My Top 10 Anime of All Time! (Right Now) Part One

Remember the Japanime features I've have written up before, one on Bleach, and the other for Lelouch of The Rebellion? Well, since I'm very limited as far as Internet access right now, I can't give detailed writeups of awesome anime like I would want to. However, it doesn't stop me from giving you some small blurbs.

If you don't know by now, I'm a huge anime nut, bitten by the bug in 2001 by exposure to Cartoon Network's Toonami Block. Thanks to the awesome anime store in town, I was able to move beyond Sailormoon and Dragonball Z, into Those Who Hunt Elves, Rurouni Kenshin, Sorcerer Hunters, Project A-ko, and Ranma 1/2. Nowdays, I'm in danger of burning myself out with this obessession!

So, I decided, hey, lets put down my top 10 anime of all time, graded basically on concept, character development(in some cases), and story/plot(as it can be debatable with some people). Really, anime fans, check these babies out if you haven't already. Some anime, such as Inu-Yasha, Naruto, One-Piece, and Bleach are not included, because they are extremely long(I think Inu-Yasha is about what, 400 episodes?) and they are the constants in many an anime fan's library of choices.

Instead, the selections on this list are usually short...probably about 20-50 episodes at the most. These selections are not in any order, they are all equally awesome. So, without further adieu, my top 5 of awesome anime of all time:

• Gungrave: Can you believe this anime is based on a video game? Of course, the game in question was created by Yasuhiro Nightow...yes, that Yasuhiro Nightow. The game itself is pretty cool...short, but cool. The anime is...is an awesome exercise of character development, as two best friends, originally homeless young men fighting for scraps in the street, rise through the ranks of the powerful criminal organization Millennium...only to have one friend betray the other. If you've played the game, the various boss characters and the main villian are developed beyond the max in the anime...you get to see how and why these characters chose their paths in life...and how the main hero got to where he is at the start of the story, a gunslinger from beyond the grave!! Now I warn you...this anime takes you to a very dark place...its a tearjerker and violent in some parts. But these characters are developed in such a way that you forget that they represent the villains of society!
• Black Lagoon: John Woo meets girls with guns meets...hell, Gungrave. The girl on the cover with the short shorts? That's Revy. You do not want to f*** with her. Messing with her is like drenching yourself in flammable liquid and walking to hell to stand in the hottest furnace. Like Gungrave, the protagonists of this anime are essentially the bad guys of society...Lagoon Company is a crew of pirates and mercenaries who smuggle goods in Roanapur, a Thailand criminal haven that could be described as hell on Earth. Revy is the psychotic gunslinging muscle of the quartet of main characters, with Rock, the Japanese salaryman abandoned by his company(which led to him "joining" Lagoon Company) as the audience surrogate. If you like those classic John Woo films, or you like a good combination of criminal protagonists and gunbattles, look no further. Seriously, you got nuns with guns, maids with guns, and even a hot Chinese chick with...knives as elements here. But the best element of this anime? Characterization. Reasoning behind these criminals' viewpoints and actions. Wonderful stuff!
• Fullmetal Alchemist: There is a new Fullmetal Alchemist anime out, one that is closer in manga translation than the first series, which I am referencing here. Any American who wants to complain about how ANY animation is for kids...I dare them to find anything on television that is as powerful emotionally as this. You have two children who, while trying to bring back their mother, nearly lose their lives in the attempt. Basically, these two brothers go through a journey of maturity and life, learning from their experiences as they try to find a way to return to normal. Seriously, awesome stuff.
• Tengho Tenge: I'm telling you, that theme song will get to ya! Think of YuYu Hakusho, but instead of taking the supernatural route, it was simply a straight-forward fight anime. That's what you have here, although there is more to simply fighting than that. I'm reluctant to suggest this anime, as it doesn't really finish with its 26 episode...but then again, Black Lagoon did not finish either(although it did have a definite ending of sorts...as in "until next time"-type ending). Basically, the main character and the black character are delinquents who usually beat up students in various schools. However, when they get to the school in the anime, they find out that the students attending here are all badasses. Remember that scene in Kung Fu Hustle when Steven Chow's character found out how bad everyone was in Pig Sty Alley? Like that. And yes, the kid turning into a hot chick? That's Maya Natsume...and that SHAZAM thing is one of her martial arts techniques.
• Ikki Tousen: Fanservice. Few will admit that they actually like it. I f**** love it. I don't care. But the beauty of Ikki Tousen is that the fanservice is simply an element of an awesome story about accepting destiny/avoiding destiny, reincarnation/history repeating itself, and brutal martial arts battles, all centering on the Romance of the Third Kingdoms era of Chinese history. Basically, its Dynasty Warriors meet school fighting anime. Seriously. Famous characters/historical people from that novel and/or period in history are reborn as various schoolgirls and schoolboys, and schools fight each other across Japan to rule them all. Once you get past the panty and breast shots, a wonderful story unfolds about a clueless female warrior who struggles against her destiny, a repeat of her previous Romance of the Third Kingdom's incarnation's death.

I will return with more later!

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team Part One

Call it what you will: fetish, obsession, horniness. I love nubile B-movie cheerleaders...I love them very much. And no, I'm not talking about obvious chick flicks like Bring It On or Fired Up...those movies have more guy cheerleaders than girls, and take their sport really seriously. Really, really seriously.

And did I mention how much I hate male cheerleaders(in cinema form, not real life)?

Cheerleaders, possibly one of the top three fantasy chicks that guys would go for, are a well-worn staple of porn. But I'm not talking about those flicks, either. I'm talking about exploitation flicks, or in a broader sense, B-movies. I'm talking about Satan's Cheerleaders and Andre The Butcher. You see, I'm not much of a fan of the straight "sexploitation" of the cheerleader, demonstrated for example in the cleverly named The Cheerleaders. Being more of a slasher fanatic, I always liked them in an action-oriented situation...like running from a mob of devil worshippers, or battling a supernatural cleaver-armed maniac.

But surprisingly, there's a shortage of "cheerleader combat", which, in my opinion, really boggles the mind. You either have disgusting fake-outs like Cheerleader Massacre and A Brush With Death, where they claim to have cheerleaders, but don't...or maybe you'd pick up a movie where you wish the hot lead was in a uniform(at least, I do. But I'm not well). As a budding businessman(i.e. writer), I'm really of two minds here: on one hand, its annoying, because I would love a few more straight-to-DVDs with the keywords: cheerleader, killer, fight,...and the desperate writer in me(i.e. desperate for money) spots a opportunity to make so dough with the right straight-to-DVD production company...like Asylum? Or Troma? Hello?

So, in the spirit of my previous presentation of The Ultimate Sukeban(lead) Gang, and as an American answer to it...as well as in homage to The Expendables, the manliness all-star man movie ever, I present The Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team. The characters and/or actresses selected came from my absolute favorite cheerleader-centric B-movies, from 1977's Satan's Cheerleaders to 2003's Cheerleader Ninjas. These cheerleaders aren't from lame movies where they compete against each other(which is not bad, of course)...but they come from movies where they have to fight for their very lives against the undesirable elements of man and beast!

Let me set up the plot of my dream movie: A team of cheerleaders are on their way to an away game in another town, when their bus breaks down unknowingly in mutant redneck country. A group of disgusting redneck mutants, led by a powerful leader, targets the girls as potential mothers to give birth to the next generation of mutant rednecks. And yes, I lifted that plot from The Hills Have Eyes 2(2007).

The team would be:

The Captain would be: Jasmine Tyner
Played By: April Billingsley

Application Status: As the leader of the four man cheerleader band(three women, and one guy) in 2005's Andre The Butcher, Jasmine was the sexy, crucifix-wearin', switchblade-wieldin', kung-fu cheerleader who also reveals herself to be a hot lesbian as well, in a make-out scene with her co-cheerleader, Cookie(Heather Joy Budner). In the climax of the movie, Jasmine has an awesome one-on-one battle with 'ol Andre...and doesn't back down from the supernatural menace, despite the fact that he shrugs off her karate kicks.

Skills: Besides her mean fighting skills, she's good with a switchblade and voyeurism as well...if that counts as a skill.

Paraphernalia:Her crucifix and trusty switchblade...and maybe a bowl of chili and a can of pears;).


Co-Captain: Fumi
Played By: Vicky Huang

Application Status: There are only three things that are good about 2005's Insecticidal: Samantha McLeod's well-endowed constitution, and Fumi, the awesome Asian student who is highly intelligent and practices with sai. Read that last part again...with. sai. Like the Ninja Turtle Raphael. I'm sure many people read into the character as being a cultural/racial stereotype, but hey...it beats the stereotypes I,a African-American, have to be stuck with! Anyway, what p****** me off about this movie is that Fumi, the Asian chick who demonstrates her skill in martial arts in one form or another...IS KILLED OFF BY A FREAKING GIANT MANTIS!!!

We don't even get a promised showdown, with Fumi kicking butt on those cheap CG insects!! Instead, she's jobbed, and the untrained Caucasians beat the insects and survive. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Would Fumi do better against mutant rednecks? If I was writing it, hell yeah.

Skills: In the film, there is a scene where Fumi practices with sai, seductively. This had me screaming at the movie later, when the giant mantis was fighting her. Why she didn't grab the sai and go all Kill Bill on the things? That would have been the movie I would have written.

Anyway, she seems to have a knowledge of wielding sai/sai training. And unlike that lame movie, in mine, you would see it in action!

Paraphernalia: Her sai

My third member would be: Angela

Played By: Angela Brubaker(on the far right)

Application Status: As the leader and the only "sane man" of the titular Cheerleader Ninjas quartet, Angela bravely lead her less-than-bright group against a evil crew of Catholic Schoolgirls(TM), lead by a former homosexual(sterotypical gay) man who wanted to join the Hamsters cheerleader squad(complete with skirt!), but was throughly rejected. After initially getting their pantied butts handed to 'em, Angela and crew go through a training montage to become ninjas(which include breaking an already broken board and jumping on trampolines) to fight their fetish-inspired rivals, earning the right to carry katanas and use pogo sticks to chase after their enemies!!

Angela and her crew hates nerds the same way that Graydon Creed hates X-men. Wonders of wonders, it is later revealed that she is a nerd(stereotypical nerd), who only joined the squad to get a scholarship.

Skills: Angela would be the brains of this cheerleader squad. Since the film she was in was a spoof anyway, this movie would be a tad more serious. Thus, while she would retain her sarcastic nature, her intelligence would be increased. In the film, she demonstrated some computer skills, thus, she would have them here, although boosted to a Macguyver-esque level. She would demonstrate some limited martial art skills, and limited swordfighting skills; unlike in her initial film, here, it would be mentioned that she gained the training from school activities.

Paraphernalia: Her katana

That's all for the first round. The second group of recruits are coming up soon, so don't go anywhere!!

It Came From The Video Store!: Cheerleader Ninjas

Where do you go to find religious mothers trying to take over the Internet with pictures of the Pope? Or clashes between ninja cheerleaders and trashy Catholic schoolgirls? Or geeks in assorted Starfleet and Star Wars uniforms, who drink William Shatner Beer and sing one of the funniest songs known to B-movie kind? Or sex symbol Kira Reed, naked except for a blue cheerleader skirt and a smile? Welcome to the world of Cheerleader Ninjas.

The Front Row: Four cheerleaders from Happy Valley High, home of the Hamsters(with trademark Hamster-Cam...you have to see the movie to get what I'm talking about), are targeted by a band of fanatical Christian ladies, who see them as the main reason for the "smut" that dominates the Internet. The leader of the quartet, Angela(Angela Brubaker), and her band battle sexy Catholic schoolgirls led by a former gay male cheerleader who seeks revenge. And oh yeah, a villain behind the scenes known as Mr. X seeks to upload a virus onto the Internet, turning everyone into zombies.

Box of Whoppers(The Delicious): This movie throughly enjoys its B-movie trappings, including many hilarious scenes, and one of the greatest songs I've ever heard, sung by Maverick and his crew of nerds.

Sticky Floors(The Nasty): If you're not into sexual or toilet humor, this might not be for you.

Concession Stand(Where to Buy): You can see it here, on Hulu.

See Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVlZVMiPcgk

Just Awesome Cinema: Chocolate (2008)

According to the good 'ol Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism, Autism is a brain development disorder that affects social skills and instills restricted and repetitive behavior. Lacking any medical credentials to my name, I can only boil it down to what I once heard from one of my elementery teachers: "It's like being trapped in your own reality". Now, why the Intro To Medical School beginning to this post? Because the main protagonist of Chocolate, Zen(Yanin Vismitananda), suffers from this malady.

The 2008 Thai martial arts film, from the makers of the spectacular Tony Jaa flick, Ong-Bak, is really a surprising entry into the genre of knuckle-dragging, head-smashing, hand-to-hand action...surprising because it is story first, action second. Similar to the Jet Li/Morgan Freeman flick Unleashed, Chocolate focuses on crafting characters, which is often not the case in most martial arts films. Of course, unlike Unleashed, I found the premise belivable to some degree; while I enjoyed Unleashed, I found myself distracted by the minor/major plotholes, like how could or how was Danny(Jet Li) trained in martial arts without someone knowing the strange situation he was raised in? But I digress.

How I find the situation of an autistic martial artist belivable will be expounded on. Essentially and surprisingly, Chocolate starts before Zen's birth, with Zen's mother, a sexy Thai gangster's girl named Zin(Ammara Siripong) and her father, a Japanese Yakuza named Masashi(Hiroshi Abe), being held at gunpoint at a table by the film's antagonist, Thai gangster Number 8(Pongbat Wachirabungjung), and his crew(which includes a very mascaline she-male, who is his lieutinant). Masashi proposes an alliance with Number 8, but 8 rejects it. After the confrontation, it is hinted that Masashi and Zin get romantic with one another. It all builds up to a violent sidewalk cafe confrontation between 8 and Masashi and his Yakuza crew, which ends with Zin switching sides and joining Masashi. Afterwards, Zin urges Masashi to return to Japan, for fear of retribution from 8.

Later, pregnant with Zen, she finds a place to stay and takes care of the baby. Hear, we learn that Zen has autism(i.e. "special needs") and need to be raised in a special way. Through the montage of scenes showing Zen growing up, she is given candy when she is crying one day by her mother, which becomes a trademark of sorts(hence, the name of the film). However, one day, when Zin decides to send a letter to Masashi to tell about their daughter, it is discovered by Number 8, who decides to punish the mother in the most horrible way(I'll leave that for you to see.)

Mother and daughter move again, and this time next to a Muay Thai dojo. By simply watching the training kickboxers, as well as Tony Jaa films, Zen begins to develop her potent martial arts skills. Around this time, Zin also takes in another child, a heavyset boy named Moom(Thaphon Phopwandee). Moom becomes the pesky brother to Zen, sneaking up on her(and getting elbowed for his trouble) and trying to throw things at her...which, no matter how hard he tried, she would easily catch every time!

Of course, in their teenage years, Moom has turned his pestering pasttime into a business, providing street demonstrations of Zen's catching skills to the public for spare change. When a gang of deliquents try to bully the duo, Zen springs into action(with one of the prettiest and funniest "Buzzsaw Kicks" I've ever seen!) and beats a few of them. It is later learned that Zin has developed a disease(I assumed it was cancer, and Wikipedia seemingly comfirms it on the Chocolate page), thus the reason Moom and Zen are doing the performing in the first place: to raise money for treatment and drugs. However, the drugs are very expensive, and the money they are making is not enough. All changes when Moom finds an old book, a relic of Zin's gangster past, with numbers of people who owe her money. And thus, the game begins.

Ms. Yanin, as Zen, is spectacular. Seriously, she nails it as an awesome martial artist and an autistic young woman(in my humble, lacking any medical training, opionion). In fact, the cast was wonderful, from Zin as a mother trying to escape her gangster past, to Moom as a foster brother looking out protectively for his autistic sibiling, to Number 8, who tortures Zin and her family over jealousy. I loved the story provided by the movie, and think it is really moving(espically the ending).

As I mentioned beforehand, I found the premise of an autistic martial artist, one who can simply watch and developed deadly hand-to-hand fighting skills, very belivable. Why? There is a realistic concept called "autistic savant", where a person with autism can develop genius skills in a mental area, such as playing music(without training) or very acute mental calculation. According to Wikipedia, savants, in general(autistic or not) can possess photographic memories. So, Zen, watching those kickboxers and Tony Jaa films, could easily be considered an autistic savant with genius-level skills in martial arts.

I hope to see Ms. Yanin in more flicks from Thailand, because Chocolate is awesome.

See The Trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKw5pmI48EM