid of the Reagan Era wasn't trained in Kung Fu. HA! Thought I was saying something else, did you? But, I have to be fair here...I'm boycotting The Last Airbender because of the insulting white casting, so this Jaden Smith vehicle(starring the son of megastars Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith) can't really be let off the hook...or can it? After all, Dre Parker(Jaden Smith's character...and that's a cliche' black name if I've ever heard one) is an entirely new character to begin with, different from Italian Daniel LaRusso(Ralph Macchio). Instead of the Okinawan Mr. Miyagi(Pat Morita), we have the Chinese Mr. Han(played very well by Jackie Chan), and the setting is Beijing, not California or Okinawa. So in essence, we have only the bare elements of the original films...and in this case, that is usually what should be used when making these remakes...tell entirely different versions of classic stories. Still, I'm also of a mind of this film simply being its own franchise, the Kung-Fu Kid(ironically, this is the name it is given in China). On the film itself, I thought it was pretty good, and honestly, I think the martial art scenes, battles, and training easily top the original source material. Granted, the fighting was jazzed up for modern audiences(and ironically, the age of the characters shrink), but I don't remember the original Karate Kid movies being that fast and furious. All the actors were wonderful. Still, I found the Tekken/Street Fighter-esque tournament at the climax to be a little over-the-top(COMPLETE WITH REPLAYS WWE-STYLE!). My grade for it is B+.
• Toy Story 3: Woody and his shrinking gang of toy pals are back in this spectacular second sequel to the Toy Story franchise. The "shrinking" reference is to the fact that prominent supporting characters from the previous installments are missing, like Little Po Beep and RC. The story itself veers screaming into dark territory, dealing with the inevitable repercussions of approaching adulthood and its effects on toys. The gang, already abandoned in Andy's wagon train trunk at the beginning of the story, are given the rather bright options of lanquishing in the attic or being disposed in the trash. A third option is thrusted upon them when they are taken to Sunnyside Daycare, benevolently ruled over by Lotso...which is revealed to be a prison of sorts. Woody and the gang has to escape the Daycare before Andy leaves for college. Just like in the previous entries, Toy Story 3 explore a facet of the secret life of toys, in this case, what happens after we grow older and turn to the opposite sex, paying bills, and video games. Easily the darkest of the series, and I'm not even talking about the daycare and its rampaging toddlers. My grade for this is A+.
• The A-Team: This film is an example of a perfect Summer Blockbuster...style-over-substance, popcorn fun that should not be shied away from as much as the critics want filmmakers to do. Starring Liam Neeson(who kicks ass in Taken), Bradley Cooper(the @****** friend in Hangover), Quinton Jackson(Rampage, fool), and Sharlto Copley(@****** from District 9), they are the eponymous A-team; this film is an origin story for them, showing how they initially got together, became an army unit, was court-martialed(i.e "the crime they did not commit"), make their escape, and try to fight to regain their innocence. Jessica Biel, sexy as freakin' ever, is one of the agents chasing after them. I thought this movie was awesome. I did not expect some deep exploration of the human condition here...I mean the show, from what I remember, was no different. I give this movie an A.

The Cover Tells A Different Story: Cheerleader Massacre

In many of my journeys up and down the video store aisles, I've run across great multitudes of video duds. You know what I mean, those movies that you would pick up because of the awesome cover. You'd go "Hell yeah, that looks cool!", rent that sucker, dance all the way home, pop that bad boy into the DVD player...only to find out that somethings wrong, some great cosmic calculation has misfired, some mystic primordial being is pointing his or her finger at you and laughing.

Essentially, the film in your DVD player doesn't match the one on the box.

Let me give you a recent example of my exposure to a video dud. Basically, I've been hitting the aisles of Blockbuster, thanks to the "5 for $5.00" deal - Five movies, for Five Days, for Five Dollars. You can't really beat this deal, especially if you're like me, and looking for old movies as opposed to new releases(sorry, doesn't extend to them). I came up on this movie titled The Last Resort. Look at the cover...you have a hot chick in a skimpy swimsuit on a beach, with a knife in her hand. Do you get such chewy goodness in the actual movie?

Hell no! The "Resort" of the title is actually some isolated hotel in the middle of Mexico or some place south of the American border. The swimsuits are seen in only one scene, and that's that. There is one nude scene by the Beth character(I think that was her name), but that was it. Long story short, it was a disappointment to me. If I ever do a review on it, I'll go into more detail for the reason why.

Anyway, we're here for this feature's first victim: Cheerleader Massacre!

The Cover Story(What the cover tells you): A group of hot, scantily-clad uniformed cheerleaders are being stalked by a psychotic killer in Dukes of Hazzard-type blue jeans, armed with a chainsaw and a desire to spill cheerleader blood...uniformed cheerleaders' blood. No amount of cheering will save the girls from this maniac!!!

The Cold Hard Truth(What you really get):

How do you f*** this concept up?!

I really don't know what is more disappointing: that this movie, obviously made on a shoe-string budget, was too cheap to even buy cheerleader costumes(or too lazy), or that this was made by the usually awesome Jim Wynorski. Mr. Wynorski is one of my favorite B-movie/exploitation directors, having created such awesome gems as Chopping Mall(1986), Sorority House Massacre 2(1990), and Hard to Die(1990)(I swear, I'm going to write a remake of both as a trilogy). Yet with Cheerleader Massacre, he drops the ball, beats up the rep, and destroys the playing field.

As I mentioned before, it seems that the director was too cheap to even buy cheerleader costumes. So the image on the cover? Bogus. You don't even know that the girls are cheerleaders in the film after the first five minutes, where they practice a routine in their baggy clothes. After that, they are in their regular clothes, and not even skimpy clothes to highlight their curves(face it people...you do not pick up a movie called Cheerleader Massacre to learn about the human condition).

And there are some really hot chicks in the movie, like the coach, played by Tamie Sheffield, main character Parker Jameson, played by Charity Rahmer(who gets naked for a few seconds in a shower scene), and some big-breasted hiker who gets killed (confusingly) on a rope bridge in the forest. And the rest of the story? Basically, the "cheerleaders", two guys, the cheerleader coach, and the male driver, all drive to an away game when they have car trouble. They find an abandoned house(not really abandoned per se, just someone's vacation home) where they all decide to stay for the night. Meanwhile, an escaped murderer is on the lose, and Sheriff Murdock(Bill Langlois Monroe), his deputy(Gigi Erneta), and Detective Demarco(Melissa Brasselle) race to stop him(and maybe order him a new wardrobe, 'cause that tight jean suit he wears is a nightmare in and of itself!).

Back at the abandoned vacation home, someone is picking the "cheerleaders" and their companions off one by one...and I could care less. There is a small industry of straight-to-video slashers, and the whole appeal of this one(scantily-clad cheerleaders being stalked by a murderer) is lost by the sheer senselessness of not trying to capitalize on the freaking concept! I mean, the freakin' box has "Cheerleaders" in the title, for goodness sake! If you wanted to be so cheap as not to use cheerleader costumes(the equivalent of Batman without a costume), you could have called the movie Snow Massacre. Lord knows that is what is seemed like, with the girls all bundled up, and snow on the ground. Christmas Massacre could have been another title used.

Another travesty was marketing this as a sequel to the Slumber Party Massacre series. Now, let me explain...see, in Sorority House Massacre 2, a sequel to the horrible Sorority House Massacre, Wynorski used footage from the first Slumber Party Massacre to explain the origin of the film's villain, Ketchum. Taking scenes where the Slumber Party villain stalks the main heroine and one of her friends, this is changed in Sorority House to Ketchum stalking and killing one of his daughters. Being the creative mind behind the Sorority House series, you'd think this movie would be a sequel to that film continuity(no matter how extremely loose it was). However, the director confuses matters even more by using Brinke Stevens, a star from the original Slumber Party Massacre...whose character was killed off from what I understood!

So What Have I learned?: I just don't understand why there couldn't be actual cheerleaders in the movie, LIKE ON THE COVER OF SAID MOVIE. I've noticed that even B-movie/exploitative movie companies ignore the elements of psychotic slashers and cheerleaders. I would rather pay to see that, than another Last Resort or some big fakeout like this...and from one of my favorite directors too!!

From The Comic Stands: The Legion of Three Worlds

If a casual observer of comics had come up to me and asked, "is Final Crisis worth getting into?", I would have said, "Sure!". But, I would not have pointed them towards Grant Morrison's misfire of a story, but towards superhero comic mastercraftsman Geoff Johns, and his spectacular Legion of Three Worlds, the true Final Crisis, if there was one!

In the present American comic industry, there is possibly only a handful of comic writers that can write a good superhero yarn...that perfect balance of character and spectacle, embracing the science fiction and fantasy of the four-colored world, while introducing a strong sense of believability and human factor to the players in the story. Sure, every comic fan can rattle off great stories of the comic medium...Watchmen, for example. But how many can rattle off good superhero stories that don't strip away the very essence of the story, that sense of naive fantasy and adventure, of wish fulfillment? For me, a good example of an awesome tale that celebrates its superhero trappings is Kurt Busiek and George Perez's JLA/Avengers.

Anyway, Perez's awesome pencils are hard at work in this superhero saga as well! Legion of Three Worlds is, in truth, an organic build-up of elements from other various Geoff John-penned stories. The main villian of the story, Earth-Prime Superboy, originated from 2005's Infinite Crisis, where he was revealed to be one of the story's primary antagonists, setting up the various elements in the story(such as moving planets to set up the Rann-Thanagar War), and becoming the Big Bad by story's end. Pushed through the red sun of former Krypton by two Superman(the "regular" Superman of Earth-1 and the Golden-Age Superman of Earth-2), Superboy-Prime was stripped of his very vast superpowers(which dwarved both Supermen), as well as an harness modeled after the Anti-Monitor's armor that directly fed him yellow sunlight. Captured by the Green Lantern Corps(which he murdered several dozens of them), he was imprisoned on Oa.

He reappears in the next Geoff Johns-penned story, the Sinestro Corps War, escaping from his containment on Oa and joining the Sinestro Corps as a herald of the Anti-Monitor, wearing a Sinestro-Corps version of his infamous harness. His most famous act in this story is his brutal, DBZ-style battle with Sodom Yat, a Daxamite(a cousin race of the Kryptonians, with the same powers, but a weakness of lead) who is not only also a Green Lantern, but the possesor of the Ion entity, making him one of the most powerful beings in the universe. This brawl of superpowers ends with Yat impaled in lead pipes(and nearly dying in the process). After that battle, Superboy-Prime would become one of the of the deciding factors in the final battle, impatiently tossing the wounded Anti-Monitor into space, and survives a suicidal attack by a Guardian, only to be warped into another universe.

Besides Superboy-Prime, the other major elements of the story are the reintroduction of the Legion of Superheroes, and the current xenophobia of the planet Earth. This reintroduction of the Legion occured first in The Lightning Saga, a crossover between Brad Meltzer's Justice League of America and Johns' Justice Society of America. It should be noted that also at this time, there was another version of the Legion that had a series. However, what sets the two apart is that the Legion of the Lightning Saga(and thus Final Crisis) count Clark as a member of their team, a reintroduction of Superman's Silver Age status as a member of the future assemblage. Anyway, after their introduction in the Lightning Saga, Superman's membership is firmly established in the Superman and the Legion of Superheroes arc of Action Comics, again penned by Geoff Johns.

Here, Superman is brought to the future, where Earth has become a xenophoic society that hates aliens, lead by Earth-Man(former Legion reject Absorbancy Boy) and his human-based Justice League of Earth. Thanks to some manipulation by Earth-Man, the Earth sun has been turned red, thus Superman loses his great powers. However, thanks to some major teamwork, the Man of Steel and his friends manage to defeat the JLE, and show humankind how beneficial aliens are. Or so it seems.

This all culminates in Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds, where the Time Trapper, the eternal enemy of the Legion, plucks Earth-Prime Superboy from the time stream, and send him on a crash course with the 31st Century. After laying waste to Smallville and the Superman Museum over a temper tantrum of not being considered the Metropolis Marvel's main adversary, Superboy-Prime dons his old harness and decides to create a Legion of his own...of Super-Villains. Meanwhile, the Legion is trying to maintain order in crumbling relationships between themselves, the United Planets, and Earth, who still maintain their hatred for aliens. When Superboy-Prime attacks the group in their time of ultimate weakness, resident genius Brainiac 5 has no choice but to summon allies...from Superman himself and last Guardian of the Universe Sodom Yat...to Legions from two other universes. The end result? An awesome super-war on Earth between the forces of 31st Century good and evil...as well as a fight at the end of time itself!

Doesn't that make you tingle all over?!

Johns weaves a spectacular tale, and even throws some twists in. Revelations are abound, and a few resurrections occur. And in my opinion, Perez is one of the, if not THE, main superhero artist to have for a superhero epic! As a reader who enjoy long-term storytelling done right, I loved how Johns delivered on the seeds he had planted in his earlier works.

So what's my grade on this? A+. If you like just simple, fun, superhero stories that deliver on wonderful characterization and awesome spectacles, this is the story for you. Go out and get the trade, right away! I'm serious!!!

Lil Tidbits- 6/2/2010

• I still haven't gotten to the point yet of having a comfortable level of Internet access, so that I can update this blog weekly. Working on it, though...and hopefully, I will be able to use my laptop for this.
• Ironman 2: A, Prince of Persia: Sands of Time: B+, Shrek Forever After: B.
• Back to Comics: Blackest Night, Siege, Legion of Three Worlds...coming soon!
• Dusty Box Presents: The Ultimate Satan's Cheerleader Team...coming soon!
• Dusty Box Presents: The Truth about Otaku Senshi...coming soon!

Just Awesome Cinema: Kick-Ass

The 2010 Film Kick-Ass can be summed up joyfully in this one sentence: it's Watchmen's hyper-active popcorn little brother. While this comparison won't be agreed on by many(after all, Watchmen, both comic and film, wrestle with much deeper focuses on humanity's flaws and various schools of thought), it cannot be denied that both share very similar concepts and premises. In fact, if one could squint their eyes, one could picture the titular Kick-Ass later developing into the Nite Owl from Watchmen.

The fact is, Kick-Ass and the cinematic adaptation of Watchmen share a lot in common: "realistic" superheroes(I think the term would be mysterymen, i.e. the two-fisted heroes of the Golden Age that didn't have superpowers, like Crimson Avenger, Batman, Mr. Terrific, The Angel, etc.), cool pieces of music (An American Trilogy by Elvis for Kick-Ass, Ride of the Valkyries for Watchmen), and a "realistic world" devoid of costumed supervillains. They both stem from comic books, the Mark Millar-penned and John Romita-drawn Kick-Ass and the Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons Watchmen, respectively. But, I can safely say that more people will enjoy Kick-Ass, simply because it is more straight-forward than its earlier counterpart.

The film is about Dave Lizewski(Aaron Johnson), a stereotypical teenage comic nerd in NYC, who wonders why there are no costumed heroes in real life(an very, very good question, espically when he points out that it seems everyone wants to be Paris Hilton, and no one wants to be Peter Parker. His best friend's response to this is priceless.). Purchasing a green scuba suit from the internet and a mask, Dave initially wears the outfit under his regular clothes. But after days of "training", he publically reveals his superhero identity in a first outing that does not go well. After healing from his disasterous first mission, he gains a large measure of exposure when a subsequent battle with thugs is video-taped by a bystander and uploaded on Youtube. Meanwhile, in his civilian life, Dave pines after Katie(Lyndsy Fonseca), who, after news of Dave's accident(devoid of Kick-Ass's involvement), becomes interested in him...as a gay confident.

Meanwhile, Big Daddy(Nicholas Cage) and the super-lethal Hit-Girl(Chloe Grace Moretz) cultivate a vendetta against Frank D'Amico(Mark Strong), a powerful New York crimeboss. The war between the two forces comes to a head in a New York apartment, where Hit-Girl wipes out "mercenaries" working for D'Amico. And Kick-Ass? He's there for a different reason, but is realistically useless without any training whatsoever. D'Amico, thinking that Kick-Ass was responsible for the murders, targets him for execution. His eager-to-please son, Chris D'Amico(Christopher Mintz-Plasse) wants to help in this as well, by assuming the mantle of another superhero, Red Mist.

A comparison between the source material and its film counterpart in inevitable, and I must say that this film as way more heart and soul than the comic. The comic, imo, is simply mean-spirited, and over-the-top for the sake of it. I remember being a little put off when Hit-Girl, after slaughtering hundreds of goons, suddenly experiences human feeling, wanting to cry. Sorry Millar, you can't have it that way: you build Hit-Girl up as some mindless killing machine, then suddenly, we're supposed to feel sorry for her? In the film, Hit-Girl is done right; she is fleshed out and her relationship with her father developed, giving some belivable reasoning behind this tiny ninja of a girl. Another improvement on the comic comes from Red Mist, who is fleshed out beyond being some random gangster's malicious son. I can't tell you more details without fear of spoilage.

I've heard somewhere that people disliked the film because of its shifts from satire to straight-forward superhero antics. I guess I did not catch that vibe. It was a simple superhero fantasy story for me. Let's face it, it's impossible to really tell the story of a "real-life superhero", because for the star of the story to exist, he would need a character shield. In real life, a superhero probably wouldn't just get killed by a common thug. He could get hit by a car and paralyzed for life, or go into a coma or something. Now, you could tell a story that plays with genre conventions. Sure, maybe not exactly the same thing as what the original creators of the book were going for, but its better than what some consider "realism", which seems to mean "dark, disturbing, gritty"...fantasy in the opposite direction, i.e. its unbelivable, but not as bright as the word fantasy usually brings to your mind.

The movie gets an A+ from me, and two thumbs up. Besides the great characters, wonderful action scenes, and more heart/soul, I love the bigger message(not in the comic, if I remember) of why Kick-Ass really does what he does: because no one else will stand up to the injustice they see; they only watch from the sidelines while others suffer. I'm sure there is a smaller, more intellectual way of presenting that, but I can't think of it right now. Also, let me leave you with another note: Kick-Ass was better than its source material, but Wanted, from the same writer...no where near its source material.

Lil Tidbits: 4/19/2010

• I've found some kind of Internet USB "stick" to give me unlimited Internet access, so I hope to be able to not only have access to quick Internet searches for my stories, but also be able to have more entries for this blog. So don't be surprised if you see my Ultimate Cheerleader Squad(as a balance to my Japanese-centric Ultimate Sukeban Gang) anytime soon.
• I'm currently preparing for my first novel, hope to have my first story sold soon.
• What's up with having email addresses and not replying? I know I'm being unprofessional here, but three weeks ago, I emailed at least 20 people in various positions in the film industry. My reason? I have an idea for a movie for the home DVD market, and I want to pitch it. I would rather get some support behind me before I embark on writing said film, instead of the other way around. Still, haven't heard anything from anyone; I approached Asylum Home Entertainment through four different emails, and no answer. It amazes me that it is really this hard to get a B-movie for the home DVD market sold. I mean, have you seen the films I've seen? Death on Demand? Mega Shark? Transmorphers? Gingerdread Man?
• Code Geass was wonderful...easily in the top 10 anime I've seen in my lifetime up to this point.

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Ultimate Sukeban Gang Part 3

I now wrap up this series with the final members of this ultimate Sukeban-lead girl gang. Now you are a purveyor of pinky violence, or at least have limited exposure like I have experienced, then you must be wondering: where is Reiko Ike? Why isn't she part of this crew?!



If you don't know who Ike is...run to your nearest video store and pick up the awesome Sex and Fury((thanks gletko)which also has my girl, Christina Lindberg in it, from Thriller: A Cruel Picture). Reiko Ike is the main character, a pickpocket who is so good at what she does that she steals without even meaning to! But I digress. She is well-known as the rival to Miki Sugimoto's character in many of the sukeban films. In Lynch Law Classroom, for example, she plays a rival Sukeban, who walks into the classroom, pushes the teacher out of the way, and challenges the Boss with The Cross to a duel!

Why she's not included in my Ultimate Sukeban Gang is simple...she would be one of the main antagonists, a rival character to Noriko and her posse. Maybe initially, she was part of the crew, but broke away and formed her on gang of delinquent girls.

Anyway, moving right along...the rest of my spectacular crew of delinquent schoolgirls would include:


My seventh pick is: Yukino Yajima

Played by: Akie Yoshizawa



Application Status: The most Japanese-ladylike(i.e. having the qualities of a traditional Japanese woman) out of the three main heroines of 1987's Sukebandeka feature film, Yukino seems to be a girl of privilage and sophistication. In fact, she is getting ready to study abroad in England before being stopped by Kyoko(Marbles Okyo) to rejoin her and Saki for the mission to "Hell Castle". Her quiet and reserved personality seem to be a foil to Saki and Kyoko's more aggressive personas. In fact, on a group of such aggressive personalities, she would easily serve as an intellectual voice of reason.

Skills: To show her blend of ladylike qualities and martial arts skill, her main weapon is a tea ceremony cloth. However, in the movie, she uses razor-sharp nail tips to slice her foes. And no...you should know by now, I'm not making this up.

Paraphenlia: Just those nail tips and that tea ceremony cloth. That's enough, isn't it?


My eighth pick is: Ami Hyuga(cue the Naruto jokes), Machine Girl

Played By: Minase Yashiro



Application Status: 2008's Machine Girl has a premise cooked up with yours truly in mind: A normal Japanese high school girl, Ami Hyuga, finds her world shattered when her brother and his friend are killed by Sho Kimura, the son of the leader of a ninja-yakuza family(ninja-yakuza. Just let that sink in) and his bully friends. When Ami tries to go get revenge on the family, she, after a bloody(and I mean gory fight), she is captured by them, and gets her left arm chopped off. She seeks shelter with her slain brother's slained friend's mother, who builds a high-powered machine gun to replace her left arm. Now, if that don't make you smile, you are not a B-movie fan.

Skills: She's a good hand-to-hand combatant, taking on Power-Ranger-esque ninjas, and other awesome crazy villians. And her greatest weapon, the Ash Williams-like machine gun is just crazy cool.

Paraphenlia: A machine gun where her left arm used to be. Enough said.

And that, my friends, are my selections for my Ultimate Sukeban-lead Girl Gang. There are tons more candidates to choose from, but I love my selection already! There are thoughts for other selections soon...I've been toying with the idea of a Blacula-lead Legion of Doom, made up of exploitation villains for my next piece...or the Ultimate Jailhouse Gang. Stay tuned!