From The Back of A Dusty Video Box...

Fighting The Man Mixtape

2012-01-17T15:45:00.000-08:00

I recently met a genre author at a booksigning a few days ago, the writer of The Molotov Box, Daniel Johnson. Now, I don't know how much he liked the idea of being referred to as a "genre author", but as I shook the man's hand, I told him that was pretty much the reason I had came to see him. He, along with Mark Greaney(Author of The Gray Man series of novels) are probably two of the local writers closest to where I'm trying to get to, as far as my writing career, in a sea of cookbook, romance, and children's book writers. I still hold out hope that I will meet maybe Stephen King, John Grisham, Clive Crussler, Micheal Connelley, Jim Butcher...who are even closer to where I'm trying to get to.

This entry is basically putting together a playlist dealing with my second planned novel, which will be a different series from my current one. I always have different musical cues in my head for different things, like ideas for storyarcs, characters, subplots, you name it. That's what this playlist comes from. So, without further adieu, let's get this started:

1. Ain't No Love In The Heart Of The City - Bobby "Blue" Bland (Uploaded By tb4550)

2. Living For The City - Stevie Wonder (Uploaded By johnniewalker23)

3. Across 110th Street - Bobby Womack (Uploaded By ch00bus)

4. Down And Out In New York City - James Brown (Uploaded By Musicforyourfunk)

5. Out There - Willie Hutch (Uploaded By ThirdWorldTV)

6. Feel The Heat - Jean Beauvoir (Uploaded By mcleodpower)

7. Success - Giorgio Moroder (Uploaded By patrickbateman00)

8. Justice For All - John Farnham(Uploaded By SoundRarity)

9. Welcome To The Jungle - Guns N' Roses(Uploaded By blakehala)

10. Running With The Devil - Van Halen(Uploaded By mig31imstillalive)

Sorry About The Late Reply

2012-01-17T15:38:00.000-08:00

...I'm still trying to catch up on the technology, so until then, I'll be updating my blog periodically. However, I've recently started a new account at http://theuniversalguardian.deviantart.com/, so check it out.

It Came From The Video Store!: Red Hook(2009)

2011-11-29T16:02:00.000-08:00

An agoraphobic college student, a scavenger hunt across NYC, and a killer in only a University of New York hoodie are the awesome ingredients weakened in this sub-par, predictable slasher film with a Dawson Creek-esque soundtrack. It does have its moments, however few.

The Front Row: Jenny(Christina Brucato) is a new freshman at the University of New York with a dark past: as a child, she watched helplessly as her older sister was murdered by a uniformed police officer. On her first day on campus, she meets Angela(pronounced AnGELa and played by Hollis Scarborough), her drama major room co-habitor; rude and high-minded journalism student Paula(Karla Mosley) and her "lackey"(Alex Brightman), stereotypical blond Camille(Karissa Staples), her boyfriend(Brian J. Smith) and his romantic rival, Higgenbottom(Debargo Sanyal), obvious hot lesbian Deena(Frankie Shaw), and potential love interest Gavin(Tate Ellington). This lovable cast is soon embroiled in a scavenger hunt, courtesy of Tim(Bryan Fenhart).

Box Of Whoppers (The Delicious): Some of the dialogue is pretty funny, whether its Jenny admitting that she is scared of AnGELA when the latter posts a note to not come into the room until 6:45, or Deena admitting she likes chicks that are "bigger". There are also a good tiny twist involving a hold-up at a corner store. There are also some good scene-setting shots of the good 'ol Big Apple.

Sticky Floors(The Nasty): Red Hook...is frustrating predictable. Sure, tons of my favorite slashers, like Andre The Butcher, are predictable...but there is always some kind of hook that transforms the film from mudane to fan-favorite for me, like the all-around goofiness of the film and the cheerleaders. Here, there is nothing; The hoodie killer's identity is so obvious from the second he is introduced that you would want to strangle someone for not following up with a mandatory twist. Hell, I was praying for one here.

While I enjoyed some of the quirks of the cast, the exploitative hound in me would have loved for a lesbian relationship to spring between Deena and Jenny, instead of the simple teasing...that would have been that "hook" for me. Of course, this shouldn't be a detriment for the average fan.

See Trailer:

Just Awesome Cinema: Capsule Reviews - 11/14/11

2011-11-14T18:52:00.000-08:00

I have to apologize...been very busy, trying to put together my novel, among other real life things that occupy us. After a few weeks, I thought against the idea of continuing The Syndicate of Carnality, although in its place, I'm thinking about writing a one-shot rebooting the Overmaster Wars franchise...bringing back Overmaster Wars: Resolute. A few months ago, I was against the idea of more Overmaster stories, mainly because I was worried that it would take attention away from my novel. But, more on that later; I'm here to talk about movies!

Immortals: It seems that the unreliable narrator of 300(the same studio produced both) told this mishmash of Greek Mythology, which is supposedly focused on Theseus's legend(famous for the labyrinth and the Minotaur). However, only names are lifted from the ancient source material, and, similar to the Clash of the Titans remake that preceded it, is so far distorted that it could easily be considered an original Greek myth in and of itself. Also, just like Titans...the so-named "Titans" do not resemble their mythological counterparts in the least. The film tells the story of Theseus's(Henry Cavill)conflict with King Hyperion(Micky Rourke), a Conan-esque warlord conqueror who searches for a magic bow that can free the so-called Titans from their prison in Tarturus. Meanwhile, a small cadre of Greek Gods(contrasting with their 12-member counterparts, the Olympians), lead by Zeus(Luke Evans) try to stay above the conflict, hoping that the humans will have the initiative to solve their own problem. If you ignore the fact that the myths are not followed...the movie is pretty fun. It tends to be formulaic at times...King Hyperion as an evil tyrant who castrates his men, tortures virgin priestesses, and sends giant barb-wired wearing bullmen reminds me all to much of the villain of the last Conan film, which I hated. But, the fight scenes were awesome...and I swear, this is the first time I've seen a knock-down, drag out, brutal throwdown with the Greek Gods(well, half of them) going all out. Usually, you'll simply have them sitting around, discussing the affairs of men like at an immortal social club. But here, Zeus and his tiny crew of random deities get down, cutting down the "Titans". I should talk more about this film...maybe I will. I give it a C+.

Puss In Boots: It was funny to learn that this was a prequel to the Shrek franchise. I don't know...I thought judging by this film, the Cat in those leather boots could make a good character to hold a franchise of his own. Voiced by Antonio Banderas, Puss's film focuses on his origin story, rising from an orphaned kitty, to a local hero, and later a disgraced champion, while in a friendship with Humpty Dumpty(Zach Galifinaikas). Still bitter at Humpty when the two meets again years later, Puss is convinced to join the eggman and his accomplice, "cat" burglar Kitty Softpaws(Salma Hayek), to steal the magic beans(of Jack and the Beanstalk fame) and grow a beanstalk, scale it, and steal from the Giant's Castle. This film is much darker than the Shrek films, and seem to have concepts and jokes aimed at an older audience. For example, Jack and Jill(yes, the pair that went up a hill) are gangsters, and Jack...wants to settle down and have kids. In the end, this movie is wonderful, and fun for the whole family. A+.

The Dusty Video Box Presents: The Overmaster Wars Playlist!

2011-10-16T23:38:00.000-07:00

It's Halloween time once again at Dusty Video Box, and I'm eagerly counting down to the day of Samhain, the day when the dead eagerly walk the Earth, and ghost, goblins, superheroes, and other assorted fantasy denizens surge forth, on a quest for candy. So for the season, I'm having Halloween-themed posts. And what better post to start with than Overmaster Wars? After all, Overmaster was inspired by the big bad monsters of the 1970s and 1980s...the Freddy Krugers, the Jason Vorhees, the Chuckys and the Puppet Masters.

So, for Halloween, I thought it would be awesome if I put a soundtrack of sorts together, thanks to the spectacular posters who upload wonderful tracks on Youtube. If it was not for their hard work and generosity, I would not be able to share these inspirational tunes with you.

1. "The Synturion Rises" (Uploaded By Poohsraresoundtracks)

2. "Stalking Supergirl"(Uploaded By Terrorificman666)

3. "Chloroform Hunt"(Uploaded By Daishuryou)

4. "Overmaster's Back"(Uploaded By RobbLowwOne)

5. "Knockout Nightmare"(Uploaded By Terrorificman666)

6. "Thunderbolt Woman Theme"(Uploaded By RapSince99Sucx)

7. "Synturion Assault"(Uploaded By Daishuryou)

8. "Overmaster Theme"(Uploaded By PureZezima)

9. "Thunderbolt Girl's Down"(Uploaded By Soundtrackstation1)

10. "Synturions Rise Again"(Uploaded By nachox508)

Real World Commentary - 10/5/11

2011-10-05T16:46:00.000-07:00

It's finally happened...and I've already doomed myself by celebrating it. I now have my own Internet connection! Thus, I will be able to keep Dusty Video Box updated way more often, like my heroes at HousetoAstonish! Of course, since I'm hard at work on my first novel, the features will come slow, but as long as I have some sort of Information Superhighway connection, I will provide as many distractions as I can!

What's coming up is more personal Dusty Video Box Presents, reviews on superhero comics on the stands, and more movie reviews. I have, for example, Savage County to talk about. And then there is a planned Awesome Cinema feature on Bitchslap! Between that spectacular exploitation nugget of goodness and Sucker Punch, it has been an exquisite film year for yours truly so far. Now...if I can only get a good cheerleaders versus cannibals movie...

Anyway, let's kick off this occasion with a few bulletpoints:

I'm planning to start reviewing superheroine videos on this blog as well...well, as soon as I can afford the funds. It makes sense really...as a writer, I specialize in superheroine stories, so why not review them? Also, these videos have a grindhouse feel to them. I'll be hitting up Ultimate Superheroine Forum for producers, as well as checking out sites like Project: Superwoman, Supersexyheroines.com, and Goddess Cinema.

Speaking of Ultimate Superheroine Forum, I sort of put together a story called The Syndicate of Carnality: Original Sin, based on the heroine characters of The Wrath of Ward. Essentially, the story is sort like a #0 issue of a comic series, or a television pilot for test audiences. I haven't recieved any feedback on it; however, I'm thinking of maybe writing a chapter or two on the story, which will be much tamer in the vein of Overmaster Wars, as opposed to the rated-XXX stuff that took place in the original stories. Also, look for a "sketchbook" of sorts on the characters in Dusty Video Box Presents.

And Now...Comicbook Rants:

The New 52: Looking through DC Comics' New 52 free catalog, one cannot help but shudder on multiple levels. First, the mass rebooting, on the heels of DC's quiet summer crossover, Flashpoint, which surely had more fanboys than yours' truly throwing his or her arms in the air in disgust. No more Lois Lane/Clark marriage! All of the heroes are young and naive again! Sigh. The only two books I've purchased out of the 52 so far is Green Lantern and Justice League. Lantern continues where the last series left off, which is kind of confusing with the rest of the general direction of DC's linewide imperative. Are we going to see a reintroduced origin for "Highball" Jordan as well? And my gosh...Stormwatch? Static Shock? DC has always had a tradition of absorbing heroes from defunct companies into their fictional world, but that isn't always a good thing. Just look at the Big Red Cheese, Captain Marvel...where is he now? At the bottom of the barrel.

Spiderman is Another Race: Give. Me. A. Break. We're talking about ULTIMATE Spidey, an alternate universe counterpart of the mainstream one. Apparently, the original Ultimate Spidey died in battle, so another person has assumed the role...a half-hispanic, half-black teenager named Miles Morales. Please. Yes, this is something to be celebrated, as a non-Caucasian character obtains the spotlight; yet, this is hollow, as we are talking about an alternate universe. If Marvel really want to take strides, to have big brass balls, then let's see you do that to Spidey in the mainstream universe! Let's see Miles Morales in that Spiderman film reboot, and let's see him fighting alongside the Avengers! Until then...don't waste my time. I also find it funny that while Ultimate Spidey is coming out with a cartoon series, Miles won't be the main character. The Caucasian Spidey will be.

Lil Tidbits: 8/4/2011

2011-08-04T19:21:00.000-07:00

Remember that Neutron feature I promised months ago, where I would outline her description for everyone to create their own? After taking one look at the Create-A-Wrestler screen of Smackdown Versus Raw 2011...I wussed out. Maybe I'll do a feature soon with her backstory or something.

Also thinking about writing a feature on the Marvel Films, including the upcoming Avengers film next year.

Dusty Video Box Presents: Welcome To Earth!

2011-07-14T19:13:00.000-07:00

Welcome To Earth
Written by M. Hadley

It came from amongst the stars, a hulking, massive thing that stalked its prey across innumerable parsecs. Sleek and spherical in design, the immense silver and red object slowly drew near the third planet of the Sol System ever so leisurely, ever so threateningly, ever so cautiously. From the front it resembled a human eye with a piercing laser-red iris and several rusty gray tentacles that dragged numerous miles behind it. Silent jets of white steam erupted around the iris, halting its momentum just above Earth’s highest orbit. It could progress no further.

Before it was a deadly cloud of discarded satellites, spent rocket stages, and other defunct pieces of human space technology, forming a makeshift barrier around the planet. If the artificial intelligence guiding the eye was advanced enough, it would have guffawed. This was a tapestry of how primitive the Earthlings really were. On the planet of its origin, Oya, rocket travel was literally ancient history, quickly replaced by zero energy-powered engines and warp gates that enabled interstellar travel. In fact, Oya’s orbit had been cleared of space debris many centuries before, and its natural resources replicated and replenished. This was in stark contrast to the human race, too busy opposing each other over such meaningless things as skin color to actually solve their problems.

Of course, that was the extent of what the intelligence could “think”; the rest of its duties relied solely on programming. With no sound, tiny portals slid open clockwise along the body of the “eye”, releasing fleets of miniscule duplicates. Like tiny tadpoles in a pond, the weightless eyes wiggled their way downward through layers of space debris, until they arrived near the various communication, weather, observation, and television satellites that orbited closer to Earth. Making straight beelines to them, the tiny eyes adhered to the assorted surfaces of the satellites, sprouting a vertical line of spikes to hold them in place. Like sentient marbles, the eyes rolled about the surfaces of the satellites until they found the various control centers of the devices. Suddenly, in unison, the tiny eyes began to pulse rhythmically, before thick infinitesimal tentacles erupt from their bodies, resembling black, uncontrollable plant growth. These bizarre living cords connected to and seized control of the command centers.

When each tiny eye succeeded, its iris changed from blood red to ice blue. Above the field of space debris, the giant eye loomed, its red iris mirroring its miniature counterparts. Thanks to the human satellites, it was able to create a net of information around the Earth, narrowing down its prey’s whereabouts. While absorbing various streams of data, the eyes simultaneously broadcasted false information and erased any indications of their arrival.

The last thing needed was human intervention.

Bizarre weather patterns. Strange calls to the local purveyors of the law. Military alarms of foul play. These were some of the signifiers the intelligence was searching for. Alien invasion. Spaceship. Female humanoids in strange costumes. These were some of the words that would initiate the second phase of the program.

A weather satellite above Tennessee picked up a strange phenomenon five minutes before the eye’s arrival.

The tiny “eye” controlling that satellite retroactively erased the data. Above the metal debris barrier, the icy blue iris of the giant eye turned black as void. Slowly it opened lengthwise, like a clamshell, revealing a silvery humanoid lying inside, curled in the fetal position. The figure was motionless, and only moved when it exploded forward towards the Earth’s surface in a blaze of silent blue fire. Projected onward with extraordinary speed, the silvery thing was a glittering bullet, carving a path through the space junkyard with the ease of a red-hot knife through butter. A floating old satellite was unfortunately rendered slivers as it strayed into the thing’s path. Likewise, a discarded rocket booster was punctured, engulfing the silvery egg in a terrific explosion. However, thanks to the near invisible force field protecting it, the silvery object continued undeterred on its voyage towards the blue planet.

The tiny “eyes” controlling Earth’s satellites retroactively erased the explosion from all databanks. While there was the idea that some humans could have witnessed it on the surface, the giant eye’s artificial intelligence did not foresee a problem. After all, besides their petty squabbles, humankind was among the most skeptical and self-centered people in the cosmos.

They still thought they were alone in the universe.

***********************************************************

They were alone in the universe.

It was that horrifying thought that brought her screaming back into consciousness. Or she would have screamed, if her vocal cords were not frozen from the shock of impact. As her turquoise eyes snapped opened, the first image that greeted her was a flickering, one-inch tall holographic woman on the white pilot console. Dressed only in elegant white robes, the beautiful ethereal creature was doubled over in pain, near collapse. A typical Viragon design aesthetic, she was the humanoid representation of the spacecraft; if she was dying, the ship was of no further use.

With a shake of her head, causing her long, shimmering silver ringlets to fly about, Oya Planetary Protector Crystal Century struggled to regain her bearings. Her body and mind seem to move on one accord, with one single word dominating their actions.

Escape.

Her body had been covered up to her neck in a thick clear gel, deployed by vents in the cramped oval chamber to protect her from the impact of the crash. Frantically, she tried moving her slender arms through the transparent muck as it leisurely drained. However, it was useless; it was as if her body was in freeze-frame, moving only half an inch at a time.

Time.

She did not know how much they had, because it all depended on their insignificance. Were she and her partner considered actual threats to her? Before their mission went south, before she even became a Planetary Protector, she, like all of her Viragon sisters, believed in two constants. The first was that the Viragon race was an invincible people, the warrior elite; the “Space Amazons” respected and feared by many a galactic civilization. The other was that she…the Chaos Queen, the Obsidian Curse, the Commander of the malevolent Silver Horde…was nothing more than myth, a boogeyman crafted by Viragon mothers to frighten wayward daughters.

Sadly, both firmly held beliefs were shattered in the span between heartbeats. Investigating a planetoid that had idly drifted into orbit around Oya, Crystal and her fellow Protectors expected to encounter anything, from the reptilian fighters of Zyr to the armored jellyfish of Dimension T. Never, in all the millennia, did they expect to find the denizens of their childhood nightmares onboard, with an all too- real vendetta against the Grandmother Council and the Queenmega, the ruler of the Viragon Empire.

She squeezed her eyes shut, the screams of her fallen comrades assaulting her mind mercilessly. They never stood a chance. The Silver Horde was just as terrible, swift, relentless, and vicious as their legends dictated. Even with all of the skills and talent at their command, the group crumbled and fell like old columns. While each of her teammates was dragged kicking and screaming into the darkness, she herself was drawn a little closer to the brink of madness. If it was not for Ishtar-

“Ishtar?” she croaked, her throat parched, her voice tinged with worry. The level of gel had gradually drained to her knees by this time, letting her quickly rise to her feet and stoop slightly below the low ceiling. The ship’s bridge, although very old, was like that of all other Viragon spacecraft, small and circular in design. The pilot’s chamber and the co-pilot’s chamber were each separate and self-contained. They sat back-to-back, each with their own instrumentation in glowing multi-colored consoles. As Crystal whirled behind to face her partner, the holographic woman on her console fell down dead, suddenly plunging the bridge into darkness.

“Ishtar?!” she cried out in the black, now very anxious. What if the gel had not been released in her chamber? The ship was very abandoned when they had found it in the lonely bowels of the planetoid. It was astounding (and Goddess-sent) that the rust-bucket worked, and even more astounding that it was space worthy. But what was most astounding was that it could transverse the warp gates; initially, archaic ships, not built for the stress of faster-than-light travel, would shatter into atoms at any attempt at entry. But thankfully, for some reason, they were still alive and even able to make it to the Earth’s surface in one piece.

In truth, the great risk would have been unwarranted if their homeworld would have simply listened. While escaping the horrid place, Crystal had sent simultaneous emergency transmissions to Protector’s Citadel (Planetary Protectors’ HQ), the Grandmother Council, and the Queenmega. She told them that their greatest enemy not only existed, but had returned to attack their beloved planet. She begged them to hold a crisis summit, and to assemble all the other Planetary Protectors as a first line of defense against the threat. She gave them the coordinates of the planetoid, and implored them to bomb it into oblivion.

The responding transmission was a jumbled collection of laughter, scolding, and threats of discharge from Protector duty.

Crystal and Ishtar could only listen in barely muted horror when they were told that the very maniac they had just escaped from… was simply a figment of their imagination.

They were also told that upon arrival on Oya, they would be escorted to the Psychiatric Temple for mental reprogramming.

“Ishtar…please…” Crystal said, her voice wavering. The very thought of being alone, the only Viragon on a barbaric frontier planet, frightened her even more than the Silver Horde. Blindly, she reached towards the co-pilot’s seat, groping about to touch her partner.

“Crystal, wait!” a tiny, high-pitched female voice suddenly shouted. A multi-colored orb suddenly lit up a few inches before Crystal’s eyes, washing the interior of the small bridge in dazzling colorful light. Upon closer inspection, the young warrior could make out a tiny, but well-developed female body with glowing butterfly-like wings.

“Neith!” the Protector squealed joyfully, leaning over to kiss the floating miniscule woman with her green-hued lips. How could she forget Neith? How could she forget the one person even more important than Ishtar? A Symbiotic Fairy from Oya, she and Crystal shared a very close bond, thanks to Crystal’s Orgone Factor. A unique genetic feature of most Viragons, the Orgone Factor bestowed strange talents and abilities to individuals. It once served as the greatest asset of the “Space Amazons”, in times past as galactic conquerors. But now, in modern society, Viragons with the Orgone Factor often joined the Planetary Protectors, their world’s champions of justice.

“Come on, I think she’s asleep!” Neith said shrilly, fluttering over to where Ishtar was. Quickly, Crystal scrambled over the pilot’s seat, and through the small bell-like opening between the two chambers. Cautiously, she stepped over Ishtar’s head, climbed down, and gently landed between her spread legs. For a minute, the Protector was paralyzed, spellbound by her partner’s beauty and serenity. Ishtar lay asleep in the co-pilot chair, oblivious to the dire situation. Her head was slightly tilted to the right with her shimmering purple domino mask skewed in the same direction, cushioned by her lengthily emerald tresses. Her well-defined bosom rose and fell gently, stretching the fabric of her skimpy purple halter top. The ubiquitous chain, made by Crystal from silver meteorites, glowed as it dangled above her undulating chest.

Crystal could do nothing but chuckle as she brushed a wayward green strand from Ishtar’s brown face. It was an uneasy chuckle, a titter of realization; she had been wired for so long that the present calmness was nearly disorienting.

“Crystal…we need to do something!” Neith startled her larger companion from her thoughts. “Someone native might come…and they might not be friendly.”

“Right.” Crystal agreed with a curt nod. She had forgotten that Neith had a huge stake in the present undertaking as well, if not greater. Just like the two Protectors, the fairy had abandoned her home, thrown caution to the wind, and embraced the idea of an archaic Earth’s assistance. However, unlike them, she was not human-looking, or even human-size; she could not eat any Earth material or exist for long in Earth’s atmosphere. Her entire survival depended on returning to Oya.

“Close your eyes.” Crystal ordered, her jade lips pressed in a grave line.

“Oh!” Neith exclaimed bashfully, covering her tiny eyes with her hands.

Placing her left hand on the co-pilot’s armrest to steady herself, Crystal took her right hand and grasped Ishtar’s chin tenderly, positioning her face forward. Then, she leaned forward to her partner’s face, initially brushing her inviting lips with her own, before enveloping them in a kiss. Ensnared in the pinnacle of romance’s touch, time lost meaning for the Protector. She did not know how long it took before Ishtar responded to it, or when their arms and bodies intertwined with each other. But soon, reality regained definition. Ishtar pulled back reluctantly from the kiss, licking her own ruby lips seductively, her light brown eyes a mixture of mirth and mischievousness.

“How can I deserve such splendor from the Goddess?” She said joyfully. “I wasn’t that good a Viragon…”

“What are you talking about?” Crystal whispered softly, sneaking another peck on her companion’s lips.

“The Celebration Realm of the Goddess?” Ishtar beamed. “Our Essences made it in.”

“Ishtar…” Crystal started.

“Can I open my eyes, now?” Neith asked warily.

“Aw! Little Neith made it in as well!” Ishtar grinned at the floating glowing fairy with a thumbs-up sign. “Even though I thought the Fairies had their own little Afterworld…”

“Ishtar, there-” Crystal started again.

“Actually, no.” Neith interrupted, still covering her eyes. “We are simply reborn in new bodies…we have forever souls…infinite as stars!”

“Alright, there’s-” Crystal tried again.

“That’s so propagandist, obviously!” Ishtar chuckled. “If you’re supposed to be all ‘infinite star forever souls’, then why are you here? Are you saying the ‘Afterlife Officials’ shuffled you off the mortal coil to the wrong address?”

“It’s not propaganda!” Neith squealed, peeking through her fingers cautiously. “It’s true…really, it’s in the Great Fairy Tomes!”

“Ishtar …you’re not-” Crystal tried to explain.

“Arguing is useless, fairy.” Ishtar shook her head firmly, her green bangs bouncing. “You are here. Your body is back on the other side. Your soul is here. End of story.”

Crystal opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. As Neith dropped her little arms to her sides, the two of them exchanged stunned glances in silence, not knowing what to do next.

After a few Earth minutes of uneasy quiet, Ishtar bowed her head with a defeated sigh, staring at her clasped hands in her lap.

“It wouldn’t last. Pretending.” She said quietly. “I’m not incompetent. I know where we are.”

As the admittance left her lips, the images flooded her mind’s eye frenziedly, horrible memories of color that would not stay buried. Blue was that of the Horde’s terrible weapon, the Neuro-Lancers, which stole the very control from your body. Gold was the villain’s gruesome throne room, with its crystal floor doubling as the ceiling to hundreds of defeated female warriors’ cells. Brown was the skin of the captured Viragon slaves that made up the Chaos Queen’s living, screaming, squirming throne. And Red? Red was the most haunting of them all.

Red was the talons that could easily shred Oya’s strongest metals. Red was the breastplate that could withstand the most potent of attacks. Red was the headdress that shielded ivory inhuman eyes of inescapable fury.

Red was the Nameless.

“Ishtar! Get a grip!”

Ishtar blinked her eyes frantically within the slits of her mask, not realizing where she was for a moment. “What?”

“You started trembling…and spaced out…” Crystal said calmly, kneeling between Ishtar’s legs and staring up into her eyes. “You’re still in shock. Calm down. Breathe. We’re going to get help. We’re on Earth. In the Sol System. Milkyway Galaxy.”

“Oh, Goddess!!” Ishtar gasped, tears suddenly overflowing her eyes. Relief of having escaped, survivor’s guilt, apprehension of new surroundings and culture shock…the concoction of emotions hit her like a colossal tidal wave. Gently squeezing Ishtar’s left gloved hand, Crystal kissed the back of it and caressed it gently. At this rubicon, she needed her partner more than anything.

“Look at me…crying like an Earth woman. How appropriate.” Ishtar tearfully reprimanded herself. “I’m so weak! Not fit to be a Protector…”

“It doesn’t matter-” Crystal wiped the tear streaks from her partner’s face with her thumbs.

“Curse it, Crystal! We have a reputation to uphold, to be proud Viragons…the Warrior Elite. Warriors…don’t cry! They don’t feel anything…”

“Sentient beings feel.” Crystal told her sympathetically. “Emotions mean we’re alive. Don’t believe in that traditionalist drivel.”

Ishtar parted her lips to reply, and then closed them. Wrapping her arms around Ishtar’s waist, the silver-haired Crystal laid her head in her partner’s lap, serenely closing her eyes. Fighting to contain her tears, Ishtar brushed Crystal’ hair away from her face, kissed her on the cheek, and laid her own forehead on that of her lover’s.

“I haven’t forgotten about you, Neith.” Crystal said softly. “Come here.”

The glowing fairy solemnly obeyed, floating down and landing softly on Ishtar’s bare leg, before Crystal’s face.

“Our planet might have abandoned us, but the Goddess never will.” The silver-haired warrior told them. “So from here on out, we are in her care. She is our guiding star now. Agreed?”

“Yes.” Her companions said solemnly.

“Let’s meet the locals.” Crystal rose from Ishtar’s lap and stood to full height, blindly feeling about the ceiling for a switch to open the bridge’s ceiling exit.

“You’ll have to stay out of sight, Neith.” Ishtar said sadly. “We don’t know how the humans will react to you-”

“She doesn’t have to.” Crystal interjected. “She’ll be fine…it’s just what we need-”

“These…humans are dangerous creatures, Cry!” Ishtar argued. “They…they fear what they don’t understand. And this being a frontier world…they don’t understand a lot!”

“The stranger, the better is what I’m saying.” Crystal gritted her teeth in frustration, her search for the switch increasing in desperation.

“Are you…wait an Earth cycle…” Ishtar’s eyes widened in realization. “This old standby had shields on it when we left…there. So, how did we crash?”

“That damn button is somewhere…” Crystal growled impatiently. “Hey, Neith…light it up for me!”

“Alright.” The fairy replied, glowing brighter as she flew up to where Crystal’s hands were.

“You heard me, Century!” Ishtar snarled, furrowing her brow and pressing her lips tightly together. “How did we crash?”

“Ah! Thanks, Neith!” Crystal cheered, successful in her search. Pressing the tiny white button above her head, she waited. A loud hissing, followed by a deep mechanical whirring, heralded the opening of the escape portal. The entire roof was suddenly thrust upward, and slid to the side, giving the otherworldly visitors their first unforgettable Earthly sight.

“Goddess…” Ishtar halted in mid-rant, awestruck by the glowing silver orb in the inky night sky. “I…I can’t fathom the words to say right now…”

“So they have one moon.” Crystal waved her off. “Oya has eight…”

“We have to appreciate beauty…no matter where we are.” Ishtar said quietly.

“Even back in that hell we escaped?” Crystal’s nostrils flared. “Was there beauty there?”

“Stop being such a joy-stealer!” Ishtar snapped.

Crystal glared down at her partner before looking away, exhaling deeply. “I…I just don’t want you to be distracted, that’s all. This is a mission-”

“Ha!” Ishtar snapped sarcastically, crossing her arms over her bosom in the slivers of moonlight. “Mission. I don’t do missions for those old maids anymore. And the Queenmega…I hope she gets captured…I hope so much…”

“What happen to all that posturing about being ‘warrior elite’ and ‘Viragon’?” Crystal prodded, holding her index and thumb before her face in a pinching motion.

“I…I don’t know…” Ishtar admitted in a beaten tone, bowing her head sadly. “I mean…we’re ‘swordfighting by heart’ now, aren’t we? Making it up as we go along. How do we approach the leaders of this world? Are we representatives of the Viragon Empire…or simply refugees?”

“Come on, Neith.” Crystal said, calling her fairy partner, who had retreated to the lowest depths of the co-pilot chamber to escape the inflowing atmosphere. A pulsating glow erupted from around Ishtar’s feet as Neith quickly emerged, her hands tightly clasped over her little mouth. Rocketing to Crystal’s face, she waited anxiously as the warrior widened the gap between her finger and thumb, creating a transparent oval in the process. When it was Neith’s size, the tiny woman quickly stepped inside the orb, sighing in relief as a self-contained Oya-like atmosphere was created around her.

“Thank you!” she shrieked cheerfully, buzzing about Crystal’s head like an overeager firefly.

“Of course, little one.” Crystal smiled slightly, before outstretching a hand towards her sitting lover.

“I don’t appreciate being considered whimsical.” Ishtar sniffed haughtily, frowning and looking away.

“Excuse me?” Crystal raised a silver eyebrow.

“Even after all this time…” Ishtar sighed. “All the years we’ve been together…and you still consider me a spoiled princess. It will always be the inevitable clash of classes between us.”

“I don’t think this is the time…” Crystal trailed off, rapidly glancing up at the night sky and back down at Ishtar’s masked visage.

“All I said was ‘Earth’s moon was beautiful’-”

“You’re doing it now!” Crystal snapped mildly. “Being ‘whimsical’ in a time of action. To answer one of your questions…we are escapees from the Horde. No Viragon Empire, no Oya. We don’t want to look like an alien invasion, and the very fact we look like them would probably fuel their overwhelming paranoia even more. We’ll meet with the leaders of the Earth Council-”

“There is no ‘Earth Council’, remember?” Ishtar replied. “The humans are too immature for such a concept. They’re still too busy fighting over land boundaries and other crazy things…”

“Like?” Neith floated down to Ishtar’s eye level.

“Religion.” Ishtar counted on her gloved fingers. “Skin color. Politics. Leisure time. Monetary gain.”

“Goddess…” Crystal rubbed her forehead, visually irritated. “And we need a united planetary force to fight Her. So where in the Dark Realms are we, ‘Tar?”

“If I remember my Interplanetary Studies…” Ishtar solemnly closed her eyes behind the slits of her mask. “I…don’t know.”

“What?!” Crystal exclaimed.

“Well, if…I don’t know, the ship was working, it would’ve been a simple matter for the instrumentation to pinpoint our position. But, since someone crashed the thing-”

“I had good reasons to!” Crystal retorted. “One, I wanted to make as much ‘noise’ in the least amount of time as possib-”

“Wait, you want the humans to find out about us this way?!” Neith squealed fearfully. “You realize calling them barbarians is an intergalactic in-joke, right? These madmen specialize in creating weaponized doom!!”

“Yes, I’m with the fairy.” Ishtar shook her head shamefully at her partner. “We took the same classes in Academy…I’m sure we studied the concept of ‘Fatman and Little Boy’ many times.”

The Silver-Haired Warrior said nothing, fearing that the anger and irritation building within her would explode. Narrowing her eyes in a glare towards her lover, her glowing green platform sandal thundered as she slammed it down on the seat between Ishtar’s well-defined legs. The other Viragon instinctively let loose a startled gasp, returning Crystal’s glower with one of her own. Sniffing in annoyance, Crystal pushed off with her foot, leaping spectacularly in the air. For mere seconds, Earth’s gravity relinquished its hold on her lithe form, letting her rise from within the ship and land on one of the transparent wings with the grace of a feather.

“Crystal! I’m sorry!” Neith squealed, leaving a stream of multi-colored light as she flew out of the ship’s exit.

“Don’t you see I had no other choice?!” Crystal whirled around to face her, her voice echoing in the moonlit night. “Where were we to go? You think the Lagonians, or the Plethors…you think ANY of our neighbors would help US?! We’re the Viragons, the ‘Space Amazons’…the most hated race in all the known galaxies. Except here. Except here, where they don’t know us. They don’t know anyone. Here…where ‘aliens’ don’t even exist…”

She trailed off, staring at the massive path of destruction wrought by her crashed interstellar vehicle. It stretched behind for miles into the darkened horizon, highlighted by large columns of black smoke that billowed into the starlit night sky, and waves of giant trees that lay on their sides. The length of the crash had escaped her memories. She could only remember the one sensation of being tossed about the pilot seat, and then blackness.

She felt lean, dark-skinned arms wrap around her waist, and a head, cushioned by soft, long tresses, lay against her bare upper back.

“Go on.” Ishtar whispered, her hands gradually sliding up and down Crystal’s toned abdomen.

“‘Go on’?” Crystal spat softly, resisting the urge to shrug her partner off.

“You damn fool.” Ishtar chuckled. “I’ve followed you from the courts of my kingdom, through the Academy, into the duties of a Planetary Protector. I took up this identity, this mask, for you. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily.”

“You sounded pretty damn convincing.”

“I want you unshakable in your beliefs.” Ishtar pressed her lips to her lover’s shoulder. “When you’re indomitable, I am. Neith is. So continue. What is the other reasons you-”

Before she could finish, Crystal sprung forward elegantly, her lengthily silver tresses fluttering behind her like a small cape. She landed neatly a few feet away from the ship, and suddenly took off in a dead run into the darkened forest.

“Cry!” Ishtar and Neith screamed in unison. Leaping after her, the emerald-haired Viragon raced after her comrade, with Neith fluttering directly behind. After a few minutes of silent darkness, the two Earth newcomers found themselves lost within the forest. Even the moonlight was not allowed to venture here, blocked by numerous thick clusters of twisted branches that hung overhead.

“Goddess!” Ishtar hissed, trying to regain her bearings. Had Crystal Century abandoned them on this desolate border world? She stymied the very thought out of sheer desperation. No. She could not fall apart now. For her sake, for precious Neith’s sake…she had to remain strong, to continue the mission.

“Neith-” she began, before she heard a whisper, someone calling her name. A few feet from her, she saw a pair of neon green wristbands sparkle in the darkness, followed by a pair of glowing green platform sandals.

“We had to get away from the ship before I could continue.” Floating green glowing lips told them. “I’m sorry.”

“Crystal!” Neith growled, zooming about Crystal’s head, illuminating her gorgeous face. “I should pound you into the-”

“She said she was sorry, little one.” Ishtar dashed zealously up to Crystal, staring into her eyes. “So? What’s the rest of the plan?”

“The second reason I crashed the ship…” Crystal bowed her head slightly. “I…I wanted to make it look as if we did not make it. As if we perished in the crash.”

“But wouldn’t our bodies need to be in the ship for that to work?” Ishtar pointed out anxiously.

“I was hoping it did not get that far.” Crystal turned and walked a few steps, nervously fidgeting with her thumbs. “If the Nameless had sent something after us…the crashed vessel should’ve been enough to avert her search. I mean, we’re just two…lowly Viragons, right? And a Symbiotic Fairy. On an isolated frontier world. Too much effort, right?”

“I tried that earlier, remember?!” Ishtar strode over and whirled Crystal around to face her. “Deluding yourself isn’t going to work! You’re one of, if not the highest ranking Protector on Oya, remember? And me? Secretly Princess of the Anansi Kingdom! Any of our enemies would want a piece of us…we’re living symbols of Oya’s prosperity… pieces of Oya’s heart and soul! One of us go, and it’s a major blow to Viragon morale!”

“She’s not going to send anything.” Crystal waved her off, biting on her thumb anxiously as she paced around.

“But, you know what’s the real gist of the tale is?” Ishtar kept in step with her, her apprehensive gaze unwavering. “The Nameless and her Silver Horde…they don’t care about our ranks. They want us. They want Viragons…any Viragon. Just like in the damn legends. They want to punish us, to make us suffer…for something we had nothing to do with! Do you know what this means? The legends and folklore…they weren’t just stories for entertainment-”

“They were instruction manuals. Warnings.” Crystal finished, her lower lip trembling as she halted in her tracks. “History. So. You’ve just added a countdown to our mission.”

“I’m hoping to add some confidence to you.” Ishtar placed her hands on Crystal’s shoulders. “There are cracks in my boulder, and I don’t need it crumbling to pieces.”

“That’s what I love about you.” Crystal sighed softly, staring longingly into her partner’s eyes. “I don’t have to wear the ‘Oya’s Greatest Warrior’ face. You’ve never came to me with your hands outstretched for anything.”

“My silver spoon has never left me.” Ishtar shrugged.

“Meaning?” Crystal cocked her head to the side, a bewildered look on her face.

“Meaning I’ve worn silk slippers since I was an infant, slept in the softest beds, and have had former bodyguards of the Queenmega herself as my babysitters. Even on our evolved planet, I am…was one of the social elite-”

“There’s a point in there?” Neith asked.

“What I mean to say, little one…” the masked Viragon threw her a dangerous glare. “Is that I’m no typical Viragon. Until I left those polish floors, the nightly feasts, and the limitless credits, I was ignorant of the average life…the life of wanting…of need. Those words did not enter my vocabulary until my twenty-fourth Oya cycle.”

“So you’re saying that credits can buy everything?” Neith’s tiny face fixed on Ishtar’s with a blank stare.

“She’s saying that being rich, she’s not all awestruck like the rest by me being ‘Oya’s Greatest Warrior’.” Crystal interjected, her attention intensely focused on her left emerald wrist bracelet. A holographic, three-dimensional map of the wooded area slowly materialized before her glistening eyes. Scarcely seconds later, a road appeared on the map, with an audible bleep announcing a representation of a long Earth vehicle traveling down it.

“Thank the Goddess…” the Silver-Haired Warrior wiped her eyes with her right arm and barely hid a smile. “I knew it.”

“Cry…” Ishtar trailed off, exchanging confused glances with the Symbiotic Fairy.

“We have sisters here.” Crystal could contain her excitement no longer. “Don’t you see? I just sent out a Savior Pulse with my bracelet, and someone responded! Someone very close!”

“No. No.” Ishtar shook her head. “How can there be Viragons on this planet, Cry?! So far away from the Empire-”

“Did you bump your head in the crash, Princess?” Crystal snapped. “They’re obviously Seedlings! It’s not like the Empire retrieved all of their agents back in the Expansion Era!”

The thought of encountering Seedlings, fanatical throwbacks to the time when the “Space Amazons” desired to conquer all of space, made the masked Viragon even more nervous. “Wouldn’t this warrior be nearly one hundred and fifty Oya cycles?” she asked anxiously. “How can one whose age rivals that of a Grandmother help us in this endeavor?”

“I don’t have all the answers, love.” Crystal admitted in a frustrated tone. “But we can’t squander options. Oya is being besieged by the Silver Horde. We have little time to waste in gathering allies and returning to free our sisters.”

“Besides, maybe the Seedling has an offspring-” Neith interjected before Ishtar whirled around and cut her off with a harsh stare.

“Inconceivable!” the masked Viragon snarled shrilly, her eyes blazing fire. “If she was true Viragon, she cannot reproduce without approval from the Matriarchs! And how can something be born from a union of Viragon and Earther…what a horrible, nightmarish creature that would be!”

So frightened was the little fairy at her companion’s reaction that she flew behind Crystal and hid trembling in her silvery locks. The multi-colored glow from her tiny trembling body caused a rainbow halo to radiate from her larger friend’s head.

“Be that as it may…” Crystal turned and began to walk deeper into the forest. “I welcome the help of monsters right now…human, half-breed, or otherwise.”

“Cry…” Ishtar’s gaze lingered for seconds on her lover’s retreating form before she followed. “Hold on. Where are we going?”

“Following the signal.” Crystal called over her shoulder. “If the Seedling followed her duties, she would have infiltrated some high position in the Earth Council-”

“You mean one of the Earth governments.” Ishtar corrected her.

Crystal nodded, pressing her lips tightly together in a line. “There will be a lot of lying involved.”

“How?” Neith flew out of Crystal’s hair and hovered around her left ear.

“We will have to convince her to reveal herself to her Earth compatriots, without revealing to her that…that the Empire had moved on, and had forgotten about her. That her mission, possibly the reason for her whole existence…was for nothing. Then…we have to convince the Earth to help us somehow…without them knowing that we were originally going to invade it.”

The extraterrestrial trio was silent as they continued to trudge through the shadow-drenched forest, each mentally lamenting the present uncertainty of their situation. None wanted to admit the seemingly pointlessness of their actions. Even if they managed the insurmountable odds of winning Earth to their side in the conflict, and even free Oya from the clutches of the Nameless, would they be accepted as Viragons once again? Would they even see their friends and family one more time?

Crystal Century mentally wrestled these thoughts into submission, and regained the single-mindedness that had served her well as Oya’s supreme Protector. Even without the support of the Queenmega and the Grandmother Council, this was a mission…a mission to regain her home from living nightmares.

Of course, the single-mindedness was a double-edged sword. She cursed herself for not realizing sooner.

From her academic studies, she had some working knowledge on Earth, including the strange animals that lived in the various “wilds” across the planet.

The forest was too quiet.

She came to a stop and glanced about frantically, her enhanced Viragon senses searching for anything out of the ordinary.

“Cry?” Ishtar whispered, whirling around back-to-back with her lover and mirroring her, inspecting where they had came from.

The Silver-Haired Warrior suddenly twirled around and shoved Ishtar, causing the emerald-tressed Viragon to fall to the ground. As the masked female landed in the dirt, her head snapped towards Crystal, her eyes wide in astonishment, her lips parting in the throes of protest. But her angry words stuck fast in her throat.

Crystal stood over her, her body limp, her arms dangling loosely at her sides, and her turquoise eyes glazed over. Her silvery head bobbed lifelessly from side to side, her brown face twitching uncontrollably. Ishtar’s eyes glistened with tears as they locked on to the reason for her lover’s bizarre state. It projected from her chest, a glowing, four-foot long laser blade colored dark blue.

Blue. Blue was the color of the Neuro-Lancer…the weapon of the Silver Horde.

Time and space seemingly froze as the jade-haired fighter leaped to her feet with blinding speed, dual kunai knives drawn from her purple utility belt. Her body reacted on instinct, the knives in both of her closed fists glistening in the weak moonlight as she lurched forward towards Crystal. The glowing blue blade was suddenly pulled from between Crystal’s cleavage, causing her flaccid, lifeless body to pitch forward. As Ishtar quickly returned the knives to her belt, in order to free her hands to catch her partner, she heard Neith’s tiny voice reach her ear.

“Watch out!” the tiny woman screamed.

The Masked Princess only had mere seconds to look over her shoulder, before an invisible wall of force slammed into her, taking her off of her feet. She smashed into a tree, steadfast and unyielding, and slumped droopily to its base, her body surging with agony.

Crystal’s own body thundered with pain as it hit the ground, unmoving. She tried to scream, but her lips would not quiver, her vocal cords would not vibrate. Her mind desperately sent commands to her various body parts, but nothing would obey. She was completely paralyzed, imprisoned within her own body. Still, somehow, when she landed, her head managed to face the direction where Ishtar had been thrown.

That was when her eyes met their worst nightmare once again.

It had a transparent silvery skeletal form, at least as far as its arms and legs were concerned. Its body was undeniably female and nude, with a glowing blue node on each metal breast. Shimmering wires of blue raced about its translucent form, mimicking the blood vessels of a living being. A hairless, fleshless skull head, affixed with a permanent grin of malevolence, projected blinding ruby spotlights from empty eye sockets. In its cold metal hands, a Neuro-Lancer, its’ ends blades of sapphire energy, was twirled expertly as the monster of myth stalked the unsteady Ishtar.

They are mockeries of us, child. Her mother’s voice abruptly returned to her thoughts, relating the horrifying legend of the Horde. They were created by Nameless to be Viragon warriors like us…but better. She…that creature…wanted to prove to the Goddess herself that she could build a better Viragon…

“Gbbbbb…” her throat creaked. Thirty seconds had past, and she could at least make sounds now. It would be a few more minutes before her whole body returned under her control.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Just Catchin' Up

2011-06-14T17:09:00.000-07:00

A lot of stuff is going on in my life recently...not at all bad stuff, thank God, but good stuff...a promotion(so to speak) here, a move there. Hope soon to have Internet privilages at the homestead, so I can keep a steady stream of updates for the Dusty Video Box. Until then, I'll often be sporatic, like the awesome X-men movie that I had to put my stank on. Go see it if you have the chance, comic fans.

Also preparing for my first novel(finally!), and now that I have the facility to ultilize, I can finally get these voices out of my head and onto paper! For years, they have been begging for release, and like a sadistic jailer, I've kept them locked up and threw away the key. Now, the floodgates will be opened...at least for this first project.

Of course, those voices have continued to build up over the years. For example, Emily Browning has inspired a project that I want to write...but it will have to wait in the pile with all of the others.

Just Awesome Cinema: X-men: First Class(Including Spoilers!)

2011-06-08T16:21:00.001-07:00

One of the most appealing scenes in X-men: First Class to me is Raven Darkholme(played by Kentucky-born Jennifer Lawrence, with much more heart than her predecessor)in a robe, brushing her teeth in the bathroom mirror and pining over her azure scaly skin. This simple application of human element to a superhuman character, one in a myriad of other examples, is what sets this wonderful movie lightyears above its previous installments, filled with license-spotlight stealer Wolverine gobbling up much needed myth-building time for the forty year franchise.

X-men: First Class is a prequel to 20th Century Fox's X-men franchise, which begun in 2000 with the first installment. Instead of series regular Bryan Singer or his later successors Brett Ratner and Gavin Hood(of the Wolverine film),Matthew Vaughn, he of Kick-Ass and Layer Cake, stepped into the role of helming Marvel's mutant cinematic exploits...and he does not disappoint. In fact, similar to Nolan's interpretation of Batman, Vaughn's celluloid vision is strong on atmosphere, story, and character, so strong that I pray that this film becomes the reboot of the whole franchise, as opposed to just a prequel.

And there is many examples that seem to lend it towards being a reboot, as continuity from the previous films seemed to ignored almost wholeheartedly. For example, Charles Xavier(James McAvoy) and Erik Lehnsherr(Micheal Fassbender) approach a certain famous Canuck to join their fledgling team of mutant operatives. From my understanding, Xavier did not know about his existence until decades later, in the first X-film. The same can be said for the existence of Havok(Lucas Till), who, in regular comic continuity, is the younger brother of Cyclops. But I'm not to much of a stickler for these details; one, movie continuity, which is essentially the boiled down "meat" of 40-years of comic continuity, won't exactly be the same as the comic, and two, this movie is so great that to linger over such details would ruin such an awesome experience.

The film itself takes place in the 1960s, and basically traces the origins of Magneto, Charles Xavier, and the origins of the X-men team in the shadows of the Cuban Missile Crisis. The major conflict is between Erik, Xavier, and the Hellfire Club, led by Sebastian Shaw(Kevin freakin' Bacon) and his second-in-command, the splendidly beautiful Emma Frost(January Jones). Other members include Azazel(Nightcrawler's freaking dad in comics in the worst storyline ever, The Draco, played by Jason Flemyng) and the silent Riptide(Alex Gonzalez). With the help of Moira Mactaggert(Rose Byrne) and her connection to the CIA, Xavier and Lehnsherr begin recruiting their own team, including Hank McCoy(Nicholas Hoult), Angel(Zoe Kravitz), the mentioned Havok, Darwin(Edi Gathegi), Raven, and Banshee(Caleb Jones). In between this, beautiful characterization is displayed, sides shift, and roles are taken in the conflict for the sake of both humanity and mutantkind. In a word...this film is a wonderful superhero film that strives for spectacular storytelling...unlike Thor, which, while very entertaining, nevertheless seemed somewhat your typical stock Marvel film.

The film also has a 60s' spy aesthetic to it, which is something I truly loved about it; I love it when a film has its own flavor(Thor has the same thing, more or less...it is the stock final battle that brings it down a notch for me). Although not an expert in cinematic techniques, I think Vaughn seemed to made the film with other 60s film techniques as well.

I am praying for a sequel/reboot!

Further Sucker Punch Comments and Other Movie Tidbits - 4/7/11

2011-04-07T16:33:00.000-07:00

If you haven't noticed by now, I've fallen in love with Sucker Punch, a film that literally plays to all of the tropes in my own stories! So, you can imagine how disturbed I was to see all the venom and hate spewed at this wonderful film by "professional" critics, too lazy to get off of their own asses to actually watch the film with an unbiased eye. It says a lot about our present civilization where a film with scantily-clad, but strong female warriors is judged harshly before it can get out of the gate good. Honestly, was Inception judged so harshly? A group of well-dressed men run across ceilings. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? And yet, for some reason, Inception was given immediate respect even before the film was out in theatres. Meanwhile, Sucker Punch is roasted because it has a sexy heroine in a schoolgirl outfit slicing up giant samurai. Mentioned out of context, it might sound silly. However, in context of the film, it makes perfect sense. Then again, it would make sense out of context anyway, because in all honesty...Sucker Punch is anime, through and through. As a guy who has crawled his way through the anime trenches over the years, I found it cool that Zach Synder had another reason for his great heroine story, something about how these women, despite their oversexualized costumes and trappings, persevere and save themselves from misogynistic evil. I admire that. I really do. But Snyder didn't have to work that hard:). All he had to do is point at the anime medium, with its beautiful female warriors, who, despite their sexy outfits, are more powerful than any man. Also, despite overwhelming fanservice, you'd be surprised by the actual stories behind the sensationalism. For example, the Witchblade anime might have heroines and villainesses in skimpy armor, with big breasts and sexual hinting out of the frame...but it also has the theme of motherhood and the importance of having a mother in one's life. Ikki Tousen, another anime, might have big breasted heroines in tiny school uniforms beating the clothes off of each other, but the central story is also about fate...how one goes about either accepting and fighting it. And that's another thing that bothered me when people would complain about this movie...video game references. I'm not saying they aren't there, but to me, that's far too limited a comparison. If anything, Sucker Punch was drenched in anime homages and nods...Emily Browning's Babydoll was more of a callback to Saya from Blood: The Last Vampire(complete with katana) and Mikura(from Mezzo Forte/Mezzo, complete with girlish pigtails and gun), the rest of the girls(in the second-dream reality) seemed like they shared costume and fighting tips with the crew from Daphne In The Brillant Blue and the Dirty Pair. The dream mission set in WWI reminded me of Hellsing(when they are fighting against the zombie German soldiers), and Amber's mecha with the bunny face could have originated in Sakura Wars or Power Dolls...geez, look at all of this good stuff people are missing out on! Anyway, again Snyder, Browning, and the rest...good job. The film may not ever get respect with the mainstream, but really...who fucking cares? Wanting a sequel to this film is selfish...but I would at least want an anime tie-in, ala The Animatrix or Batman: Gotham Knight...maybe a prequel showing Baby's life before she was stuck in the asylum. Anyway, other tidbits:

Battle of LA: This movie is what it says on the tin. Okay, that's not being fair. It is an alien invasion movie, ala Independence Day, but with Marines as opposed to the Air Force. From my understanding, the same FX studio who did the bland Skyline did this film, thus the similarities. Basically, Skyline ripped the Battle:LA folks off or something like that. Anyway...I'll give this movie a B-. The plot is entertaining, basically focusing on a group of marines in combat with the aliens on the city streets of LA, when they initially go on a mission to retrieve innocents caught in the invasion. The characters are your usual stock fare...even though I liked Aaron Eckhart's main character's burden with losing men on a previous mission in Iraq. Anyway, while this movie delivers some good war action, I found the antagonists to be...well, boring. While I hate Skyline, I really liked the creativity of the aliens, using human brains as CPUs to power their giant Cloverfield-esque mechs and other monsters. I just felt that would have brought a lot more fun to the proceedings, as opposed to bland aliens with fire guns. I also found it funny that Michelle Rodriquez was yet a soldier once again...she's a tough broad, but shouldn't she play other roles once in a while? And one more thing...where was the homage/nod/mention of the "real" Battle of Los Angeles?

I might go see Hanna. I might. While I love tough heroines, I also like a healthy helping of fanservice. Hey, at least I'm honest, lol. Wait...the actress is sixteen? Oh, damn...er, wow, look at the time...

Waiting on Thor, Fast Five, Green Lantern.

Just Awesome Cinema: Sucker Punch(Includes Spoilers!)

2011-03-28T14:59:00.000-07:00

In mankind's eons' long history, there has always been stories, and story cycles. In often the case, stories, while in cycle, always transform with the times, becoming something completely different each time humanity reaches a new era, but maintaining enough consistency to not change completely. Thus, for example, the mythological and folklore heroes of millenniums past become the pulp and superheroes of the modern age. This also happens when stories shift function, from explanation of natural phenomena to entertainment for the popular conscious.

Long story short...the spectacular Sucker Punch taps into the story cycle and story archetype originating with Alice in the world famous Alice in Wonderland(just "remade" last year by Tim Burton) and manifesting later in the heroine Dorothy Gale of the Wonderful Wizard of Oz...i.e. the young heroine trapped in a strange, dreamlike fantasyland. And just in case you did not get the memo, the costume and hairband of our heroine, Babydoll(played by the beautiful Emily Browning(damn, i have a crush on that woman!))is a nod towards Disney's version of Alice.

You can't judge by the typing, but that last remark was typed with a Chesire grin on my face. Sucker Punch not only homages Alice, but Dorothy as well...at least, imo; My reference for the homage comes from the 1939 MGM production, where, at the end of the film, after Dorothy clicks those red heels and return home, it turns out that Oz and her adventures in it were all a dream. Apparently, the movie creators figured that the audiences of the time would not accept the fact that Oz was real, even though that was the case in the novels. And in the modern day, it seems that some audiences and some professional critics can't make heads or tails of this movie, and lash out, calling it "bad". But more on that later.

The film itself, described by its creator Zach Synder as "Alice In Wonderland with machine guns"(although I would use Wizard of Oz), is about a young woman in the 1950s, known only in the story as Babydoll(Emily Browning) who, due to circumstances involving the death of her mother, her younger sister, and abuse by her corrupt stepfather(Gerard Plunkett), is taken to the mental institution known as the Lennox House. There, under the watch of the asylum's main psychiatrist, Dr. Vera Gorski(Carla Gugino) and corrupt orderly Blue Jones(played with despicable perfection by Oscar Isaac), Babydoll awaits her doom at the end of a lobotomy needle, courtesy of a underhanded deal between her stepfather and Blue. Her stepfather wants her out the way, to hide the truth about Babydoll's sister's death, and to obtain the family fortune left by her deceased mother.

This is where my MGM Wizard of Oz reference kicks in. Babydoll creates an elaborate fantasy world in her mind, where she is a dancer, brought to a brothel owned by pimp Blue Jones to be sold to the mysterious High Roller in five days(corresponding with her real world countdown to the lobotomy). There, she meets the rest of her crew: sisters Sweetpea(Abbie Cornish) and Rocket(Jena Malone), Blondie(Vanessa "Far from High School Musical" Hudgens), and Amber(Jamie "Making up for Dragonball: Evolution" Chung). When told to dance before Blue and her fellow dancers by the brothel's madam, Madame Gorski, Babydoll, in order to get over her shyness, retreats into a second fantasyworld, where she becomes an awesome schoolgirl warrior. In her first venture into this second-level fantasy world, she is given a mission by a mysterious sensei(Scott Glenn) to obtain five items: a map, fire, a knife, a key, and a mystery.

These five items all correspond with items in the real world, all detected by Babydoll upon first entering the asylum. After succeeding in her first mission in the "inner" fantasy world, Babydoll returns to the first level fantasyworld to learn that her dancing is so potent, that it causes tears in the eyes of Blue and applause from her fellow dancers(when she dances, she goes into a trance, her mind always returning to the second-level reality for missions, where she obtains each item on her list; or an alternate interpretation is that she views each dance as a mission to gain each item). Afterwards, she vows to escape the confines of the brothel(in the real world, this is the asylum) and asks for help from her four new allies.

And thus, Sucker Punch is off and running. As one commercial puts it, it is "Kill Bill meets Inception". I would probably substitute an anime title in place of Kill Bill, such as Kite or Blood: The Last Vampire; but the Inception comparison is correct and unavoidable. Both films play on levels of reality and dreams, and the blurring between them at various points. And unlike what most professional critics and some audience members would lead you to believe, Sucker Punch's exploration of reality versus dreams is definitely on par with Nolan's dream opus. Of course, unlike Inception, the subject of dreams versus reality itself isn't explored...but both are used in Sucker Punch to craft the journey of its heroine from start to finish, initially giving her the will to escape, and finally the mental and emotional strength to confront the monstrous Blue Jones(in all of his various incarnations) at the end of the tale.

Thus...everything, EVERY single thing in the film is justified, from battles with steam-powered Nazi zombie soldiers on the second-level dream reality to the fetish costumes in the brothel in the first-level of her dream reality. In the end, this is ALL taking place in Babydoll's mind, influenced by real world stimuli like orderly Blue Jones's sexual advances(seen, for example, when real-world Babydoll is scrubbing toilets and Jones roughly caresses her face, making her feel like a prostitute) and the various items around the asylum that she needs in order to make her escape. This is similar to the Nightmare on Elm Street series, where characters' actions and even dreams reflect things in the real world.

While the story is very sound, the special effects are awesome, and the battles, while not uber-creative(sharing another trait with Inception's somewhat stock dream battles)are...well, awesome. Yes, we might have a somewhat cliche dragon battle, but it also involves a WWI(or WWII?)style-bomber, girls with machine guns, and their sexy leader, a girl in a schoolgirl outfit and a katana. Did I mention that said girl slit the throat of a baby dragon and stole the very organs that create fire out of his throat? Yes, it happens in a dream within a dream...but it is still cool.

It boggles the mind why this film is getting a bad rep. This is an excellent, quality film, with a wonderful story that invokes Dorothy and Alice and their journeys through dreamlike fantasylands, but with a darker, more adult tone. Instead of the fictional folklore traditions of wicked witches, talking animals, and royalty, director Synder draws upon "folklore" and "story" characters relevant to our present culture...anime and video game standbys like dragons, Nazi zombies, giant samurai, and real world fears like evil pimps and sexual slavery. All is cleverly blended together in a story about a young woman dealing with helplessness by retreating into a dream world.

This movie gets an "A" from this audience member. If this is a bad movie, I want more please.

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Blue Playlist

2011-02-28T16:04:00.000-08:00

Being a writer can be somewhat frustrating, especially when I can't really talk about my projects with anyone in depth, let along even utter the names of the characters without a mountain of intelletual property protection. So instead, I've decided to put together a Youtube playlist for you guys to rock out on, basically the same playlist I'm using for inspiration for my current novel project. These songs are various J-Pop and J-Rock songs, pop songs and rock songs from Japan. Yeah, they might not be in English...but who has to totally understand the words to jam?! I mean, do you get mad at instrumental music because there are no words? Anyway...enjoy The Blue Playlist!

Hikari Sasuhou by Back-On(uploaded by dragonkill1987)

Haruka Kanata by Asian Kung-Fu Generation(uploaded by Darokun12)

Identity by Sacra(uploaded by 9fuck9you9tube)

Rewrite by Asian Kung-Fu Generation(uploaded by MGVguy)

Again by Yui(uploaded by vladimird55)

Hoshi Akari by Jyukai(uploaded by oikyan)

Kimi ga Sora Datta by Misato Aki(uploaded by BlazesLover)

Michi to you all by aluto(uploaded by tictactoe20e)

Go!(Fighting Dreamers) by FLOW(uploaded by kindgirlz1)

Tomorrow by Shimokawa Mikuni(uploaded by MeGotNoLife)

O2 by Orange Range(uploaded by ktaskishima15)

My Will by Dream(uploaded by Tenchikins)

Seishun Kyousoukyoku by Sambomaster(uploaded by KageShinobiWarrior)

Crystal Energy by Kuribayashi Minami(uploaded by cikonos)

One Day by The Rootless(uploaded by YujiSetsuna)

Hikari no Rock by Sambomaster(uploaded by ichiban109)

17. Obokuri - Eemui by Ikue Asazaki(uploaded by silmanarmo)

18. Kutso Himo by Asami Yamamoto(uploaded by princeuriko)

Lil Tidbits - 2/28/11

2011-02-28T15:25:00.000-08:00

There has been a little "unfocusness" on this blog, mainly around Overmaster Wars: Resolute. And possibly for a few days, you saw a rough storyline on the subject...yeah, sorry about that. I kind of did the posting on the spur of the moment, and then second thoughts crept in. When I think about it, I think any Overmaster Wars story wouldn't be right without Brad Chung's characters anyway. It would be the equivalent of doing Transformers without Optimus Prime and Megatron(would that be Go-Bots, lol?); its more than just the characters themselves...it the "flavor" of the story as well. So if I did write this story? Thunderbolt Woman would be in it. In fact, I would use some of the other characters that I did not get to use, like The Lappe, The Lynx, Super-Eagle...and Amazing Woman(created by No Name and Superstories). Amazing Woman would have been part of the 1970s Protectors, and, unlike the others, not have a weakness of chloroform. If there are any superhero chloro-fans who would love for me to tell the story, I could...

The only thing holding me back on that Neutron feature I keep promising is that I want to have photos in the feature. I don't want to just write about it...I want it drenched in photos. But since I don't have the resources currently...it will be a while.

Dusty Video Box Announcement: Overmaster Wars: Resolute!

2011-02-11T11:04:00.000-08:00

Thanks to some response from The Ultimate Superheroine Forum, where I posted the story in its entirety, I've decided to do a remake/reimagining of Overmaster Wars as Overmaster Wars: Resolute. The concept, about chloroform-powered gynoids that hunt superheroines, will remain the same, while there will be a reimagined version of Thunderbolt Woman, named Comet Woman, who is one of the main characters.

The subtitle comes from the idea that Resolute will be the first of a trilogy of epics...but of course, we'll have to see how that goes. The story itself will be similar to Ultimate Marvel...there will be characters similar to The Sound Of Great Thunder, but their backstories will be stream-lined, and hopefully much easier to get into and understand.

Will be working on the Urban Legend, the prologue to Resolute soon!

Lil Tidbits - 2/3/11

2011-02-03T18:51:00.000-08:00

The awesome B-movie Mother's Day is being remade...and I want to scream. Not because it is being made...but because the remake does not resemble the original film in the least! It's like someone remaking the Spiderman movie, and it turns into this! Of course, this isn't the first remake that have accomplished this so far...there was Sorority Row, remake of House on Sorority Row.

Speaking of movies...waiting on Sucker Punch. Seriously, this film is literally like something I would write...beautiful heroines, action, monsters, mechas, and lots of ass-kicking. And look...I like Emily Browning. She has lots of potiential, and she's...cute. *shrugs*...although her with very short hair looks weird to me.

Reading Secret Avengers, Batman: Inc, Invincible Ironman, Captain America, and New Avengers. I've decided to give Avengers a shot, but dropped New Avengers...I can only read one Bendis's Avengers at a time. More on that later.

I've gotten use to Neutron in Smackdown Versus Raw 2011, so prepare for a feature on how to make your own soon!

Dusty Video Box Presents: Overmaster Wars(Restricted! Rated NC-17)

2011-02-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

RESTICTED: MAYBE OFFENSIVE TO SOME! (thanks to burnsluciano)

I always consider Overmaster Wars my first novel project, even though I did not get further than the second chapter of the novel's first arc. It was the final nail in the coffin of what I really desired to do with my life: to become a professional fantasy/science fiction writer. This unfinished work will always be one of the few regrets I have in my life so far; the reason I did not finish it was the most simplest reason: I was not getting paid for it.

I always find my mind often drifting back to this story, wondering...what if? What if I had finished it the way I wanted to? Or at least, finished the first story arc, which I called The Sound Of Great Thunder!,as its own little novella?

But I think I should start at the beginning.

Overmaster Wars started out as an idea I had for "superheroine eroticism". Now, this subject covers a myriad of fetishes that could be considered sexual(of course, the word fetish already brings implied sexual implications), such as bondage(i.e. superheroine being captured and tied up), fighting(superheroine being physically assaulted by villains) and chloroforming(when superheroine is knocked out by a chloroform rag, made famous by Wonder Woman's 1970 television series). There is a cottage industry for this stuff online, seriously. Such websites as New Goddess Cinema, Supersexyheroines, and the Sisterhood of Superheroines are merely the tip of the iceberg; the level of eroticism varies among these sites, of course. Some can be merely innocent costumed fantasies, like the shows on television, while others can range from soft core to hard core porn levels.

Long story short, the initial concept for Overmaster Wars was inspired by the subject of superheroine chloroforming. Bear in mind this was not because of finding a conduit for sexual desire; instead, I was inspired by the idea of a team of superheroines being captured by one villain(let's face it, it is undeniably misogynistic) from slasher films. I basically wanted to lift the typical slasher film formula(i.e. a villain stalking victims) and apply it to the superheroine scene. When I first conceived the concept in 2003, there wasn't any such thing. I think the closest story I seen, which served the fuel my own aspiration, was Kiss The Superheroines from Super-Becca website. Just like Madman Marz or Angela, the Charmer captured superheroines one at a time, before being stopped at the end of the story.

So, after initial conception, I could have created my own batch of superheroines and went to town. But I decided to center the story around some borrowed characters. At first, I was going to use characters(with permission, of course) from Becca's Superheroine Fantasies website...but that was before I met Brad Chung's Samba character. You see, Mr. Chung was basically a prolific author of superheroine chloroforming/defeat/submission/bondage stories, creating such characters as Thunderbolt Woman, The Black Ant, The Lioness, and Miss Muscle. Many of his character designs seemed to mirror, in my opinion, the Lynda Carter Wonder Woman, but with a much more racial and national flavor(for example, Samba was from Rio de Janerio, and Thunderbolt Woman was from Trinidad and Tobago), which is one of the main reasons I fell in love with them. Immediately, I contacted Mr. Chung for permission to use his character Samba...and the rest was history.

The root of Overmaster Wars would begin from Samba. Deciding to maintain the 1970s' feel that many of Chung's creations had(as many of them seemed to have had drawn inspiration from Carter's Wonder Woman), I also drew inspiration from Challenge of the Superfriends. Thus, the Protectors of Justice was born: A Superfriends-esque all-star team of Chung's heroines, lead by Thunderbolt Woman, based out of the Citadel of Heroines in Port of Spain. Their enemy was, of course, The Overmaster...who used his chloroformed-powered robots named Synturions to capture superheroine enemies and torture them in a variety of erotic ways. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

You see, the two stories I did do, were the beginning of the series(i.e. novel's) first storyarc, The Sound of Great Thunder. The title comes from one of the exclamations that Thunderbolt Woman usually utters when excited(no, not that kind of excited!). The idea was to slowly reveal the conflict between the Protectors and Overmaster restarting anew in the modern age, and retroactively reveal the backstory of the age-long conflict to the audience. However, since I did not get beyond the second episode, I did not get to reveal much. So, you don't get to meet the whole of the current Protectors team, led by Samba, or the 1970s incarnation, lead by Thunderbolt Woman(except you get Rohanna, who was a member of the 1970s team). And more importantly, no Overmaster. My general idea was for him to be essentially the literal bogeyman to the heroines...a nightmarish figure on the fringes of their line of vision, the being that causes them to look over their slender shoulders to see if they weren't being followed at night. He was inspired by Freddy Kruger.

I did a lot of research for Overmaster Wars...reading and rereading Chung's stories, studying his writing style and emulating it, taking bits and pieces of continuity and shaping the universe for my story. Thus, this maybe a double edged sword, as there are tons of nods in the two stories that if you weren't a reader of Brad Chung's work, would fly over your head. Not to toot my own horn, but to put it in perspective, an easy comparison would be Grant Morrison's Batman or Geoff John's Green Lantern...both use continuity to build stories, and in Morrison's Batman's case, use all of Batman's 60+ year continuity, no matter how obscure. That's how I would have written Overmaster Wars...full of continuity, but building its own world and story. Overmaster's story itself ties into several of the Protectors'(of both teams) origins, such as Ocelot Woman 1940's tribe of origin, the Changra Tribe.

So, without further adieu, here is the first chapter of the story. If you enjoy it, proceed to the next. Remember, this story deals with erotic matters; I consider it a sexploitation/erotic exploitation-type story, in the vein of this.

Neutron: Update

2011-01-22T13:42:00.000-08:00

I recently bought Smackdown Versus Raw 2011, and...I will have to postpone my Neutron feature. The controls have been changed yet again, and not for the better! The bulk of Neutron's combination signature moves, like the Comet Crash and the Kerb Crawler...are non-existent! So, back to the drawing board. I'll probably put her design for 2010 up first, and later, when I get use to 2011's messy changes, I'll put up her 2011 incarnation. So until then, keep a look out for Neutron!

A Big Sack:1/22/11

2011-01-22T11:47:00.000-08:00

Starting out on a sad note, it seems that Blockbuster is closing its doors, having fallen to the Redbox blight...blight, in my opinion, because I love going to the video store and browsing for titles. I can see the point of a Redbox in those isolated rural areas of the country where one can't get to a local video store. But in the greater populated areas, it is sad to see the video stores dropping like poisoned flies. Ironically, the reason I went to various video stores in my city was not to rent or purchase new releases, but to check out old stuff...exploitation and slasher movies from the 1970s and 80s, and even stuff from like 2006 and 2007.

So, while this maybe be my last A Big Sack feature, it will not be my last B-movie feature. If you did not know, the reason I called it A Big Sack was because it came from Blockbuster's Five Movies, Five Days, Five Dollar deal, where I would get a, well, big sack of goodies(and baddies) films to enjoy. Anyway, let's move on:

Shuttle: Rating films is really a complicated process. What I mean is, there are your typical "A" films, like Titanic, where everyone across the board sees it as an excellent film. Then there are your "B" films, maybe like Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, which will be derided because it seemingly lacks complexity or whatever. However, at the same time, why like the "A" movie or see it as good, because everyone else does? Why hate the "B" film because everyone else does? Long story short, Shuttle is strictly a movie in the "B" category, but it is a really good film. The film is about two girl-friends(Peyton List and Cameron Goodman) who, after returning from a vacation in Mexico, board a shuttle bus for transportation along with two guys they have just met(James Synder and Dave Power). The Driver of the bus(Tony Curran) turns the trip into a night of horror after the pretense of not knowing where he is going. Shuttle has some excellent set-ups and twists; nearly every small detail you see in the film gets a shout-out and a payoff at the film's climax and resolution, demonstrating a decent script, imo(I'm not exactly expecting Nolan or Tarentino here). One of the better quality independent movies I've enjoyed. A.

The Final: An Eight Films To Die For IV movie that, as a former high school outcast, I can definitely empathize with, as well as can be seen as horrifyingly realistic(with so many school shootings in recent years), The Final is about six constantly bullied high school students who decide to take revenge on their tormentors. Their plan consists of setting up a costumed party at an isolated location to lure the various bullies to, donning awesome costumes of their own, drugging the bullies, chaining them up, and then torturing them in horrific ways. Easily one of the scariest of the movies I rented, because it is possibly the closest to reality. Such chilling torture scenes include face paste that can melt your face off, fingers being chopped off, and bear traps. The funny thing is...without my parents and God, I probably would have done something to the people at my high school akin to this. It's creepy to think that way, but bullying is bullying...it affects people. Kudos for having a black character who had much bearing on the plot(Jascha Washington) beyond filling a token minority spot:). Also, shame on After Dark Films for not using the awesome original poster(viewed upper left of this article), instead using a boring, generic poster:(. This movie is A+.

Feast 2: The awesome mayhem continues. With such awesome ingredients as a biker chick(i.e. Biker Queen) and her gang of hot mommas, a tag-team of little people Mexican wrestlers, and Cole(Carl Anthony Payne II of Martin fame), we have the spectacular second installment of the Feast saga. There are definitely more than a few jaw-dropping moments that play against expectations from any story you've read before, let along any movie you've watched. One example involves an innocent little baby. A+ all the way!

Neighbor: America Olivio...just let me write you a film, seriously. Neighbor is the inappropriate title to this film, which should be called Invader or Interloper. Olivio's character seems more like a plot device than a character, and a god-moding type at that. She seems to be invincible and indomitable, a spectre that can job and kill anybody without batting an eyelash. There is no motive, no rhyme or reason to her actions. Comparing her to Angela Baker, the star villain of the Sleepaway Camp slasher series would not be fair, as Angela...is actually developed to some degree. What we have here is a film that simply shows blood and gore, and nothing more. Characters aren't developed, the storyline makes no sense(why is Olivio's character killing random people? Where did she come from? And why attack and kill the main character and his friends?). I probably would have actually liked the film if "The Girl" was developed a bit...even in slasher/"torture porn"/horror films, I want some developed characters and good story. This movie is D.

The Reeds: From Eight Films To Die For IV is this English film. Initially, I thought the film would be similar to Eden Lake, about English citizens in an isolated part of the countryside being harassed by murderous hoodlums. Instead, this great film offers a cool concept and a few good twists. Basically, six friends go boating in reed country, where many strange things occur, perpetrated by a rowdy group of teenagers and a strange hooded man with a shotgun. This movie is a B+.

Thanks to all on Youtube for posting the various trailers!

Just Awesome Cinema: The Green Hornet

2011-01-19T16:46:00.000-08:00

When I first heard about Seth Rogen's involvement with The Green Hornet, my reaction was far from favorable. After all, we're talking about lovable heavyweight Seth Rogen, the guy who made his mark on the comedy Knocked Up, and whose darkest film, Observe And Report, was a movie so disturbing(one gag involved his character, for all intents and purposes, raping an unconscious Anna Faris) that it felt sort of guilty laughing at the jokes. But, if anything, while comedic in its wrappings, The Green Hornet provides a chewy center of action at its core.

The story is your typical superhero origin tale, and I'm not trying to sound negative about it at all. Britt Reid(Seth Rogen) is your typical rich heir with no day job, whose entrance into the story as an adult is heralded by an appliance being hurled through a balcony glass door. The family business he is heir to is the Los Angeles newspaper, the Daily Sentinel, ran by James Reid(Tom Wilkinson), Britt's hardcase father. Our hero is in no hurry to inherit his duties, and thoroughly enjoys his life of leisure, although he is reluctant to admit that he is directionless. When his father dies suddenly under suspicious circumstances, Britt is suddenly given the reins to his father's newspaper empire. He also meets Kato(Jay Chou), a mechanical genius and martial arts master, who was his father's mechanic. The duo become fast friends and, seeking revenge on Britt's father for various misgivings in the past, decide one night to, in disguise, deface a statue of him given by the city.

This one exercise in mischief creates the genesis of the Green Hornet legend.

Meanwhile, a powerful crimeboss named Benjamin Chudnofsky(the awesome Christoph Waltz) has taken over the Los Angeles underworld, but one thing eludes him: why does no one fear him? After concieving the idea of the Green Hornet, Britt decides to use the Sentinel in a masterplan to push the masked hero as a criminal, in order to bait Chudnofsky into a confrontation. He hires Lenore Case(Cameron Diaz), who holds a degree in Criminology, as a secretary, using her knowledge as ideas to boost the Hornet's criminal reputation. Meanwhile, District Attorney Frank Scanlon(David Harbour) pursues Britt, because of the newspaper's focus on the Hornet's unstoppable reign of crime is making him seem inadequate to the public eye.

The Green Hornet is a fun movie, although the 3-D aspect is non-existent and a waste of extra money. Seth Rogen is funny, and one can tell that he really slimmed down for the role. Jay Chou is awesome as Kato...and while comparisons to Bruce Lee is expected, I think he rather did good simply as the masked partner(possibly the only partner of a superhero who overshadowed the main character!), and I loved the idea of the script drawing attention to the fact that he doesn't actually have a super-codename. While the rest of the cast was great(the Jew-Hunter as the main villian!!!!), its easy to overlook the third major character of the piece...sorry Ms. Diaz, i'm talking about the tricked-out Black Beauty! I've only seen three episodes of the old show, but man, I don't remember all of those wonderful toys in it!

I'm sure there are people out there that wanted a "serious" Green Hornet film, ala Dark Knight. What can I say? They have merit. However, the only complaint I truly have about this film? The Flight of the Bumblebee wasn't used hardly. It was used in Kill Bill, for goodness sake! But here? Only some crappy hip-hop remake. Talk about gag inducing!

2011: The Year of M. Hadley?

2011-01-03T15:52:00.000-08:00

Well, its the third day of the new year(happy New Year, everyone!) and it seems to be off to a good start so far. 2010, for me, wasn't a BAD year, so much that it was a disappointing year. I mean, it could have been much worse, and I try to be thankful for all the blessings the Lord give us daily that we take for granted. I haven't been to a doctor of any kind, although I'm feeling pain in my tooth when I chew.

Time to visit the Dentist very soon.

Why was 2010 a disappointing year?

For one, the car I purchased with the urging of my father...was disabled for months on end. I got it through inspection, only for it to run out of electricity literally an hour after. Then, it developed countless other problems, which caused it to be "set up" for yet another few months. In all honesty, I haven't driven the car much at all! And trying to find someone to help fix it was like searching for that needle in the haystack.

So, again...this is a new year. I'm planning to post more here...talk about different superhero comic stories, anime, slasher and other genre and exploitation films...and so on and so forth. I'm hoping to post more this year then last.

So, stick with me, people...and let's embrace this brave new year together!

Lil Tidbits: 12/16/10

2010-12-16T15:28:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems it will be a while before I can post again here. Still working towards establishing a more dependable connection, so I can post more regularly.
Merry Christmas to everyone...but don't forget the most important thing: Christmas shouldn't be about presents...it should be about family, and presents...for the kids, or the very less unfortunate. Also, Happy New Year.
Snooki from that Jersey Shore show...getting punched in the face. I'm sorry, call me an ***hole, but that was funny. In my opinion...this is reality television. More of this(not punching Snooki or ANY woman in the face, but punching one of those guys in the face would be nice)...and I would love it.

Dusty Video Box Presents: Neutron!

2010-12-06T18:29:00.000-08:00

I'm not a sports fan. There...I said it. One of the basest requirements for most people in America, it seems, is that you have to automatically love sports. I'll have some random guy coming up to me, asking about the score to some random game centered around teams that I don't know, and wouldn't give Harvey Dent's two-headed coin to care about. Or you'll have everyone gossiping about the latest Football or Basketball game or star...and that's the limit of their character; it would be like me talking about my love for Women-In-Prison flicks, and only my WIP flick love. What grinds my gears the most, is this brainwashed mass thinks that if you don't love sports, something is wrong with you. I've had one of my best friends say that you're not a man if you're not into sports...or some outrageous nonsense like that.

Then, these morons want to ridicule my love of superhero comics and anime, as if their uber-fanboyish mannerisms and behavior is the epitome of civilization. Really? That anime fan in the Naruto headband and the Bleach costume? He's exactly the same as the Cowboy fan in the store-bought jersey and matching face paint. But I digress. The main point of this post is because, while I don't like Basketball and Football...i do love Pro Wrestling. While Pro-Wrestling is preplanned(these guys and girls literally bleed and bruise for fans. I adamantly refuse to call it "fake"), it is a contest between humans. What draws me to WWE and TNA is probably the concept of men and women in a struggle between good and evil, something shared with various comics, anime, and soap-opera shows. These various characters are often exaggerated beyond human norm, with the combat between them increased to superhuman levels as well. How else can you explain why a person will lay stunned for so long for The People's Elbow(thanks to siranunei for clip)?

I might not dig Joe Madden, but I've collected the Playstation's THQ's Smackdown and later Smackdown Versus Raw video game series for years. Thus, in preparation for the latest iteration of the title, which I don't have the money to afford yet, I'm going to tell you about one of my trademark characters, Neutron. It's a little tradition I have, dating back to the very first Smackdown game on PS1. Originally, her name was Extreme Saiyan. Back then, I had discovered anime, and, high on late-night Toonami Dragonball Z, named her after the race in which main protagonist Son Goku is part of. However, I think it was either my brother, or one of my best friends, that said that she did not look the part...and yeah, they were right. After all, she had Lita's head, not the spikey tresses of the Saiyan.

By the time I recieved Smackdown: Shut Your Mouth, I had rechristened her Neutron. Her wrestling/fighting style was a mixture of martial artists(like Xpac, Ultimo Dragon, Tajiri), luchador(Rey Mysterio, the Hardy Boys), and a few Japanese-wrestling moves(like the Michinoku Driver). Since the games would change over the years, some moves were taken out, and I would have to use substitutions. But with every new game I get, the first is always the creation of Neutron. She has been a six-time World Heavyweight Champion(back when you could "trick" the games into making her "male" to fight guys, instead of now(from 2007 onward) where girls fight girls, guys fight guys), and recently is/was both Divas and Women Champion.

I wish I could post pictures of her design, but basically...picture a scantily-clad Asian chick with silver hair, slender, with various tattoos and one or two piercings. Her backstory goes like this: she was kidnapped into sexual slavery, and taken to Europe, where she was initially a prostitute. However, she was soon taken under the wing of a madam who was a martial artist and wrestling fan, who trained her to fight. After months of training, the two escaped their captors, and went initally to Mexico(clip thanks to herbert43), because the madam thought Neutron would make a great female wrestler. She was right...Neutron became famous in Mexico, and then toured Japan,(clip thanks to DoubleMiz) where she trained and wrestled as well. She was scouted by the WWE when she went to the UK.

What I'm thinking about doing is, after I purchase the latest game, I'm going to put together a step-by-step guide on creating your own Neutron. But until then, here are some signature and the finisher that Neutron employs in the various previous games:

Signature Moves:

Red Light Rush(Buzzsaw Rush, followed immediately by Ultimo Dragon's Kick Combo): A barrage of lightning fast punches and kicks, ending in a spinning heel kick)

Seven Veil Poledance(Multiple Kicks in Ring Corner(ala Xpac), followed by a backward flip(Taunt), and Footstepping in lower corner)

Kerb Crawler(Extreme Twist of Fate, followed by Flipping Leg Drop on downed opponent)

Finisher:

Cresent Kick: Basically, its a Superkick. What makes it special is Neutron's giant platform sandals. I haven't gotten it the way I imagine it in my head, where, similar to HBK, she would daze an opponent, walk to the other ring post facing the guy, do a charging-up motion(similar to characters in anime), and kick her opponent in the face. But, have to work with what I have. Originally, this was just a warm-up move to the Cresent Slam, but I decided to keep this as the finisher. This is basically her RKO, her Attitude Adjustment, her People's Elbow.

Lil Tidbits: 12/1/10

2010-12-01T17:59:00.000-08:00

Before I continue, want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and ANY other holidays that are celebrated in the month of December. Now, not to bring this well-wishing down on a sour note, but the latter two holidays non-withstanding...does anyone celebrate Christmas BECAUSE of a selected date for Jesus's birthday? The Black Friday phenomenon says no. Now, imo, Christmas, as a materialistic...ahem, "gift-giving" holiday should be celebrated for the kids. Hell, when I have my kids, I'm going to buy them everything under the moon. But adults...with Christmas Lists? Seriously? If God has blessed you with a job, why the hell are you so wrapped up in getting or gaining gifts for Christmas for and from other adults? I guess I personally can do without the materialistic aspects of Christmas...which should be reserved for the kids, or homeless people who can't afford food and clothing.

I will do more video features on the blog when I get a chance. I want to do a They Wasted Good Exploitation for Bloodlines. I'll also talk about movies like Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark, The Big Bird Cage, TNT Jackson...damn, I love this stuff!

I apologize about the promised Wedding Blitz product tie-in. The idea was, like McDonald Happy Meal Toys or Mountain Dew Halo tie-ins, I basically wanted to have something that would tie-in with the story. So, the idea was a Freedom Force skin, created by one of my best friends, Mr. Jackson, of Gossamer. Problem was, I didn't have a website to download it from. So, decided to post the picture(on the entry of the story itself).

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Menace!

2010-11-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

About two years ago, I began developing ideas for straight-to-video movies, in the hopes that I would maybe be able to pitch the idea, get some support from a film production company(and it did not have to be financial, just an assurance that when I was done, we would do what it takes to make money on both sides of the equation), and well, get a payday out of it. While this is still one of the venues of writing I'm planning to pursue, what changed was the fact that every production company wanted a full completed script. The problem was that I did not feel safe in taking months out of my life, doing the script, and not getting paid for it...basically, writing the script did not guarantee you pay.

However, as I grow older, I'm learning that nine times out of ten, this seems to be the case. I definitely have a concept in mind that I want to write for straight-to-video companies like Asylum or any independent film production company, but for obvious reasons, I can't go into it here. Instead, I present The Menace, a concept that I wanted to sell initially as a treatment, and later as a script. It was my FIRST love letter to the concept of cheerleader warriors aka Ninja Cheerleaders and Cheerleader Ninjas. However, it was much more serious, mixed with the idea of a Freddy Kruger-type antagonist they had to deal with, the Menace. The idea was simply to do a story that was exploitation fare.

It also suffers from my personal designs for heroine-types. I'm probably a feminist's worst nightmare...hell, even a regular woman's worst nightmare when it comes to my design in costuming female heroes. *Shrugs*

So here is the treatment for THE MENACE...hope you like it!

The Menace:

Concept:
THE MENACE can be summarized in this simple description: CHALLENGE OF THE SUPERFRIENDS meets FRIDAY THE 13TH. The story takes two distinctly different concepts, the good versus evil cartoons that were very prominent in the 1980s (Examples: Transformers, He-Man, ThunderCats, Superfriends, and G.I. Joe) and the “golden age” of “slasher” movies of the late 1970s/1980s (Examples: The Hills Have Eyes, The Funhouse, Friday the 13th, and The Burning) to create a unique fusion, an horror action “slasher epic” that homages the never-ending battle between good versus evil in a true war between “slashers” and “final girls”.

The concept manifests in the conflict between a beautiful Asian fighter named CRYSTAL CENTURY and her team of Amazonian warriors versus the ancient evil being MENACE, in a homicidal war spanning an innocent university campus that threatening to engulf the surrounding town as well. The desired intent of the concept is to create a trilogy of films, with this being the first film in the series.

Characters:
Crystal Century: The main character of the film and the Princess of the Oriental Amazons, Crystal was next in line to receive the throne after her Warrior Queen mother had passed, along with the EBONY SAI, the Queen’s traditional weapon of pure supernatural power. However, when her mother is killed by relic raiders who had discovered the horrifying Menace armor and stole it out of the jungle, Crystal becomes the ruler of her tribe by default. However, consumed by revenge, and frightened at the prospect of taking over the reins of leadership, the young woman goes off on the mission of regaining the Menace armor alone, despite the fact that the Tribe has put together a team to support her in this endeavor. Crystal has a royal demeanor, seemingly serious and distant, always distracted by her mission, but often shows a soft spot to people she is close with, such as her rival and later Samantha. She also has a weakness for video games, taking ideas from the various video game characters to use in combat. She is very blunt, and to the point, not sparing people’s feelings; she is a woman of action. Initially having a slight hatred for Americans, she slowly warms up to them when she becomes friends with Samantha.

Crystal Century is a homage to the 1980s characters He-man (Masters of the Universe), Optimus Prime (Transformers), Lion-O (Thundercats), Bravestarr, and countless others. She is the star character, and the irrefutable leader (with the exception of Lotus) of her team, the inspirational figure who is the chief antagonist of Menace. There is also homage to Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman, including Crystal’s “civilian” identity (wears glasses and a ponytail) and her uniform, which has bracelets and a tiara similar to the 1970s heroine.

Menace: He, or it is evil incarnate, created millennia ago in the Great Amazon Civil War as a weapon of mass destruction, when one of the Oriental Amazon factions gathered all of the evil magic on Earth at the time and plunged it into one vessel, armor created from the most adamant of metals. The resulting armor was so evil, that only men, with true darkness in their hearts could wear it without being turned into dust. For the first host, the Amazons kidnapped a man from a village, and turned him into their WMD. However, the resulting weapon became too crafty, turned on his creators and conquered both factions. After half a century under his rule, the two factions were reunited and rebelled against their ruler, throwing him into the mouth of a steaming volcano. In the modern day, the volcano erupted, and the armor pieces were “freed” and thrown into the atmosphere. The Amazons, who had stationed hidden villages around the volcano to maintain a vigil quickly assembled a team lead by the Queen herself and gave chase. However, the armor telepathically sought out a being of evil: a relic hunter and his felonious crew of fellow hunters.

Promising the raider power beyond imagination, the armor coaxed the man and his group to the location, while the Queen and her band raced to gain the armor. The two forces met in the forest and the Queen first approached the situation diplomatically. However, her attempt was in vain; the armor telepathically forced the man to shoot her in cold blood, causing a vicious shootout that the relic hunter barely escapes. Afterward, the armor is shipped to the United States, where it is sold to an art dealer, who sells it to Professor Cameron. The armor gains power over Cameron’s will by harassing his mind telepathically and progressing to visions and dreams of horror and death. When Cameron is shot by Ralph, he is forced to put on the armor, thus being possessed by it. The Menace is the Devil Incarnate, a being of pure nightmare. Everything about him is darkness: his aura, his approach, his outlook…a seemingly walking shadow, and when light does flicker on his body, nasty and squirming shapes of flesh can often been seen before disappearing from the light.

While Menace is a homage to 1980 cartoon villains such as Skeletor (Antagonist of He-Man), Megatron (Antagonist of Optimus Prime), and Mumm-Ra (Antagonist of Lion-O), the character draws main inspiration from “horror” villains such as Freddy Kruger(Nightmare on Elm Street) and Pinhead(Hellraiser), as well as the intellectual “smoothness” and capacity of Hannibal Lecter(Silence of the Lambs).

Samantha Stasiak: A wallflower who is passive aggressive. A sexually repressed, though focused college student majoring in art, Samantha is also a secret video game junkie, with a love for Dante on Devil May Cry. She is drawn immediately to Crystal when she meets her in class, and takes to following her around to learn more about her. Just like Crystal, she is initially a loner, having no one to truly become close with. Over the course of the movie, however, the two become good friends, and Samantha becomes an honorary member of the team with her own weapon. Samantha seems to be naïve, but is really knowledgeable of social and pop culture. Much like Spike in TRANSFORMERS, she is the “normal human” sidekick of Crystal and her team.

Professor Henry W. Cameron: A professor of Archaeology at Ripton University, Professor Cameron is a dreamer, who is disappointed with his lot in life. A hopeless romantic and aspiring adventurer, Henry is a devoted fan of Indiana Jones and other 1980s films, and often desires to be one of those action heroes in the films. Yet, reality often sinks in; he feels that his duty as a professor is more important, and that his age is too advanced to act (or so he thinks) on such childish impulses. To make up for his desires, the Professor is an avid collector of relics of ancient civilizations, which is why he purchased the Menace armor from a dealer who purchased it from the relic hunter who murdered Crystal’s mother. The voice of the armor begins to wear on him slowly, shackling his will, which is weaker already because of the beautiful Star Meadows, one of his students, who he is having a secret relationship with. However, later on, having already been mentally tortured by the voice in the armor for weeks, Henry finds himself mentally ransacked when Star betrays him. After a fatal altercation at his mansion, Henry is left with no choice but to don the horrifying armor, becoming the new host body of the Menace. Henry is the tragic figure of the story, a lonely man who lives alone in a mansion, passed down through the generations by a family who made their fortune in the chloroform business.

He is ruggedly handsome, and in his mid-to-late 40s, a Bill Pullman-type who has slightly low self-esteem from many romantic failures in the past. Ed Quinn (House of the Dead 2) would be an example of a candidate.

Star Meadows: An erotic and beautiful “society girl”, Star is a sorority girl who is the most popular girl on campus…and she knows her power. Manipulative, she takes pleasure in playing with other people’s emotions, and toying with their very lives as a result. Hence, her latest project, Professor Henry Cameron, who she toyed with initially…but soon, she develops feelings for him. The reason for her “toying” with him is because of her on-again-off-again boyfriend Ralph had put her up to it as revenge for failing his class last semester. Already feeling guilty for her actions, Ralph continues to push her further and further…first, by video taping her sex romp with the Professor, then later using her as a distraction, against her will, to “rob” the mansion to scare the Professor. When the Professor is shot, Star cries, her true guilt finally revealed. Sadly, she is killed when the Menace and his Synturion emerges.

Ralph Johnson: A stereotypical frat boy and football player, who had to sit on the bench the last semester for failing Cameron’s class, Ralph seeks revenge on his former Professor through his sporadic girlfriend, Star. Unknown to his friends, his father is verbally abusive, thus creating Ralph’s drive for success and his Machiavellian outlook on life. Ralph uses his girl to seduce the Professor, not knowing that Star has developed some feelings for him. At the culmination of their long-term plans, they video-tape Star and Cameron having sex, telling Star that they would use it as blackmail collateral. However, a day later, it is broadcast on campus, causing embarrassment to Star and the Professor. When Star goes to the fleeing Professor’s mansion to ask for forgiveness, Ralph uses the opportunity to sneak in, pretending he and his friends are thieves to scare the Professor. However, the Professor, drunk and heartbroken, attacks the disguised Ralph when he pulls out a gun. When the gun goes off in the struggle, the Professor is wounded, and a scared Ralph panics, quickly putting together a story (the mansion was really robbed) to cover up what really happened. As he and his friends ransack the mansion, they are killed by the Synturions, while Menace personally kills Ralph.

The “Ripton Heroes”: A team of Amazons(in cheerleader costumes) from the tribe ruled by Crystal, they were assembled to assist the Princess in re-obtaining the armor. However, Crystal left without their knowledge, leaving the team to go after their Princess. They are called to assist Crystal when Menace is finally unleashed on Ripton University. They become the protectors of the town when the local police proved inadequate to handle the Menace threat. They are homage to the Autobots (Transformers), Thundercats, and the Heroic Warriors (Masters of the Universe):

• Lotus: The second-in-command of the “Ripton Heroes”, sent to back-up Crystal, Lotus is Crystal’s best friend from childhood, where the two were practically raised as sisters. However, as their Amazonian training began, Lotus and Crystal developed a powerful rivalry, one that continued into young adulthood. After Crystal left her Tribe to go after the Menace armor alone, Lotus and the others followed in secret, Lotus thinking that Crystal left because intimidation of ruling the Amazons. The group camped in the woods until Crystal finally broadcast her royal symbol, summoning the others. When the Heroes finally meet up, all bow except Lotus, who demands an immediate Trial by Combat for leadership. However, impendent attack from the Synturions curtails their rivalry. Lotus wields a magical Japanese katana known as the EMERALD SCALE that can cut through anything.
• Kismet: The brains or tactical mastermind of the team, Kismet keeps a “crystal computer”, a three-dimensional holographic computer that houses vast information on any given situation, including a wealth of information on the Menace threat. A graceful dancer, Kismet is also a very capable street fighter, her weapon being special brass knuckles of her own design, known as SEEING STARS. She has a love for rock music, as well as a strong British accent. The most mature of the team, Kismet is level-headed, and often the person Crystal turns to for counsel.
• Shanghai: Shanghai is an Amazon that has embraced the cowboy culture, wielding two specialized RAIJIN pistols, steampunk-like six shooters that discharge powerful bolts of lightning. She is very promiscuous, as well as sharp-tongued, and has a ferocious temper; however, she discovers that she is addicted to pop-culture and talk shows, and often gossip about them at the most inopportune of times.
• Foxie: An Amazon wielding a red scimitar named ALADDIN, Foxie is so named because of her love for speaking like a blaxploitation character. She has a love for Arabian culture. Sarcastic, with a love for pranks and jokes, Foxie fights in a unique Persian style of sword-combat. However, she is deathly afraid of the Menace, scarred from bedtime tales of his evil from her childhood.

Synopsis:

1. INITIAL INTRODUCTION OF CRYSTAL CENTURY AND MENACE- PRE-CREDITS

Old Man Behind Diner Counter: “I’ve been here from ‘I like Ike’ to ‘Whoever Pays Taxes Get a Tax Break’, and I ain’t never seen nothin’ like this before.”

Henry Cameron: “Yeah, quite a hell out there, isn’t it? Hey, mind cutting me a slice of that pecan pie?”

The opening scene begins in a traditional American trapping, a 1950s-like diner seemingly in the middle of nowhere, deserted except for two men, a older man in his late 60s or 70s, and a younger man in his mid-to-late 40s. The older man continues to make small talk as he slices a piece of pie from the raised glass diner dish and casually hands it to the younger man. Outside, the sounds of explosions, eruptions of light and blood-curling screams threatens to explode through the vibrating diner windows; the booth tables shake, tossing salt, pepper, and ketchup bottles about as if at the hands of an invisible angry child. The two only have minor commentary on the battlefield-like situation outside, as if detached from the world beyond the diner’s doorstep.

The younger man moves to one of the booths that look out of one of the windows. Something sinister and silvery suddenly flashes by, but the man is undaunted and calmly eats a spoonful of pecan pie. Suddenly, the feeble bell of the diner door tinkles, halting the small talk between the two. A hand drenched in blood weakly opens the door, and two female feet, in glass-like Japanese geta, stumble clumsily across the threshold. The feet stand still for a minute as the glass door of the diner closes behind them. Drops of blood splatter next to the feet, pooling as the feet take a step forward. Lethargically, the newcomer makes her way down the aisle of window booths, limping, her left hand holding and nursing her right arm. Her face is hidden by shadows, but her body is that of a striking and statuesque woman. However, her bodily beauty is suppressed by the remnants of a skimpy, but tattered cheerleader uniform, which is drenched in blood. In her right hand is a black jeweled Japanese Sai, which she grasps so hard that her knuckles turn white.

The old man behind the counter calls out to the woman, asking if she is alright, as she slowly makes her way to the man sitting in the booth. He, on the other hand, seems oblivious to the horribly assaulted newcomer; he calmly eats his pecan pie and stares out of the window, a sly but triumphant smile on his ruggedly handsome face. As the girl limps to a stop before his table, he grins up at her gleefully. Although wincing from the pain of her injuries, the woman takes her Sai, and with much effort, stabs it through his pecan pie, the plate, and the table. Her fingers linger on the weapon for mere moments; tiny rivers of glistening blood trickle from the wounds on her right arm, down her fingers, and on to the pecan pie. The woman promptly sits down, facing the man, her face finally revealed: she is a beautiful Asian warrior, with a bleeding cut on her forehead, and a busted lower lip.

Cameron: “If it was not for you, Princess…I would not be at the pinnacle of this civilization. I would not be the one that controls the greatest weapon of them all: history.”

Crystal Century (slowly takes her lingering fingers from the sai, her lip trembling in order to maintain her stony composure): “Tell me. Tell me how my sister died.”

Cameron (grins): “Her death cries did not honor you. They were not in sorrow for you. They cursed you. They dripped with venom, with bitterness, with rage. Your sister died knowing the truth…that the Great Crystal Century was not the guardian of the innocent she held up her to be.”

Crystal Century (pauses for a minute as tears streak down her cheeks): “Atonement starts here.”

Moving as a blur, an overwhelming contrast to her wounded movement beforehand, Crystal snatches the Sai (where an golden cat-like eye opens on the hilt) from the table and plunges it into the Professor’s eyes.

2. MENACE ARMOR ARRIVES AT THE PROFESSOR’S PLACE-TWO WEEKS BEFORE

TWO WEEKS BEFORE is the time stamp on this scene as it opens on a luxurious but dismal mansion on the outskirts of the college town of Ripton. Here lives Professor Henry W. Cameron, a ruggedly handsome, but weathered man in his mid-to-late 40s. A Professor of Archaeology at Ripton University, Cameron is a man who is married to his career. However, this arrangement is forceful, as the man has had ruined romantic relationship after ruined romantic relationship. He lives alone in his spacious mansion, passed down through the generations of his wealthy family; he is essentially the last of the great American Cameron family if his romantic life won’t improve. One of the things he takes great pride in is the collection of artifacts from ancient civilizations; he won’t admit that it is a distraction from romantic pursuit.

As the moving van pulls up, the Professor waits gleefully for his prize, grinning from ear to ear. As the moving men open the back of the truck, the Professor’s eyes seizes its first glimpse of the Menace armor…a twisted, masochistic set of armor that seem to be a blend of Oriental and European influence. There are still various stains of old blood on the armor, and it seems as if there are actual blood vessels weaved over said armor pieces. The Professor helps the men move the glass display, where the armor sits in its twisted pride, into the house and into a large “trophy room” where the Professor stores his other ancient treasures. There, Cameron steps back to admire his latest addition, sadly naïve to its sinister desires.

3. SAMANTHA MEETS CRYSTAL/STAR AND PROFESSOR’S ROMANCE- TWO WEEKS LATER

Samantha Stasiak, a beautiful young college student who is a social wallflower, rushes across the prestigious Ripton University campus to Archaeology class, arriving 15 minutes late. She interrupts Professor Cameron at the start of his lecture and timidly apologizes for it. Her head bowed, she quickly shuffles to an empty seat in the back of the room. As she tries quietly to set up her textbook and notebook, a pencil rolls off of her desk. She hears it roll off, but never hit the ground. She looks up to find a beautiful bespectacled Asian woman holding the pencil out to her. Samantha is shocked; this is a new student that she had never seen before. From that moment on, Samantha becomes obsessed with her, this mystery student who seems to be the eponymy of cool. She thanks the Asian woman, and offer to assist her with class notes, which the girl agrees.

The Professor’s lecture on the history of keys almost goes unnoticed by the distracted Samantha. Something about the girl seems to excite her. Meanwhile, lead sorority girl Star Meadows sits in the front row in class, winking and flashing suggestive looks at the Professor, who remains oblivious to her seductive actions. As class lets out, the Asian woman stares daggers at the Professor as she leaves the classroom. She is quickly followed by Samantha, who introduces herself. The Asian woman, however, isn’t interested in making friends. Instead, she asks if she knew where the Professor lives. Samantha, eager to prove her worth, tells her that she might and that she will be her guide around the University campus. The Asian woman shakes Samantha’s hand, introducing herself as Crystal Century.

Meanwhile, as the classroom clears out, Star is the last student left with her teacher. As she walks up to his desk, her blouse unbuttoned enough to showcase her breasts, Professor Cameron becomes shocked and backs away slightly. However, it turns out to be part of the sexual role-play between the two, as student and teacher begin to make-out on top of the Professor’s desk. However, after a few “hot and heavy” minutes, Star tells the Professor to hold his horses: this was just a small taste of the “main course” that would happen later that evening. The Professor reluctantly agrees and releases his clandestine romantic partner. She grins, gives him one last kiss, and seductively saunters out of the classroom and closes the door. She is suddenly startled by Ralph Johnson, lead frat boy and party-starter of the University…and her on-again-off-again boyfriend, at this point on-again. The two harshly whisper to each other, revealing that Star’s infatuation with the Professor is part of an ongoing major plan of revenge, which is to culminate later that night at Star’s and the Professor’s secret meeting. Star, however, shows some reluctance in this plan, as she has secretly developed feelings for the Professor. However, Ralph browbeats her, spouting that Professor Cameron deserved his vengeance for failing him last semester, and Star’s betrayal would break him mentally.

4. CRYSTAL AND SAMANTHA TOUR CAMPUS/INTRODUCTION OF SUPPORTING CAST/VICTIMS

Crystal and Samantha walk about campus, with Samantha pointing out the various cliques and acquaintances that she know. Among the assorted characters, we have hardnosed campus cops LEE DEVELIN and his “deputy” JACOB TUBBS busting a student for smoking pot; K-DOGG and his crew, an Indian student who perceives himself to be a gangster from the hood, and his “gang” of fellow Indians who think the same thing. THE GAMERS’ UNION, a stereotypical group of nerds who like video games, and are the closest thing to Samantha’s friends; and finally, “BLAZE” SMITH, the star quarterback, his coach, a few of his football buddies, and BRITTANY TAYLOR, head cheerleader. Brittany insults Samantha, who ignores her and continues to show Crystal around campus. However, to add insult to injury, Blaze throws his football at Samantha, which Crystal easily catches. While Samantha tells her not to worry about the incident, Crystal ignores her and walks up to face Blaze. She orders both Blaze and Brittany to apologize for their transgressions; both sneer at her.

Suddenly, Crystal grabs Blaze’s arm, uses a pressure point to stun it, and painfully hold it in a submission position. She asks again for apologies for her host. One of Blaze’s teammates rushes to stop her, but he is put down with a neat kick. The coach rushes up next, merely to say something, but he is also put down effortlessly with a kick. Samantha can only look on in shock as the quarterback, whimpering in pain, complies with his attacker’s command. He apologizes, and Crystal releases his arm and faces Brittany. At first, their eyes met, and it seems as if Brittany is not going to back down. However, she holds up her hands in surrender and promptly apologizes to Samantha as well.

Without looking back, Crystal walks off, with Samantha running to catch up behind her. She tells Samantha that she is too soft, and should have some initiative to take up for herself. Meanwhile, the coach, Blaze, and his friend lay moaning on the ground. The friend wonders if Crystal would make a better quarterback then even Blaze.

5. AT THE PROFESSOR’S OFFICE/CRYSTAL’S ATTEMPTED ASSASINATION

After being led around campus for a while, Crystal becomes slightly agitated, impatiently asking where the Professor lives. Samantha tells her that the man lives in the creepy mansion on the outskirts of town, but if Crystal wants to talk to the Professor now, his office was in one of the University buildings. She then tells Crystal to wait for a minute, as she was going to go and purchase soda for them to drink. As Samantha returns from her errand, she finds Crystal gone. Right away, she heads for the Professor’s office.

Quietly entering the hall where the Professor’s office is, Samantha ducks behind a wall and hides a gasp of surprise. She watches as Crystal, crouched before the Professor’s door, brandishes two lethal jeweled black sai, holding them skillfully in her hands as she waits to spring an ambush. The light in the Professor’s office go out, and the door slowly opens to a crack. Reacting on auto-pilot, Samantha jumps out of her hiding place and calls Crystal’s name. Both Crystal and Professor Cameron are surprised; their eyes met, and without waiting for any reply, Crystal takes off, disappearing through around the corner of the hallway. Samantha gives chase, but is stopped by the Professor, who wants to know what is going on. Samantha covers for Crystal, saying the exchange student is too embarrassed to talk to the Professor about the day’s lecture on keys. Noticing how dressed up the Professor is, Samantha asks the reason for such an occasion. The Professor lies, saying he is attending a movie.

Saying goodbye to the Professor, Samantha rushes to catch up with Crystal. But after going outside, she finds the Asian woman has vanished into the golden dusk without a trace. Standing above, on the roof, Crystal stares down at Samantha, holding a hand to one of her earrings. She seems to be speaking to someone through it; she tells that person that she still doesn’t need any help…and if so, she has found some.

6. THE SECRET DATE OF PROFESSOR AND STAR

Driving past a theatre showing a double feature of “Satan’s Cheerleaders” and “Hard To Die”, the Professor’s car comes to a stop before a stylish hotel. At the front desk, he introduces himself under a prearranged false name, and the hotel clerk directs him to the room where his “wife” is staying. Star opens the door, dressed in a robe and directs him inside. Pushing him unto the bed, she clicks on some music, and strips her robe, unveiling very revealing lacy underwear.

The Professor coolly removes his clothes and waits for Star to mount him. He asks her one last time if she is sure she wants to do this. She grins. As the “games” unfold, the Professor is unaware of a small camera that is hidden underneath Star’s tossed robe, recording everything. In a room a few doors down, Ralph and his friends watch the festivities unfold on a monochrome television monitor. Ralph clenches his jaw, trying to maintain his composure at the Professor having sex with “his girl”. He can only admit, through clenched teeth, that he has “that bastard” now.

7. THE TRUTH ABOUT CRYSTAL/MENACE’S ORIGIN

Crystal Century: “‘I Am Death, the Destroyer of Worlds’. A line of ancient Hindu scripture that was known by my ancestors as mantra. Because it was they who bore the forbidden fruit. It was they who let their pettiness overstep their common sense. They created the ultimate weapon…one that could think for itself. What they did not realize is a thinking weapon is just as dangerous to them as it is to their enemies.”

Meanwhile, in the girl dorms, Samantha, having finished studying for the night, has decided to take a shower. Thoroughly engrossed in her shower, she suddenly feels something seize a handful of her hair. She only has time to grab a towel before she is dragged into her room and tossed on the bed (the towel being wrapped around her bottom half). Her attacker, revealed to be Crystal, mounts her and tells her that she has now been drafted to help her. Samantha demands to know why Crystal attempted to kill the Professor; Crystal tells her that it is the only sure way to stop HIM. Samantha demands to know the truth, the whole story.

Crystal demounts her and looks away in shame. She admits that the Professor is innocent, that she is only after the armor that he has in his possession, but she is willing to kill him if it stops the resurrection of the ultimate monster. Reluctantly, Crystal reveals her true identity: she is the Princess of the Japanese Amazons, having come to Ripton to halt the resurrection of the Menace. She then tells the story about Menace: Eons ago, before man dominated the Earth, the Japanese Amazons were the dominant people of Earth, who had access to highly advanced weaponry and magic unlike the world had ever seen. However, as mankind began to spread and gain dominance of the world, the Amazons had to decide how best to embrace these life forms. One group wanted to share their gifts with mankind, while the other group wanted to hoard the gifts and rule mankind as goddesses. The initial disagreement between the two factions soon became a bloody war that lasted for centuries.

In this war, both sides were too equal, and a stalemate continued to prevail. In order to shatter this stalemate, one of the factions took all of the evil energy and magic on Earth at the time and created a powerful suit of magic armor, endowing the suit with sentience and power. However, said suit was so evil that no Amazon could wear it without turning to dust. Only men with darkness or evil in their hearts could wear the suit. Kidnapping a man from a village, the Amazons strapped him into the suit, creating Menace, their ultimate weapon. Said weapon killed, captured, and dominated the other faction of Amazons…but soon, it turned on its creators, conquering them as well and ruling both sides for centuries with an iron fist.

However, in the subsequent centuries of rule, both sides of Amazons united, and secretly forged weapons that were powerful enough to oppose Menace. The pinnacle of these weapons was the Ebony Sai, wielded by Crystal’s grandmother herself, the Queen of the Amazons. Gaining courage and mapping out a strategy, the Amazons attacked and overthrew Menace, rendering the sentient weapon inert by luring and throwing the armored being into the mouth of a steaming volcano. Afterward, the Amazons kept a vigil over that volcano, until, in modern times, it had erupted, spewing the armor into the air.

A team of Amazons were quickly assembled and lead by Crystal’s mother, the present Queen of the Amazons. They chased after the armor and found it deep in the jungle. However, someone else had found it as well: a team of relic hunters, lured there by the powerful influence of the evil armor. The Queen approached the situation with diplomacy, but is killed by the relic hunter leader, who has been influenced by the evil armor. A bloody battle in the jungle unfolds, and the hunter barely got away with his find. In the States, he sells the armor to a dealer, who in turn sells the armor to Professor Cameron.

Samantha listens to the story intensely, but is still disbelieving of its reality. However, Crystal confirms it is real by showing the black sai that she was going to use on the Professor, and letting Samantha inspect it. This is one of the Ebony Sai, one of the few weapons that can harm the Menace. Crystal wants to find the Professor that night, but Samantha, frightened at the prospect that the Asian warrior would kill him rather than any other plan of action, rationalizes that the Professor should be alerted of the problem, and then a solution should be worked out. She points out that the two could speak to the Professor the next day. With great reluctance, Crystal agrees. But, when Samantha turns to talk with her, the young woman has vanished.

8. MENACE AND PROFESSOR PLAY MENTAL CHESS

Professor Cameron (shaking his fists and screaming at the sky): “You won’t win, you bastard! You hear me? You won’t win!!”

A very content Professor leaves the hotel, practically skipping in triumph. However, as he digs into his pocket and pulls out his keys to open his car door, he drops them, suddenly clutching his head in agony. Horrifying images of murder, torture, and pain sears his mind, as a horrible voice assaults his brain. It is the voice of the armor that has been torturing him for the last two weeks; stripping him of his sleep (he would have vivid nightmares of Menace’s former life) and wearing down his mental defenses. Now, the Professor’s façade is stripped away, revealing a weary, psychologically haggard and mentally battered man who has been battling alone for his soul the past week.

The Professor is defiant, refusing to give into Menace’s taunting, especially about his relationship with his student. He is seemingly arguing with himself, startling the few passersby on the street. Stumbling into a shadowy alleyway, cursing the evil being at the top of his lungs, he collapses into a puddle of water, breathing rapidly, as it takes just as much physical effort, in addition to the mental effort to expel Menace’s influence. Suddenly, in the reflection in the water, he sees a shadowy shape staring back at him. It is the shape of the Menace, who strengthens his mental offensive; Cameron grits his teeth, clutching his head in frustration, but it is too late…he feels the shadow shrouding his thoughts, clouding his will. He feels his consciousness slip away as he falls face first into the puddle of water.

9. MENACE’S FIRST CAPTURE, VIA CHLOROFORM

At the University’s swimming pool, a pretty young woman swims alone in the pool, performing laps in the limited light. After one lap, she comes up for air, rises out of the pool, wipes the water from her eyes and hair, and drinks water from a water bottle. She takes a second sip from her water bottle before she hears the door to the pool area shut. She calls out the name of her boyfriend, who is supposed to come by for a late night dip in the pool with her.

No answer.

She quietly puts the water bottle down and listens intensely for any more noise. There is none.

As she turns, dipping a foot into the pool, she hears another noise. Goosebumps break out over her skin. Was someone sneaking around to catch a glimpse of her? A pervert? Or was it someone more sinister? A thief…or a kidnapper? Her imagination creates the threat for her. She has to investigate. Cautiously, she investigates the shadowy areas of the pool, and then the doors. Nothing.

Satisfied with her fruitless search, the young woman returns to the pool and her swimming. While doing the back-paddle in mid-lap, she is suddenly startled by a cold hand wrapping around her abdomen in the water. She struggles to get free, but it is in vain. Screaming at the top of her lungs, the young woman thrashes the water violently, pulling fruitlessly to escape. However, a second hand closes over her mouth, this hand holding a cloth rag. The young woman puts up a violent struggle, but minutes later, her arms drop to her side and her eyes roll to the back of her head. Seconds later, the perpetrator of the chloroforming hefts the woman over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and steps out of the pool. It is the Professor, whose eyes have become vacant red slots, fully overtaken by the Menace entity. With the slumbering female over his shoulder, he lumbers out of the pool area and disappears into the night.

10. BIG GOSSIP ON CAMPUS

Still reeling from the events of the night before, Samantha wakes up and prepares for class. As she opens the door to leave, she is startled to see Crystal already waiting for her. As the two walk to class, they discuss the history of Menace and his strengths and weaknesses. Crystal points out that the Professor must be evil, which is why the armor could be linked to him in the first place. Samantha disagrees, pointing out that life was not simply black or white. She thinks the Professor cannot be evil, and there is another reason for this situation.

As the duo walk across campus, they hear snatches of conversation, strange gossip on a relationship between a professor and a student. As they reach Professor Cameron’s classroom, they see a big screen television, with the Professor and Star having sex from the night before. Samantha scans the room, spying Ralph and Star; Ralph is grinning with glee, while Star has a sad, shameful look on her face. Samantha asks one of the other students about the whereabouts of the Professor. The student answers that the Professor had came, saw the video, and ran from the classroom, abandoning them.

Crystal immediately decides to go after the Professor at his mansion. At first timidly against it, Samantha reluctantly agrees.

Meanwhile, Star shrugs away from Ralph and leaves the classroom, trying to hold back tears. Ralph stops her in the hall, and wonders why she isn’t celebrating with him. She slaps him, telling him that he has humiliated her as well by showing the tape to everyone. Bursting into tears, she tells Ralph that she will apologize to the Professor, and come clean with the whole scheme. Ralph roughly grabs her arm, threatening that if she screws up the third phase of their plan, he would get her back. Star says nothing, only storming off in tears.

11. THE SECRET PASSAGE

Professor Cameron has fled to his mansion. Throwing open the door, he slams it and sinks to the ground in shame. Star had betrayed him. She never loved him. His reputation was ruined. As he lay sprawled against the door, lamenting the turn of events, Menace’s voice suddenly speaks to his mind. Yes, Star had betrayed him. But he deserved it. The world could not be trusted. Only the armor could be trusted. Only the armor would now hide him from the world.

The Professor’s defenses are slowly crumbling. He is not fighting off the influence of the armor as usual. Instead, he finds himself listening and agreeing with it. The Menace armor commands him to “follow it” through the house.

The Professor obeys, and soon he is in the Study, standing before a bookcase. The entity commands him to flips a book backward. When he obeys, it triggers a secret switch. The bookcase slides aside, revealing a secret staircase that travels into an abyss below. Shocked at the discovery, the Professor timidly descends the stairs into the abyss, which is revealed to be a large grimy room that is the size of a coliseum.

In this room are thousands of dusty oil drums. However, when the Professor walks up to one of them and dusts it off, the side of the drum reads “chloroform”. Menace reveals (to the audience) that the Camerons’ family fortune originally came from producing and selling chloroform for medical institutions in the early 20th century.

Astonished at so much chloroform having been stored in his familial home without his knowledge, the Professor backs away instinctively until his elbow hits something cool and smooth. He turns, discovering the object to be a crystal-like glass case filled nearly to the top with water. Inside is the swimmer who was captured the night before. Upon seeing his face, the swimmer screams at the top of her lungs and bangs on the surface in anger, but to no avail. Chuckling gleefully inside Cameron’s mind, the Menace reveals that he has been taking over the Professor’s mind at various intervals, especially at night, when he had the horrible dreams and visions. Shockingly, the entity reveals that the Professor has been working for him ever since the armor first arrived on his doorstep. To accent its point, the underground room is suddenly flooded with brilliant light; revealed are wicked-looking torture chambers and assorted devices, as well as a strange glowing chamber on the far side of the room.

As a token of “kindness”, the Menace entity decides to let the Professor decide his fate: to join the armor in a beneficial and powerful symbiosis….or be taken over by force.

12. A FEW GUESTS

Arriving in Samantha’s beat-up car at dusk, Crystal and Samantha stand before the intimidating gates of the Cameron Estate. Crystal is finally in her trademark “Amazonian” battle uniform: very skimpy cheerleader top (with a star in the center), very short pleated skirt, “utility belt” (which holds her Sai, as well as multiple ninja weapons like throwing stars and pellets), anklets, and transparent geta. Her glasses are now off, and a glittering tiara, a symbol of her royal status, glistens on her head instead. As Samantha reaches to buzz the intercom to be let in, her hand hovers before the button; Crystal has easily scaled the fence surrounding the estate and landed neatly on the other side. She begins to run towards the mansion, but remembering Samantha, turns around, throws a rope over the fence, and tells her partner to climb.

With great difficulty and awkwardness, Samantha climbs the rope over to the other side. As the duo is sneaking through the shadows towards the mansion, Star arrives in her car. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she walks up to the gate and buzzes the intercom. The Professor, in a sluggish voice, answers, wondering who it is. Star begs him to let her in, apologizing furiously for what had unfolded. After a few minutes, the gates swing open, and Star gets into her vehicle. However, she is surprised by three more passengers, Ralph and two of his frat buddies, all dressed in black. As she protests loudly, Ralph covers her mouth with his hand, and asks why she is really here. Star replies that she is only here to apologize for their behavior, as she did not foresee their “harmless prank” getting so far out of hand. Regarding her with distrust, Ralph orders her to keep quiet about the plan and drive to the mansion.

Meanwhile, Crystal and Samantha have arrived outside of the mansion. Samantha starts to walk towards the front door, but Crystal brandishes a grappling hook and rope, which she tosses up towards the roof. Like Batman and Robin in the 1966 TV series, the duo scales the mansion until they reach the roof.

In the interim, Star has reached the front door with Ralph and his friends. Placing a silencing finger to his lips, Ralph chuckles evilly as he and his friends disappear into the shadows of the mansion. Star is alone; she rings the doorbell. No answer. After a few minutes, she nudges the door open and cautiously enters, not knowing what to expect next. The mansion is dark, and seemingly empty, transformed from its familiarity. Star, swallowing her fear, braves the creepy interior until she comes to the Study. Inside, the Professor is reclined behind his desk, starring at her angrily with a bottle of bourbon in one hand, and a just-filled glass in the order. He quickly downs the glass before shouting at her. Star collapses into tears, apologizing for betraying him.

13. BATTLE IN THE ATTIC

Crystal and Samantha reach the roof, where they stumble their way to the attic window. Crystal reveals another ninja device that cuts a perfect hole in the window, where she reaches her hand through and unlatches it. Samantha finds herself wondering if Crystal is a cat burglar or has ulterior motives as she reluctantly follows the Asian girl into the umbra shrouding the attic.

Inside the spooky, gothic-like attic, the air is thick with staleness, dust, and age. The shadows seem to move about as if alive. As the two young women stealthily make their way across the attic, Samantha’s feet clip something lying on its side. As she rises to her feet, she catches a small glimpse of the cause: the freshly deceased, but brutalized body of the kidnapped swimmer. Samantha starts to scream, but Crystal seizes her lips shut. She kneels to inspect the corpse.

Suddenly, Samantha’s eyes catches something moving in the shadows. Is it her imagination?

No. A horrible screeching sound is heard as two red spotlights suddenly flash on, blinding the duo. Crystal leaps protectively before Samantha, her twin Ebony Sai in her hands. The spotlights flash brighter as something is shot through the darkness, the only visual indication is sparks of light flashing from the Sai as Crystal deflects the attack. However, the Asian warrior cries out softly only once, making Samantha jump from behind her. Crystal screams to Samantha to run, before charging towards the spotlights, her Sai held before her.

Samantha obeys quickly, knowing she is powerless in a fight of any kind. She spies a shaft of light that reveals a staircase leading down into the mansion and charges towards it. She tries to ignore the sounds of battle and cries of agony (Crystal’s) in the background as she reaches the landing. Just as her foot lands on the first step, she hears a hissing sound from behind. Suddenly, she feels something cold close vise-like around the back of her neck…fingers. A hand, a cold, metallic-like hand is viciously choking her! Desperately, the young woman clutches at her neck with quickly weakening fingers, standing on tiptoe, with her eyes watering and her mind swimming as her breath is trapped in her lungs. Suddenly, she feels a slight shove that practically sends her tumbling downstairs.

She explodes out of the door into the second floor of the mansion, tumbling to the floor with her Asian comrade. Crystal grimaces as she snatches the hand from Samantha’s tender neck. Coughing furiously, Samantha struggles to regain her breath and her bearings. The metal hand stands on its fingertips, moving about like a giant spider. The sound of its movement sends chills up the heroines’ spines as it vanishes into the darkness beyond the attic door. Measured footsteps, eerie, cunning, and threatening, can be heard as they creep nearer the sprawled pair. Samantha quickly glances as Crystal, noticing two strange objects embedded in her body, causing blood to trickle out of the subsequent wounds: one stiletto-shaped object sticks out of her thigh, and the other out of the right side of her abdomen.

Before they can be removed, however, Crystal hustles Samantha to her feet and orders her to get back a safe distance. The shadows before the attic door seem to come to life as a silvery metal hand suddenly shoots out of the umbra. Crystal barely dodges the first swipe, but is caught off-guard by a second hand violently seizing her throat in a viselike grip. The red spotlights flash again, burning the eyes of the prey in its silvery hand. The brave heroine struggles feebly, her air being cut off, her Japanese sandals practically dangling from her toes as she is suspended in midair.

14. PROFESSOR IS SHOT

While Samantha and Crystal fight for their lives, Star and Professor Cameron are talking to each other. However, while the Professor seems to accept Star’s apology, he is noticeably drunk; for a few minutes, he babbles about a voice that speaks to him, convincing him to do “very bad things”. Star walks over to try and comfort the Professor, offering him words of encouragement and seducing him with her charms, an almost subconscious action.

Suddenly, Ralph and his frat friends, in stocking masks, storm into the Study, demanding money from the Professor. Surprisingly, the Professor remains seemingly unphased. In anger, Star cries out Ralph’s name, revealing his identity. With a grunt of disgust, Ralph pulls off his mask, his jealousy overcoming his common sense. He suddenly pulls out a gun, pointing it at the Professor, and demanding his family fortune. Cameron laughs, pointing out that much of his fortune is kept in various bank accounts.

Ralph, undaunted, demands to know the account numbers, while waving the gun in the Professor’s face. Star, in a mixture of horror and anger, demands to know why Ralph is trying to rob their teacher, changing the plan from prank to actuality. Ralph turns the gun on her, calling her a traitor and whore, a simple-minded floozy. Star screams that he never truly loved her in the first place, and was only with her to get in her pants. He was not like the Professor, a mature man who knew what love truly was.

The Professor, in a drunken rage because of the gun pointed at Star, awkwardly rises from his desk and charges towards Ralph. The attack was so sudden and unexpected that it catches the frat boy off guard. On instinct, he pulls the trigger, shooting the Professor twice in the abdomen.

Star screams in horror, quickly kneeling down and clutching the Professor’s head in her arms as his eyes roll in the back of his head. Ralph stands shocked, his mouth agape as he stare at the smoking gun in his hand. His two frat buddies can do nothing but stare at their leader, powerless in the whole situation. Blinking back tears of fear, anger, and frustration, Ralph turns to his frat buddies and stutters orders to ransack the mansion, in order to make it look as a real robbery. Star sobs that it is a stupid idea, and tells him that he will not get away with it. Ralph, half crying and half sneering, points the gun at her, accusing her of betraying him. However, he is stopped by one of his buddies, who decide to do what they can to cover for their leader.

15. CRYSTAL BREAKS RALPH’S ARM

The sound of the shot echoes throughout the entire mansion like a thunderbolt. The silvery hand clutching Crystal releases its grip, dropping the Asian warrior to her knees. She struggles to regain her breath as Samantha comforts her. The two search the shadows for their assailant, but luckily it bears no fruit. Turning her attention to Crystal’s wounds, Samantha pulls out both stilettos, which are much longer than she anticipates. Crystal cries out and grits her teeth in agony. She then pulls out a strange bottle from her utility belt, twists the cap off, and pours a tiny drop of the contents on both of her wounds. Before Samantha’s astonished eyes, both wounds heal completely.

Samantha asks about the nature of the substance in the bottle. Crystal tells her that it is from a small healing spring back in her home village, used by her people sparingly to heal vicious battle wounds. However, every Amazon abroad only has a very limited supply and must use it as sporadically as possible to maintain it.

A few seconds later, the duo is running through the mansion, towards the direction of the shot. They pass by Ralph’s two subordinates, who flash them startled looks before proceeding into the Study. Shocked at seeing them, Ralph aims his still smoking gun at the duo. Moving with dazzling speed, Crystal manages to knock the gun away…and with pinpoint accuracy and efficiency, breaks Ralph’s arm in the process. Screaming in agony, Ralph stumbles to the wall and slides to the ground, clutching his limp arm in pain. Crystal pays him little attention as she moves to Star, who is sitting hunched over, her knees drawn up protectively to her chin. She is crying, rocking forward and backward, practically in shock. A trail of blood leads from her feet and out of the door. Crystal asks about the whereabouts of the Professor, and Star only nods towards the trail of blood. Crystal orders Samantha to stay with Star, while she follows the trail of blood out of the room. A second later, Ralph, slightly humbled, limps out of the room, leaving Samantha alone to comfort the upset Star.

16. PROFESSOR KNOCKS OUT CRYSTAL/PUTTING ON THE ARMOR

The Asian fighter follows the ghastly trail of blood to the shadow-drenched “trophy room” and towards the exhibition case that holds the Menace armor. The Professor is nowhere to be seen. Feeling watched, the young warrior unsheathes her Sai, inspecting the rows of ancient treasures carefully, cataloged neatly by the Professor from years of his hobby’s pursuit. She lets her battle-horned instincts guide her around the spacious room.

Meanwhile, the Professor begins to speak from the shadows, telling Crystal about how dangerous a weapon the armor really is. He stalks the girl, his hand sliding over the various ancient daggers and swords he has, as if considering which one to kill her with. He lists the knowledge that the armor has accumulated, such as the lost Library of Alexandria (which Menace destroyed), and knowledge on the ancient technology of Lemuria and Mu (which Menace conquered and later destroyed). Crystal warns him about the evil in the armor; Professor Cameron retorts that she had intended to kill him whether he was truly innocent or not because, deep down, she hated Americans…because the relic hunter who murdered her mother was American.

Crystal loses her composure and temper, which is more than enough for the Professor to capitalize. He seizes the young heroine in a hold, and chloroforms her into unconsciousness. As he carefully lays Crystal’s senseless body on the floor, the Menace entity teases him for his desire for mercy, saying that it would be the last time he would show it. The Professor stands up, slowly walking to the display case where the armor is.

As if claiming Excalibur, the display case is bath in an unholy light and opens by invisible hands. Whispering Star’s name in one last breath, his final conscious act, the Professor began to reach for the evil pieces of armor. The first piece he picks up is shape shifts in his hand, nearly cutting his fingers. Each piece of armor has long stilettos that must be injected into the skin to work…as the entity tells him, connect with every nerve in his body. Taking off all of his clothes, the Professor began to put on the first piece, his screams of agony bellowing through the mansion, while rivers of blood pool down his legs and around his bare feet. With each piece of armor placed on his body, flesh is ripped, pierced, and torn without mercy; ancient screws twist undaunted through bone and marrow; the stilettos unmercifully rip through his organs and blood vessels; the small pool of blood suddenly becomes a crimson ocean.

Around the mansion, the other occupants are startled by the anguished shrieks; the two frat subordinates of Ralph pause in their random vandalism, glancing about in fear. Ralph, while walking down one of the shadowy hallways, jumps, visually startled, and hugs the wall, frightened of what would come next. Star insists on finding the Professor, much to Samantha’s chagrin. The two leave the Study, following the blood trail into the Trophy Room…where they find a blood-drenched armored Professor holding the helmet of the Menace in his hands. Despite Star and Samantha’s words, trying to stop the Professor, the man ignores them and puts on the final piece of the armor.

The unearthly screams Cameron released earlier pales in comparison to the last testimonial of agony that leaves his lips. The sharp stilettos in the helmet stab into his face and brain. Two drill-like implements tunnel into his eyes, while a deadly steel-trap-like device pierces and destroys his mouth. The armored Professor gyrates and trembles for a few seconds before the pair as the last vestiges of the Professor are destroyed…replaced by the dominant Menace entity.

A Big Sack: 11/22/10

2010-11-22T17:36:00.000-08:00

I recently hit Blockbuster up for their Five Days, Five Dollars deal, usually to check out some of their older videos...specifically, horror and thriller movies...specifically slasher movies. Screw Redbox or that other video vending machine nonsense...there is nothing, and I mean nothing like going to a video store and browsing for titles. Many people my age have parental memories like their mom or dad taking them to a sports game, or teaching them to ride a bike.

Me? I remember when my Dad took me to video stores like Cinemagic and Midtown Video, back when home video was all the rage. A decade before I learned about my love for exploitation and slasher films, I was cutting my teeth on awesome movies like Full Moon's Puppet Master(before they shot it to hell with Part 6) and Demonic Toys. I really hate how people are with their Redbox stuff...but then again, Redbox doesn't have such awesome movies as Love Camp 7 or The Five Deadly Venoms, do they?

Anyway, I recently did the five movie thing, and wanted to share with you guys what I thought about them. I like to rent from Blockbuster the straight-to-video slashers because well...they can surprise you(and really, I'm just being nice here). I've actually bought duds before(I'm looking at you, The Butcher and A Brush With Death), and only once or twice I fell in love with a movie because it had the right "personal elements"(Wrestlemaniac). So, in a way, these movies I rent are a litmus test...if I like 'em, I'll go out and buy them. If I don't...we don't speak of 'em again. So...let's check out the big sack for this week:

Suicide Girls Must Die!: Based on SuicideGirls.com's models, it is supposedly a "reality horror movie", whatever that means. I guess it means they are mixing the time-honored tradition of the slasher movie formula with "reality television"(And man, I hate reality television), so since obviously they can't kill anyone on even "reality" television, it amounts to a group of models going to an isolated area of Maine for a shoot, only to end up with one girl missing ever so often. Now, I might sound disappointed, but in the end, I dug the concept. I still don't believe its real of course...there had to be a script of some kind. Also, I think I would probably like one of those girls...while I disagree with the idea that they consider themselves an alternative to "mainstream beauty"(I think Mo'Nique, as a "full-sized" woman, can make a better case), I think I could dig the colorful hair and tattoos.

The Graves: From the Eight Films to Die For IV comes this decent thriller/horror film, rated B in my book. Basically, it's about these two sisters, young and slightly apprehensive Abby and tough as nails Megan Graves of the title, who stumble upon this crazy situation in the middle of nowhere, in this tourist trap called Skull City. Basically, think of the Sawyers/Hewitt clan of Texas Chainsaw Massacre meet Children of the Corn. The two sisters basically run this gauntlet of horrors, from the more down-to-earth slasher killer to the supernatural demon. This film might not bring anything new or different to the subgenre, but it is pretty decent. My only problem is more of a personal one: You see, the sisters are supposed to be big comic fans, and in an earlier part of the film, they rock out at a concert in these sexy costumes. The filmmakers say that the sisters are supposed to be "monster hunters", which is a cool concept...like Jonny Quest or Scoobie Doo. My problem is...why weren't the sisters continuing to wear those cool costumes throughout the whole movie? I mean, what better way to make the comic and monsterhunter link then them sporting those sexy little outfits?

Penny Dreadful: From the very first Horrorfest comes this...boring movie. Look, I want to be nice here, but I found myself drifting to sleep. Basically, the story is about a girl, who, when younger, survived an automobile accident that killed her parents. Developing an acute phobia of automobiles, she and her therapist, at the start of the movie, is on the way to some mountains to help to get over her phobia. However, they literally run into a stranger on a deserted road, who would later *surprise, surprise* get after them. The bulk of the movie centers around Penny being trapped in the car, and that's where it became boring. Of course, in the end, we learn a bit more about the stranger, which is the usual crazed maniac from an escaped mental institution. However, the end showdown between heroine and villain doesn't make up for the boring build-up(or lack there of) to it. I have to give this film a C+.

Feast: This movie rocks. Seriously A+ material here, a horror movie with humor about a group of strangers trapped in an isolated bar in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by these uber-creatures that, anime-style, are sexual deviants that would make love to your face BEFORE eating you. This is a fun, fun film, with the mission of playing with horror conventions. You really have to see this movie to see what I mean. I can't tell you anymore without risking spoiling you!

Women's Prison Massacre: Apparently, this is part of the famous(or infamous) Emmanuelle Series of films, with main actress Laura Gemser being the eponymous character, similar to Daniel Craig being just one of the actors for James Bond. I can only judge the movie in isolation, as I have never seen another Emmanuelle film. So, in isolation...it is a women-in-prison film, with some decent looking chicks(mainly Emmanuelle's best buds), and an alright plot...not as awesome as Women In Cages or Love Camp 7...but decent enough as maybe a movie for a first-time WIP experimenter. Would have loved to seen more traditional WIP vices(y'know...torture, lesbian makeout sessions, etc), but the creators kept the film pretty tame. BTW...Laura Gemser is pretty...but that chick is SKINNY. I mean, it is like she's skin and bones, and a good wind could knock her for a loop.

Real World Commentary and Tidbits - 11/8/10

2010-11-08T20:02:00.000-08:00

I'm planning on posting more goodies on Wedding Blitz soon...okay, not goodies as in plural, but maybe a goody or two. Until then, still trying to find a way to post more often on this blog. I like voicing myself here, although I don't get much a response. And no, I'm not trying to be bitter here...just saying...how about a comment once in a while?

Anyway, Real World Commentary. Originally, I was going to do whole posts on different things that irk me, and maybe I will in the future. But since I can't post continuously yet, I'll post probably at random...like now. So, let's focus on:

Kids with Cellphones: When I was 8, I wanted a Nintendo...or maybe action figures. These days, you have five year olds walking around with cellphones. I'm damn-near 30, and I don't need one per se...so why the hell a kid with his or her baby teeth still in his or her mouth needs one? What the hell are you going to call? Your stockbroker? Your agent? Your manager at work? You should see these kids, man...yucking up a storm on cellphones. One can imagine what their conversations are about...the latest Spongebob Squarepants episode?
Reality Shows: I adhor reality shows. Seriously. They are the ultimate oxymorons, television shows about supposed reality. You can tell when they set things up, or when people are acting stupid just for the cameras. For example, on the BET series Being Terry Kennedy, you have two people talking about getting a ticket. Then suddenly, the rest of the family shows up, wanting the ticket as well. Because this s*** happens in real life(lol), Terry sets up a race to see who would get the ticket. Because again, this is reality, and this happens in real life(eyes rolling here). I would love to make my own reality show, where me and the crew from Jackass go from show to show...from American Idol to Jersey Shore...beating the living daylights out of the "reality stars". Maybe I'll disguise myself...wear a cape and armor, and have the Jackass guys wear Galactor costumes as well. And we'll just appear out of nowhere, lay waste to JWOW, the Situation, Simon Cowell, Prost(or whoever the hell hosts Survivor) and leave with an evil cackle. We could call it the Overmaster Hour, even.

As far as Tidbits:

More Anime that I think it awesome: Full Metal Panic, Vandread, Murder Princess, Afro Samurai. I'm too lazy to add them to the list. But seriously, any budding anime fan needs to check these out.
Megamind is awesome. Being lazy, but I will try to tell more on it later.

Dusty Video Box Presents: Wedding Blitz

2010-10-28T18:12:00.000-07:00

Ideas or intellectual property is really nothing to joke about. Its the ultimate horror story...someone's good idea becomes someone else's gigantic fortune. When you think about all of the crazy ideas we as humans have on a daily basis, you might think to be protective of them is foolish. But...say if I mention a dumb idea about an alien from another planet who wears red and blue tights...or another stupid idea about a boy with glasses and a magic wand...you see what happened there? One seemingly crazy idea gave birth to financial empires!

In a roundabout and sort of depressing way, I'm getting to the point of this presentation: I consider ANY story ideas I have as potential cash cows...is that really arrogant? In this world of Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Superman, I would say nay! This post is for giving a way a freebie, a free concept, a free idea, and a sample of my work and work process as a writer/creator.

Wedding Blitz was originally a story I was prepping for Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show online magazine, but I decided against it at the last minute, mainly because the story, in my opinion, fit better as either a serial or a novella. Of course, the bulk of my research for this story consisted of The Runaway Bride and Monster-In-Law, lol. But in all honesty, the initial idea for the story came from superhero comics, like the weddings of Reed and Sue Richards, Peter and Mary Jane Watson-Parker, and others...you know, the superhero weddings where in most cases, supervillians crash the party. In this story, a supervillian does crash his adversary's wedding...but apologies, I did not write that far!

I only completed the first chapter before giving up. The main reason I did was the presentation of the story. From a metafictional standpoint, this story is the final act of the superheroine and main character Gossamer. All of her previous adventures are unwritten, although they happened within her universe(and I will explain below). I consider it the equivalent of a curious person picking up a random Batman comic, where the character has continuity(i.e. character's history) that you won't pick up on right away; in some cases, the reader enters in a storyline already in progress. IMO, this mirrors real life; we often meet people in the midst of some happening in their lives, and in some rare cases, can be the reasoning for that happening. But I digress.

Wedding Blitz:
Chapter One
By Melvin .L. Hadley

Before the delicate softness of the prized ivory cloth touched her caramel skin, Mariah Grey was ensnared in a thick web of apprehension. Everything was running together. Something old, borrowed, new and blue went on the ring finger. She would kiss the preacher after being pronounced husband and wife. She would toss the bouquet to her husband afterward, and drive their wedding limo over the threshold of their hotel room.

“Girl, don’t put the veil on yet!” the voice of her best friend and matron of honor, Io, hissed. No doubt the statement was aimed at Janet, another friend and bridesmaid, assisting her into the dress. Mariah had closed her eyes, partially to calm her nerves, and partially because she wanted her reflection in the full-length mirror to be a surprise. She had relinquished full-control of her bridal image to her friends.

“Did you know that the word ‘honeymoon’ came from the idea that sweetness of marriage, like the full moon, fades?”

Mariah suppressed a chuckle. The voice belonged to Christina, Io’s cousin and the third bridesmaid. She was lazily reclining on one of the wooden tables, reading a book about bizarre marriage facts. The quartet was stationed in the small Fellowship Hall of their town’s main church, temporarily converted into a bridal chamber. The tables, usually reserved to serve meals to church members, had all been pushed in various directions to clear room for the mirror, a raised wooden platform to stand on, and make-up cases.

“Aw shut up, Chris.” Io growled. “You just hatin’ on her ‘cause you ain’t got a man crazy enough to marry you.”

Mariah parted her lips to reply, but hesitated. Christina certainly did not deserve such a sour response, as it was she who had put her up to the task in the first place. The subtle irritation was revenge on Io for the dastardly prank she had pulled at the bachelorette party. In truth, it was feeble compared to Io’s extensive trick, but a little satisfaction was better than none at all. The icing on the cake, of course, was that Io thought her cousin was simply pestering Mariah.

“Really?” the table creaked as Christina sat up, baiting her cousin. “Well, here’s another one for you, tailor-made: just two years after marriage, twenty percent of couples have sex fewer than what? Ten times a year!”

“There’s a big difference ‘tween ‘makin’ love’ and having sex, darlin’.” Mariah sensed Io stomping towards Christina behind her. “See, that’s what being a one-man woman gets you, but ya wouldn’t know nothin’ ‘bout that.”

“Can there be peace in the Middle East for just one damn day?!” Janet bellowed, ever the averter of conflict. “I mean, good lord! You’re ruining the mood for our lady in white here! Isn’t that right, Mariah?”

Mariah stammered, reluctant to reveal her co-conspirator status. “Well, I-”

“Look at her, the girl’s already a nervous wreck…she can’t even get her words out right!” Janet continued in a concerned tone, gently rubbing Mariah’s bare back.

Silence blanketed the Fellowship Hall for a long stretch of minutes before Io’s high heels clicked against the marble-like floor, returning to Mariah’s side. The bride could easily visualize the venomous glare the matron was shooting at her cousin as she returned, as Io was never one to lose a war of words. She hoped that Christina had taken the hint to salvage the prank for another time.

She felt Io’s hands quickly perform a last minute adjustment on her hair before gushing excitedly, “Okay, open your eyes!”

Mariah obeyed slowly, and her heart literally skipped a beat. She had to remember to keep breathing.

The bespectacled woman staring back at her was a goddess… the epitome of beauty, gracefulness, and exquisiteness. Suddenly, she was ten years old again, watching her favorite magical girl heroine descend the stairs of her galactic palace and stride into a multi-colored reality in regal form. Her dark brown ringletted hair had been shaped in an elegant bun atop her head, adorned by a shimmering crystal tiara. From the tiara flowed the white veil, mistlike and ethereal, drifting across her bare shoulders and to the back of her ankles. A stunning white sleeveless wedding gown conformed perfectly to her small frame, wrapping her in otherworldly splendor. The blinding gleam of her diamond rose earrings could only be rivaled by the rhinestone bracelet on her right wrist and matching high heeled sandals on her feet.

For this one magical day, she had become the very being that had dominated her childhood daydreams. She was the Queen of the Universe.

But, there was only one thing that would send her realized dream image off-kilter. Her hands lingered over it for mere seconds around her neck, as she decided whether to keep it on or remove it. It was a chocker…a glossy red choker, the color of shimmering ruby, with a shining gold medallion in the center. Etched on the medallion was a butterfly, frozen in mid-flight.

It was a gift from her father.

It was clashing noticeably with her wedding gown.

Her eyes somberly returned to the mirror, to the gown. Her gaze then went to Io, and afterward to Janet and Christina, all in matching sky-blue bridesmaid dresses. This perfect memorable scene, soon to be immortalized in her memories, became blurry. She could not resist the urge to cry. However, she quickly realized that it was not because of the ecstasy of the moment, but a disorienting sadness rising from the depths of her heart.

“Demitria.” She said quietly, her eyes blinking back tears from behind her glasses. “Demitria...she should’ve been here.”

“He’s laughing up there in heaven, Lil’Bit.” Io replied soothingly, hugging her with one arm while gazing into the mirror. “You probably got him and your Mama looking down at ya and saying ‘damn, she is fine!!’.”

This earned a hearty group laugh from the foursome, replenishing joy to the occasion.

“This is going on Youtube!” Janet’s grin stretched across her thin light-brown face as she aimed her cellphone at Mariah. “Get out the way, Yo! Mariah, do something! Dance around or something!”

Mariah twirled around playfully while inspecting herself at various points in the mirror and grinning with childlike exuberance.

“Girl, you put everything on Youtube!” Christina laughed, brandishing a cheap camera from her own purse and quickly snapping a flurry of pictures.

As the bride posed excitedly for the cameras, her eyes fell on Io. The matron of honor was brushing the bangs of her bob-cut from rapidly blinking eyes with one hand, while covering her mouth with the other.

“Yo…” Mariah said softly, brushing the back of her finger against her best friend’s cheek. “I’m supposed to be the one crying…”

“You treat that man right, hear?” Io sniffed, choking back tears. “Y’all…y’all been through too much to just throw this away. Too much. Don’t make this a joke, hear?”

“Yo…” Mariah bowed low, wrapping her arms around her and drew her close in a tight embrace. “You’d be there to tan my hide if I act up. I got nothing to worry about.”

“This bet not end up on Youtube…” Io’s watery eyes stared daggers at Janet over Mariah’s bare shoulder.

“Of course, your reputation as a ghetto brawler is paramount.” Janet snickered, replacing her phone in her purse.

“Here’s somethin’ else to think about.” Christina chimed in. “It costs more to divorce than marry.”

“Ooooo, now I really have a reason to stay with him!” Mariah giggled vigorously. “Is that in that book?”

Christina shook her head solemnly, holding the closed yellow book up as proof. “I thought everybody knew that.”

“Just one more thing you gotta do.” Io slowly withdrew her arms from around Mariah’s neck and wiped her eyes with a finger. “Now that the easy part is over… now comes the hard part.”

She turned to one of the tables near her and picked up a small blue and white box about the size of her palm. Behind her glasses, Mariah’s dark brown eyes widen in stark fear. The moment she had dreaded the most was finally here. She fumbled with her fingers nervously, interlocking them over and over again. Suddenly, she felt another hand settle over hers. Janet was staring up into her eyes, her own look of compassion projecting a calming effect.

“You can do it, Lil Bit.” She whispered. “You’ll get used to them in no time.”

Mariah swallowed audibly. Io held the box of eye contacts in both hands, presenting them to her like a sacrificial offering.

It was the last obstacle for her to overcome as the perfect bride.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The bride’s Wilhelm scream could be clearly heard in the pastor’s cluttered study on the opposite side of the church. The groom, Elijah Robinson, had to pin the arms of his best man, Flynn Jefferson, in full-nelson to prevent him from mounting a rescue.

“C’mon man, stop playin’!” Flynn growled, struggling in Elijah’s wrestling hold. “She could be in some trouble or somethin’! You know your folks’ into that bridal kidnapping stuff!”

“Calm down, dude!” Elijah barked in an annoyed tone. “You’re wrinkling my tux!”

“Some husband you are.” Flynn sniffed as Elijah released him from the hold. “Wife-to-be already screaming for her life, and you just all ‘it’s cool, dude’. Ain’t ya going to check on her?”

“Hey, I don’t appreciate what you implying about my family, man.” Elijah returned to the large rectangular mirror that hung behind the pastor’s oak desk, straightening his black bow tie.

“Your aunt practices voodoo, dude!” Flynn stated the fact in a grim tone. “And your mama’s all into those Ms. Cleo-cards-”

“It’s called embracing culture…of some kind, in their case.” Elijah set a foot on the pastor’s throne-like desk chair, wiping down his shiny black patent leather shoe with a worn rag. “But you’d know that if you went beyond the block once in a-”

There was another horrifying shriek from Mariah, but it was silenced midstream. Flynn recoiled as if he had been struck, while Elijah nonchalantly finished wiping his other shoe.

“That was the other one.” He said with a smirk.

“The other what, college boy?” Flynn asked timidly.

“Eye contact. ‘Riah doesn’t like things around her eyes.” Elijah answered, returning his attention to the mirror while running a brush through his tiny afro.

“Since when?”

“Since forever.” Elijah chuckled slightly. “There was like this time, when she woke up with this giant eye booger…nasty thing. I told her about it, but she was too scare to touch it, ‘cause it was close to her eye. When I tried to help her out with it, she nearly broke my arm. You should see her at the optometrist…”

“She’s that bad?”

“Ever heard of this movie called ‘Zombie’?” Elijah straightened the coat of his tuxedo and modeled in the mirror. “It’s one of those old scary films. There’s this scene in the movie, where this white girl’s captured by one of the zombies, and has her eye impaled. It’s on Youtube, if you want to see it…I’m sure somebody uploaded it.”

“I don’t know ‘bout that…” Flynn cringed.

“A big football star like you, scared of little stuff like that?” Elijah teased.

“I’m just not into scary flicks, man.” Flynn snarled, desperately trying to regain his manliness. “Anyway, what that got to do with Lil ‘Bit?”

“Mariah saw that…dude, she freaked out.” Elijah told him, a note of regret trickling into his voice. “She couldn’t sleep for nearly a week, and she went and bought these thick goggles, to protect her in case her eyeballs accidently would get impaled. She went crazy…”

His voice trailed off as his fingers lingered on the surface of the pastor’s desk. Sensing a change in mood, Flynn walked over and placed a comforting arm around the bridegroom.

“You alright, college boy?” he said, concerned etched on his face.

“Just having a moment of clarity…” Elijah said distantly. “Wait a minute…I think that’s the wrong word or context…”

“Ain’t that for alcoholics?”

Elijah nodded, stepping back with his arms outstretched at his sides, presenting himself. “How do I look?”

Flynn smirked, thoughtfully rubbing his thumb and forefinger across his small beard. “Like you about to marry Halle Berry and Oprah at the same time.”

“I am.” Elijah grinned, placing his hands on Flynn’s broad shoulders. “She’s like a Suicide, man…y’know, when you were a kid, and you’d get a fountain drink with all the different flavors mixed together? That’s her. All the things I love about a woman, in one package.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Flynn pressed his lips tightly together and rolled his eyes, failing to hide his irritation.

“Thank you for being my best man, Flynn.” Elijah said solemnly, starring him straight in the eye while squeezing his shoulders for emphasis. “You could’ve turned me down…me and you, we were like the heads of the Capulets and the Montagues, fighting over her-“

“And the best man won.” Flynn interrupted. “I’m not goin’ to lie…I did this for her. But…I know she’s in good hands. After all, you left college for her…”

Just as Elijah was about to respond, a knock thundered on the study door. Elijah’s hands drifted slowly down to his sides as Flynn turned to open it. A large purple hat, decorated with a plethora of flowers, seemed to envelop half of the doorway as a tall female body, clad in a purple skirt suit and matching pumps, entered into the crowded study. The hat-headed being was followed by a middle-aged, slightly rotund, African-American gentleman in a blue and white pinstriped suit and a white bowler hat.

“Everyone’s almost ready, Eli!” a wizened, Southern female voice drawled from beneath the great hat. “Look at you…so handsome!”

“Boy, you got tested like I told you? Sure that child’s yours?” the man guffawed, slapping Elijah good-naturedly on the back. “I’m just messin’ with ya, stepson!”

“Mama…SD…” Elijah smiled weakly. “Thanks for the heads-up.”

“Look like these two were makin’ out!” the older man laughed heartily, wrapping his arm around Flynn’s neck and rubbing his bald head playfully. “Don’t Malachi know about you tw-”

“Mariah, Trevon.” Elijah’s mother removed her giant hat, revealing her gracefully-aged features. “Get her name right, you have to dance at the reception with her.”

“I’m not gay, Mr. Harris.” Flynn muttered through clenched teeth. “I’m looking for a girl right now, but I’m not gay.”

“I was just foolin’ with ya, boy.” Trevon slapped Flynn on the back. “Good natured ribbin’, that’s all-”

“So, how do you like the new Harpercrest?” Elijah asked the newcomers, hoping to diffuse Flynn’s rising temper.

“The amusement park construction, the coming attractions…they’re all nice.” His mother replied. “But the fact that I can walk around here…in broad daylight…without being mugged or molested …that’s the best thing. To enjoy sweet country air, to see walls with no graffiti…I take comfort in knowing that my son is in a safe place now.”

“Hey, whatever happened to that girl?” Trevon interjected, a serious expression on his face for the first time. “What’s her name…the one that chased off the gangbangers?”

“Gossamer, SD.” Elijah answered with an air of wonder. “Her name was Gossamer.”

“How do ya spell that?” Trevon asked curiously.

“Don’t worry about it, knucklehead.” Elijah’s mother patted her husband’s face as if he was a child that did not know any better. “It’s on the building Elijah owns now…the ‘Gossamer Museum’, right?”

Elijah nodded proudly. “We would’ve held the reception there, but the mayor suggested we use the new Ballroom Center instead.”

“As long as that child gets something.” His mother said gravely. “Yeah, you built the museum…but you’d think the mayor would’ve given her a medal or something, for standing up to those criminals…like that miserable Soddom fella …”

She shivered visually, while a look of horror flashed across Trevon’s round face for mere seconds.

Both Elijah and Flynn chuckled weakly, exchanging guilty glances. “I’m sure wherever she retired to, the chick got a huge reward.” Flynn quickly suggested.

“What you know about ‘chicks’, boy?!” Trevon said seriously, before cackling shrilly and adding, “I’m just playin’ with ya, boy!”

“God bless you, baby.” Elijah’s mother leaned over and kissed her son on the cheek. “And Flynn? Keep him in line while you’re up there. I want him making his vows, not making out.”

“I will, Mrs. Robin- I mean, Mrs. Harris.” Flynn smiled, elbowing Elijah teasingly in the ribs.

“I’m gonna steal your woman tonight, stepson!” Trevon teased as he practiced a few line-dance steps, shuffling behind his wife out the door. “You youngblood don’t know nothin’ about charmin’ a woman…don’t know nothin’ about sweepin’ her off her feet!”

As the door slammed shut behind them, best man and groom exchanged baffled glances in silence.

“Suffocation.” Flynn said at last. “I’m goin’ to suffocate that man in his sleep if he calls me ‘gay’ one more time.”

“Stepdad was just ‘foolin with ya’.” Elijah chuckled, imitating Trevon’s gruff voice as he leaned on the pastor’s desk. Closing his eyes, he inhaled and exhaled rapidly several times while slowly waving his hands up and down before his chest, mentally centering himself. Then, he opened them and looked directly at Flynn once again.

“I’m ready to join hands and hearts with her.” He said in a resolute tone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Girl, calm down-!”

“-Smudging her makeup, damn! Gotta put it on again!”

“-Don’t get the dress dirty! White can pick up anythi-”

Mariah’s brain was incapable of processing full sentences at the moment. She was in full panic mode, and it was taking all of Christina and Io’s strength just to hold her down on one of the wooden tables. Each cousin held a struggling arm, while Io’s other hand was clamped down on Mariah’s lips to stifle her scream. Janet had quickly mounted the bride, and with surgical precision, had removed her glasses and placed a contact in her left eye. The right eye, however, was proving to be more elusive.

“Open your eye, girl!” Io’s bark rivaled that of any drill sergeant.

“Almost got it opened…” Janet licked her bottom lip. “C’mon, Lil Bit…its okay…it won’t hurt…”

“You want to get married, don’t you?” Christina said compassionately, rubbing Mariah’s left arm.

Mariah’s rhinestone sandals flashed as she kicked furiously in space. She could not help the intense fear that gripped her. Her ultimate nightmare had been brought screaming to life. To poke and prod her very eyeballs…the very thought of such a thing usually sent an arctic chill creeping down her spine.

“Got it!” Janet declared triumphantly with a mild victory whoop.

“God…!” Io sighed as she and Christina released Mariah and backed away a few steps. It took a minute for the bride to regain her bearings, and sit up. It took another to realize that she was seeing clearly, without the ubiquitous frames around her eyes.

“Mariah!” Io snarled with a thunderous clap of her hands. “We practiced this last weekend! What the hell-”

“I was drunk then.” Mariah shrugged weakly, re-positioning her tiara on her hairbun. “Easier, I guess-”

“-Got those people out there thinkin’ we tormentin’ you or somethin’…” Io continued her rant, pacing back and forward nervously. “What’s wrong with you-”

“-like nails on a chalkboard to me.” Mariah shamefully inspected her hands with her new eyesight. “I just don’t like things on my eyeball…I don’t like to even think about that…poking…sticking…slicing…”

“What’s the deal with that, anyway?” Christina piped up. “I thought Eli always thought you were cute with your glasses?”

“It’s a symbolism thing, right Lil’ Bit?” Janet interjected. “She’s comin’ out of her shell, so to speak…she’s ‘naked’ now, without her glasses…”

“Naked?” Christina cocked an eyebrow, visually puzzled.

“Not like literally, genius.” Janet chuckled, holding up Mariah’s eyeglasses. “But like a turtle without a shell…these are a shell to her, see?”

Io grabbed one of the many folding chairs spread about the Fellowship Hall, and placed it on the raised platform in front of the full-length mirror. Turning to face the other three with her arms crossed, she said in a reconciled tone, “Come on. Let’s finish the mission, wife-to-be.”

Mariah could not help but grin at the statement. Helped along by the other two bridesmaids, she walked carefully to the chair, gathered her gown underneath her, and sat down. Immediately, her three friends went to work, reapplying lipstick and other make-up essentials smudged in her earlier struggle. The session only lasted mere minutes. But, as it was about to draw to a close, Janet leaned over before Mariah, dangling a shimmering something before her eyes.

“I thought you’re going to wear this…” she said matter-of-factly.

It was a golden necklace, with a small golden infinity sign pendent. It was a gift from Elijah, on their third date, when they formally establish a romantic relationship. She treasured it, even more than the engagement ring, and wanted to wear it to complete her dream wedding ensemble.

But it had competition.

Her left hand instinctively reached to caress the blood red chocker around her slender neck, ever-present since her last days at Harpercrest High School. Its history was not as rosy as the Infinity Pendent of her lover. In fact, she found herself retracting an earlier thought…it was not so much a gift from her father. He had given it to her days after Demitria’s funeral. Back then, she was lying around the house, teeming with depression and cynicism, and alternating between watching old home videos of her deceased friend and subtitled magical girl anime. The world had become black without the white…bleakness spawned from helplessness. Their originally tight-knitted community had become infected by the societal virus known as crime.

The Disciples, gangbangers…long the scourge of the urban landscape…had descended on Harpercrest as human locusts.

The limited staffing of the local Sheriff Department were no match for the well-armed thugs, and thanks to gaining the support of the corrupt County Commissioner, they had the protection of the law as well. Almost overnight, the secluded country town was transformed into a drug trafficking and distribution center. Like a long, thick dark cloud with no end, fear dominated the townspeople’s lives. Children could not play on the playgrounds, because they had become littered with the gyrating bodies of strung-out junkies, benefiting from successful drug product. The Disciple soldiers enforced curfews, their show of might being the glistening muzzles of their guns. The families that tried to escape the madness would be forced to return under threats of torture and violence.

It only worsened when the civil wars erupted.

When her dad had sat down beside her on her bed that day, she was watching Pretty Sammy. She was trying to lose herself in the colorful world presented, a fantasy world…a world where her best friend was still alive, and the monsters were far from human…they were robotic, alien, demonic. She was only half paying attention, however…she was too busy sobbing quietly to really care.

His coarse hand, the hand of a craftsman, touched her leg gently. After she did not immediately respond, he touched it again.

She had lethargically looked over to him. His usually joyous wide eyes were now lifeless, drained from grieving and the lack of rest; he had been up the many nights that Mariah had cried herself to sleep. In his right hand, he held a shiny red choker, with the golden medallion decorated with an etched butterfly in midflight.

“You were right, baby.” He cautiously held out the choker for her to take.

“Daddy?” she had whispered, confused as she inspected the fashion accessory in his hand.

“I got a plan, Mariah.” Her father had nodded towards the television. “A plan to lift this horror from our town. From our lives. And it is all thanks to you.”

It had taken the young woman only a few seconds to realize what he meant. No. He could not have been serious. It had been a childish suggestion, rising from the despair and desire for retribution for Demitria’s death. She could not believe what he was indicating was even remotely realistic. But yet, time and again over the course of her young life, she had come to believe that her father specialized in the impossible.

Io’s calling of her name snapped the bride out of her mental sojourn. Elijah’s cherished gift still dangled before her eyes, and now all three bridesmaids awaited her decision. Mariah’s golden brown eyes, sans glasses, stared at her mirror doppelganger, looking from the necklace to the choker and back again. After a minute of deliberation, she slowly reached to undo the choker around her neck.

“Your kingdom…is not secure, Princess…” a soft whisper tickled the inside of her left ear.

She froze, her fingers mere centimeters from the neck accessory. Her heart thundered in her chest as bile taunted the back of her throat. No. The cold, monotonous, mechanical resonance of the whisper had to be mistakable. He could not be here.

“Lil Bit…you okay?” Io leaned closer to Mariah’s worried face, her own expression mirroring the bride’s.

Just as the bride was about to respond, she felt something repulsively familiar glide tauntingly across the exposed area above her bosom. It was ice cold metal, traveling downward from the bottom of her neck to the top of her wedding gown. With tears of anger and fear racing out the corner of her eyes, the young woman’s eyes slowly locked on her reflection. It shocked her that she was not surprised by what she discovered next. It was a silvery skeletal metal hand, with dagger-like claws, held over her bosom. The hand was attached to a dark blue robed arm, a piece of midnight in human form.

Io’s lingering look of compassion warped into sheer terror as she learned of the newcomer as well. Before either woman could react, a thunderous crack of a whip deafened their senses. In the literal blink of Mariah’s watering eyes, a shimmering black coil snapped around Io’s neck and snatched her out of view. Mariah stood frozen, her body refusing to move. She listened tearfully as her matron of honor’s string of curses was mercilessly silenced by a horrendous splintering of a table.

With much mental effort, her glossy lips tensed and pulsed as she struggled to part them. Her vocal cords stretched, desperately trying to shake free paralyzing dread. But when her voice escaped, it was only as an insufficient whisper. “Gods bleed ichor.”

“Oh my God!” she heard Christina exclaim from behind. Suddenly, eight black coils, similar to the one that had snatched Io away, filled Mariah’s immediate field of vision, their tips slapping the mirror. Then, in a noise that resembled a roar, they all vanished behind the sitting bride with blinding speed, causing her gown to flutter. There were sounds of a violent struggle, as if someone was swinging something in the air, before a sickening crack of flesh-meet-metal filled the Hall. This was followed by something heavy being tossed in the air, and ending in a ghastly symphony of metal folding chairs falling down on one another.

Janet’s breathless exclamation of “I’ll kill you!” heralded the sounds of a handgun being fired twice. One bullet disappeared in the ceiling directly above Mariah, resulting in a small cloud of plaster falling in her lap. The other streaked past the bride’s right ear in a flash of sizzling heat and slammed through the mirror. Astonishingly, instead of shattering it, the bullet caused a series of large cracks to rip across the reflective surface.

“Gods bleed ichor!” Mariah sobbed louder, hugging herself and trembling. She wanted to save her friends terribly, but knew that she was too slow to do so.

The terrible crack of the coils echoed once again in the Fellowship Hall, this time followed by the sounds of choking. Mariah’s hands dropped to her lap, balling into little fists. Her eyes squeezed shut tightly as she bowed her head, fighting to center herself and regain courage.

“Gods bleed ichor!!” she finally screamed as she quickly rose out of her seat in a fury, her fists trembling at her sides.

The sounds of choking stopped, and something was thrown through the air, slamming into the far wall with a thunderous thud. She heard only two footsteps, and for the skill of her adversary, that was never purposeful; he was not called the Silent Sovereign for nothing. The ice cold metal of his horrible clawed hand caressed her neck and the chocker adorning it. His index finger traced the indented butterfly design as his harsh raspy breathing spawned chills throughout her smaller physique.

“I thought I should come along to witness this occasion.” His droning monotone, resembling that of a child’s Speak-and-Spell computer, taunted. “Apparently, denizens of the underworld don’t receive wedding invitations.”

“Gods bleed ichor.” Mariah said in a shaking voice, starring at the broken mirror. She could only see a mass of midnight blue tattered robes, shifting about as if a living organism, adding to the mystique of her great antagonist.

“That doesn’t work anymore.” he said with a nasty cackle. “But don’t worry; I’m not here to disrupt proceedings. I’m only here to make them much more memorable…”

The bride’s tearful eyes narrowed. “What are you up to?”

There was another wicked chortle. “You know the deal. This is the last episode. The final battle. The last conflict between the ultimate representations of order and chaos…of good and evil…of balance and unbalance. The culmination of your eternal struggle. The climax of act three.”

Mariah turned cautiously, not because of her opponent, but she feared the effect of the chaos revealed would have on her mental state. As her eyes fell on the disheveled Fellowship Hall behind her, she stifled a gasp. Her bridesmaids lay strewn about the overturned wooden tables and folding chairs like discarded trash, unconscious. Io had been thrown through a table like a pro wrestler, and laid on her stomach with her arms splayed above her head. Christina slumbered on her back a few feet from her in a pile of folding chairs, a small pool of blood forming around her upturned head. Janet lay the furthest distance than the others, having been thrown the full-length of the Hall. Her limp body was covered in wood and plaster, her jagged outline seemingly stamped into the wall.

The bride could not help to bare her teeth in trembling fury, a lioness in human form. Her towering adversary stood motionlessly in front of her like a ghost, remorseless of what he had done. A large white motorcyclist-styled helmet, adorned with long, elaborate bull-like horns, enclosed his head completely and hid his facial features. A blue circle was the visor; a black line, pointing up, originated from a dot in the center of the circle, symbolizing a clock at twelve o’clock. The rest of his massive body consisted of ragged dark blue robes that fully concealed the malevolent person within, with a white circle in the center of his chest that mirrored the insignia of his visor.

Mariah faced Harpercrest’s greatest nightmare made flesh and bone.

She stood before Soddom, the Boogey Man of Haywood County.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The multi-colored mass of wedding guests, showcasing their Sunday best, streamed through the rickety swinging doors of the sanctuary to the rendition of “I Will Survive” on the organ. They were assisted to their seats by various male members of the Robinsons…uncles, nephews, cousins, and one black sheep who had decided to leave his female persona at home out of respect of the occasion. The family easily overflowed the groom’s side of the church, warranting a little block of pews set aside on the bride’s side. This was not much of a problem, as Mariah’s family was considerably small, consisting of only her mother’s mother and grandfather, aunt, uncle, and their three children. Her father had no relatives.

Still, the bride’s side managed to become full as well. Many of Harpercrest’s unrelated residents proudly took their seats there, demonstrating eternal gratitude for their shared open secret. They all knew that the young woman wore glasses of a different sort, becoming the sought after champion who rescued them from criminal tyranny. Of course, Elijah’s relatives were ignorant of this fact, and assumed that wedding invitations were distributed to the whole town per some country tradition.

Through this controlled chaos waded Harpercrest’s new mayor’s aide, Roxxy B. Dressed in a white halter-top, tight blue jeans, and sneakers despite the well-dressed proceedings, she searched through the noisy sea of dresses, hats, and suits for her employer. She found the short black man, dressed in his ever-present blue business suit and red tie, exiting the restroom.

“You know you’re wrong, right?” she shouted over the cacophony of voices in the hallway.

“They had the audacity to charge me! Me!” William S. Dutton, the first-ever elected mayor of Harpercrest, snarled with a tug of his suit coat’s lapels. “They thought they were slick, trying to sneak in here and then sneak in a charge!”

“Sir, they were invited!” Roxxy sighed, running her fingers through her dyed blond hair in mild exasperation. “With all due respect…its’ their wedding-”

“Who invites male strippers to their wedding, darling? That’s a tradition I never heard of!” Mayor Dutton sniffed, walking towards the sanctuary. The organist had switched to “Freakout”, with the audience joining in with lyrics. The initial herd of guests rushing the corridor had slowed to a sparse group of stragglers.

“Regardless of their occupation…” Roxxy trailed off, her tall willowy form staggering after him.

“On top of all the expenses for this thing, and both bachelor parties!” the mayor fumed. “I’m the one personally paying for that room those girls destroyed! I don’t see anybody volunteering to cover that!

“Sir, there should be more than enough in the money the town raised.” The aide noted.

The short man stopped before the double doors of the sanctuary, bowing his head. “Please don’t remind me.” He said in mock-weariness. “If only we could get such a response out of ‘em all the time…”

Roxxy grinned. “In this case, it’s well worth it… for all she’s done. You know it.”

Just then, the swinging door was shoved forward, roughly throttling the mayor against the wall. A small figure, clad in a white dress shirt and black slacks, dashed forward madly down the hallway, only to trip and fall full-length to the floor. A larger, adult-sized figure followed, jumping on top of the other and pinning him to the ground with his right knee.

“Don’t ever run from a quarterback, boy!” the larger figure, revealed to be Flynn Jefferson, boomed proudly. “Now, give me the ring back, punk!”

“I was playing, Uncle Flynn!” the smaller figure, revealed to be the young ring bearer, screeched. “I wasn’t goin’ to do nothin’!”

“I know Mr. Campbell! You can’t pawn these rings, anyway!” Flynn dug into the child’s pocket and pulled out the shimmering diamond wedding rings. “Grandma would’ve torn your butt up!”

“Are you alright, sir?” Roxxy asked, visually concerned, as the mayor stepped from the wall in a daze.

“There’s a special place in Hell for people who mess with weddings, darling.” Mayor Dutton, nursing his forehead, stumbled over to where the boy was pinned and stared down at him. “You’ll get a flaming hot throne right next to the one reserved for Elizabeth Taylor…”

“You got him?” Elijah exploded through the swinging doors and stopped, giving curt nods to Roxxy and the mayor.

“Yeah, got your entrepreneur right here.” Flynn tauntingly grinded his knee deeper into his nephew’s back, causing him to whine in agony.

“Got the rings?” the groom asked nervously.

Flynn nodded, rising up quickly and hoisting his nephew to his feet by his shirt tail. “In my pocket.”

Elijah nodded distantly, and turned towards the double doors. Then, as if an afterthought, he turned back to the mayor.

“Can’t believe I almost forgot.” He said. “I have a favor to ask, Mr. Dutton…on top of all you and the town has done for us…”

The mayor fought to hide his look of annoyance. “Well?”

“Give away Mariah at the altar.” Elijah said solemnly.

Mayor Dutton looked like a deer caught in headlights. “I…I’d be honored, darling! But…what happened? I…I thought…I thought her father…”

Elijah shook his head, a scowl on his face. “We thought…we thought he would…return. But …he disappeared. Left no contact numbers of any kind…”

“What about your dad? Is it alright with-”

“We…me and Mariah…thought it would be better if you did it.” Elijah smiled slightly. “WE would be honored if you did.”

“Well…I don’t know what to say, darling…” the mayor trailed off, bashfully rubbing the back of his neck.

“It makes sense really.” Roxxy noted. “The mayor is essentially the father of the town, and for all the bride did for us…she’s like a favored daughter of sorts…”

“I think we need to be takin’ our places.” Flynn interjected. “Before the guy playin’ the piano gets into the Cameo collection…”

“Organ, man.” Elijah corrected as he opened one of the doors. He pointed in the opposite direction of the corridor, towards the double glass entrance doors. “The bridal party’s supposed to line up there.”

Beaming, Mayor Dutton pivoted on his heel towards the entrance doors. After taking a few steps, he turned with a wagging index finger.

“Oh, forgot to mention…tuxedos are for evening weddings.” He said solemnly, before turning and marching towards the church entrance.

“Oh damn…” Elijah looked down at his ensemble, terrified.

“He was just joking!” Roxxy waved him towards the sanctuary doors. “The mayor has a weird sense of humor-”

“No, he’s right.” Flynn chimed in. “I heard that-”

“Get up there!” Roxxy growled, ever the professional, as she shoved both men through the double doors. However, as the ringbearer tried to follow, he found a vise-like grip clamped on his little shoulder.

“Your services are no longer needed, you little sneak.” Roxxy snarled, pushing the squirming boy through the swinging doors. “You’re sitting with me.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As the bride stood face-to-face with her eternal adversary, she could not help to curse herself for her pessimism. She now realized why she had continued wearing the chocker. Deep down, she distrusted this bright, new world she had finally earned. The happy ending, a staple of most fairy tales, had now manifested in her reality, and she felt that it was much too convenient. Her underprivileged hometown was now being revitalized by the tourist trade. All the criminals had been captured or chased away, and all of Soddom’s metal monstrosities had been destroyed. She was about to marry the love of her life, and was soon planning to return to college next fall.

Essentially, all the checkboxes of her dream list had been filled. And yet, in a twisted way, she felt relief to find something out of place in her now perfect world. It made the rage she felt multi-faceted; while she was angry for Soddom’s horrendous attack, she was also secretly angry at herself for justifying it with doubt.

“I have violently disposed of your vapid friends, destroyed your bridal chamber, and stand to batter you senseless.” Soddom droned. “You have the motivation to challenge me, but yet you stand motionless.” Every time he spoke, the line on his helmet would light up in a multi-colored row, lengthening or shrinking per the duration of oral word.

“You’re dead.” Mariah said quietly, visually struggling to maintain her cool. “We agreed on that.”

“But I’ve been resurrected…by the Gods of Gomorrah, for one last shot.” The Silent Sovereign chuckled. “I have the essence of-”

“You’re lying!!” the bride stamped her foot, exploded in sobbing rage. “There was no such thing, you just made that up-”

Before the young woman could continue, the wraithlike robes of Soddom shifted forward. A horde of shimmering black coils erupted from within, slicing through the air towards her in the space of an eye blink. Before Mariah’s brain could even consider recoiling for protection, the coils retracted into the floating mass of ragged robes. As the bride exhaled a ragged gasp, a tiny piece of her beloved wedding gown silently fluttered to the floor.

As her weeping eyes locked on to the shredded piece of white, the young woman sobbed in horror, trembling helplessly before her assailant.

“If you interrupt me again, I will render your gown to shreds!” the ragged being boomed. “As I was saying…I am now empowered by the essence of my planet’s Gods of Evil! I am fifty times more powerful now, Gossamer…much more powerful than when I destroyed your beloved kingdom of Saint Haven, much more powerful than when we fought above the streets of your beloved town!”

“It’s not fair…” Mariah wailed. “We’ve already had the final battle, you’re already dead, Soddom Manor burned to the ground…”

“I’ve told you, my beautiful adversary, I was resurrected by the Gods of my dark planet! Now…I am here to finally put an end to our game!”

Game.

At that word, the bride’s lips parted then closed just as quickly. She had uttered the “safephrase” they both had agreed on several times in this encounter, and yet, it was having no effect. The monster had become complete, the sum total of its terrible parts. This “god” was refusing to “bleed ichor,” refusing to return to his normal human side.

With frightening realization, Mariah began to realize that the man in the midnight blue robes had become the mask.

“Daddy!!” she screamed tearfully. “Stop this! It’s over! Soddom’s dead! We accomplished what we set out to do!”

The helmeted head of Soddom cocked to the side for a second, as if considering the last statement. Then, with an audible sniff, he chuckled sinisterly. “You really think a game of mental chess will stave off the inevitable?”

“Daddy…why are you doing this?!” Mariah cried exasperatedly. “You hurt my friends! You’re ruining the ceremony!”

“Enough haggling.” Soddom snarled coldly, taking a silent step towards the disturbed bride. “Transform.”

“N-No!” the bride declared, instinctively taking a step back. Her mind mentally retreated, returning to the evening when she had first received the chocker. She had followed her father down to his basement workshop, so that he could elaborate on his massive plan. Waving away the smell of wood and other unknown chemicals from her nostrils, she watched him sit down at his work desk, and unfurl two poster-sized diagrams he had drawn.

“It’s really simple, Princess.” He had said, all seriousness, his voice devoid of his trademark joking. “You’ll be like Pretty Sammy and Sailor V…a magical girl…”

“Daddy, I know you’re good…but-” her voice had projected healthy skepticism.

“I got the technology, baby!” he had become excited. “Strength-enhancing technology that can tap into your nervous system, bullet-proof material built from nanotechnology, and weaponry…I can build that too.”

“The costume’s kind off skimpy…” she had noted, staring nervously at the diagram with her outfit on it.

“That’s the point, honey.” He had said. “Distraction. Those Disciples are hardened gangsters…but they’re horny young men as-”

“What’s this?” she had turned her attention to the second diagram, showcasing a menacing helmeted figure in ragged robes.

He had smiled slightly, before becoming solemn. “This is Soddom…leader of the Synful Syndicate, and your archenemy.”

Her mouth had dropped. Before she could say anything, he had interrupted. “See, the plan is this. The Disciples are at war, and one of the leaders is now dead. One constant in history is that people rally around icons…symbols. A person can become immortalized as an icon under the right circumstances.”

“Right circumstances?” she had repeated.

Her father had nodded. “Like…a vacuum in the leadership structure. But…that’s further along in the plan. First, we have to introduce an escalation factor-”

“Daddy, you’re talking in riddles here…”

“It’s one of those things I picked up on when I was really into Batman comics. Look, you got a man in a bat costume, fighting regular criminals, right? The deal is, Batman has all this power going for him because of mystique; without any powers whatsoever, he gains immortality and godlike abilities…because in costume, he become erased of mundane human characteristics. He becomes an icon. An icon, a symbol… can’t be erased, can’t be destroyed. Don’t believe me? Nazi Swastika. Hitler’s been dead for decades, and yet, the Swastika isn’t going anywhere.”

“But it’s a bastardization of someone else’s symbol.” She had protested.

“Maybe, but it’s now the Nazis’.” Her father had replied. “And I’m getting off point there. Point is…criminals started seeing the power that Batman the symbol, the icon, had gained, and thus tried to emulate it. So, they started wearing costumes. Joker. Scarecrow. Black Mask. Riddler. So you have icons versus icons, all immortalized. That’s what we’re going for, honey…icon versus icon. You will be the symbol that all those murdering sons of bitches have to rally against. And I…I will be the symbol that will unite them under one banner…to fight against you.”

She had become silent, mentally staggering as she let it all sink in. Her father had placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and stared up into her eyes.

“You will be on your own for just a little while, honey.” He had said softly. “But once I gain control of the Disciples…we will control all the factors. We will write the episodes of this ‘series’. It will be our own little game.”

“Game?” she had practically spat. “There is no game…in justice.”

A crack of a black coil returned her to reality. Soddom had closed the gap between them, his huge mass of thrashing ragged robes towering over her petite figure. She was now staring into the singular blue spot on the visor, the inhuman eye of Harpercrest’s living nightmare.

“Transform!” his modulated voice commanded in an almost pleading tone, as if a junkie seeking a fix.

“No!” she snarled adamantly.

“You little hussy!!” her enemy, formerly her father, growled. His cold, clawlike hand was around her throat before she could react. A mass of withering coils lashed out from the ragged robes, covering the entire Fellowship Hall area as one massive living shadow that consumed everything within.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Upon the thousandth pace up the entrance staircase, Mayor Dutton found himself startled by the sudden silent entrance of the bridal party. Like ethereal phantoms, they seemed to appear from nowhere on the church lawn in single file, with the ringbearer at the head. Behind him were the flower girl (who was Janet’s daughter), Mariah’s three bridesmaids, and finally, the veiled bride herself in her stunning wedding gown.

“I heard of unfashionably late…if that was what you were going for?” the mayor said as he shuffled with wide strides to his place beside the bride. He tried to peer through the veil to see Mariah’s face, but was unsuccessful.

The bride said nothing, only staring straight ahead.

“It’s okay to be nervous, you know.” The mayor continued. “Hey, the bridesmaids are supposed to be in front of the flower girl.”

In eerie robotic unison, the three bridesmaids stepped out of line, stiffly walked ahead of the flower girl, and stood before her. Bewildered, the mayor stepped from his position and quickly walked up to where the matron of honor stood. She was staring straight ahead, a blank expression on her face.

“I said…’the bridesmaids are supposed to be in front of the flower girl’.” Mayor Dutton repeated, gauging Io’s reaction.

“I heard you.” Io said, her gaze unwavering.

A smile teased the corners of the mayor’s mouth. “You don’t understand, darling. I gave you a suggestion…and you didn’t sass me.”

“Okay.” Io replied in a bored monotone.

“Okay.” The mayor clapped his hands and rubbed them together in mild triumph. “Guess everybody’s nervous.”

As he returned to his position beside the bride, ushers opened the glass entrance doors of the church. The procession was ready. With inhuman precision, the bridal party began to march into the church. The matron of honor and the bridesmaids were first, followed by the flower girl tossing her pedals and the ringbearer. The organ music could be heard as soon as Mayor Dutton neared the sanctuary doors.

But it was not the traditional Bridal March.

“What the hell we marching to, darling?” he asked one of the ushers he passed.

“‘Can You Read My Mind’.” the usher responded, visually confused. “All I know is that Eli requested it…some song from that old Superman movie…the one from the seventies.”

“Superman movie?!” Mayor Dutton snarled, causing some of the wedding guests’ heads to snap towards his direction. “This a sacred occasion and he’s playing a damn cartoon song?!”

However, as he and the bride neared the altar, Mayor Dutton glimpsed Roxxy sitting a row behind the bride’s family. She made a silent motion of an index finger sliding across her throat, a look of astonishment on her face. Sighing quietly, Dutton embraced his role as the father stand-in, and with a toothy grin, gave the bride away to a beaming Elijah. That was what he had hired Roxxy for, anyway…to be his Jiminy Cricket in tight blue jeans.

However, had he continued to pay attention to his assistant, he would have realized that the true ringbearer had been stripped of his duties, and was sitting next to her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Can you read my mind?
Do you know what you do to me?

She could hear the piercing growl of metal against metal, and see the blinding white hot sparks fly. She could see her father, in his black safety goggles and protective clothing, halting his grinding to refer to his diagram at periodic intervals. Meanwhile, as she watches, she forges the secret origin of Harpercrest’s greatest criminal mastermind simultaneously, literally the opposite of such mundane reality. His armor and weaponry were gifts from the Gods of Gomorrah, the doomed planetary empire he ruled. He had come to Earth to recruit minions to help him take it over. And those minions…were the Disciples.

Don’t know who you are,
Just a friend from another star.

She could see Eli stocking the school supplies at the University Bookstore, in his red and green clerk uniform. Having finished his task, he walks over to her, failing to hide his bashfulness. She was blushing deeply herself, having been caught red-handed; after all, this was the fifth time she had wandered the aisle that day. When he speaks, his voice squeaks slightly with nervousness. His warm brown eyes flicker slightly as he mentally searches for the perfect icebreaker. He then mentions the song playing on the store’s speaker system, noting that it originated from the first Superman movie.

Here I am like a kid in school,
Holding hands with a god, I’m a fool

She could see her father beaming proudly over their early morning breakfast of eggs and pancakes at the local diner. She, however, is extremely terrified and agonized. The former gangbangers, now members of the Synful Syndicate, had captured and tortured her…on his orders. Her father’s triumphant smile vanishes as his expression turns grim. He points out that both of their “roles” include some sacrifice, such as the “heroine” sometimes being captured. He adds that he cannot jeopardize his credibility with the Syndicate, not when the plan is bearing fruit. Choking back tears, she leaps up from the booth where they are sitting, and prepares to stomp off. He says nothing, but slides a folded sheet of notebook paper to her side of the table. Thinking of Darren, she reluctantly snatches and unfolds it. It reveals the next “episode” to be a scenario involving a drug factory on the edge of town, and a pre-planned battle with General Tuzok(formerly the hardcore Disciple lieutenant Little Crazy).

Will you look at me, quivering,
Like a little girl, shivering?

She could see Eli smiling down at her as they watch “Superman” at a get-together at the University Center. On screen, the Man of Steel was flying with Lois Lane as the orchestra swelled in a musical score. It was the same song that played over the store’s speakers when she and Eli first met. Unconsciously, she snuggles closer to him, her glasses bending slightly as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

You can see right through me…

It took Mariah a few minutes to realize that she was instinctively singing the words to the song being played on the organ. There was now sound from beyond the Fellowship Hall.

The bride was horrified, as it confirmed two things for her. The first was that her father had used a “sound bubble” around the Hall, to keep the noise from the attack muted. The second was that the ceremony had begun without its bride.

Her eyes snapped open to a world of slithering, squirming darkness. She could feel the coils slide about her limbs and body, and hold her aloft by her arms and legs. But they bestowed her with no sense of space, distance, or time. Was this a new technology her father had developed? Was she staring at the edge of a gaping black hole of some kind?

“Daddy!” she squealed. “Where are you?!”

A blue oval suddenly materialized before her, with a multi-colored line pointed upward. “Your life is in peril. You now lay suspended before my pocket black hole. Transform, and you can escape.”

“No!” Mariah snarled.

“How difficult are you going to make this?!” the blue oval vibrated with fury. “I have your friends ensnarled in my dastardly coils as well. Are you willing to sacrifice them to an extradimensional doom?!”

“Daddy…we grew up together!” Mariah screamed. “We’re best friends! Io’s like a sister…like a sister to me!”

“I am not your father!” the oval boomed. “I am your conqueror! The ruler of Gomorrah, I am-”

“Darren.” Mariah said quietly. “Demitra, Daddy. That was what this…all of this, was all about.”

Suddenly, the blue orb vanished into ether. The void shifted and bucked like a giant wave of black, before the shimmering black coils slowly began to withdraw. Within minutes, enough of them had recoiled to where the Fellowship Hall had come into view. Fearfully, Mariah watched as the coils retreated, uncovering the still slumbering bodies of Io, Christina, and Janet in their uncomfortable positions. Delicately, the four coils suspending her above the floor placed her on her feet. Then they, with the remaining mass of coils, vanished into the robes of Soddom in one giant wave.

Mariah blinked rapidly, at a loss for words. Soddom stood merely a few feet from her, in the center of the Fellowship Hall disaster, unmoving. It was as if he was a monstrous apparition, frozen in time to frighten infinite generations.

She took a shaky step forward, a confusing step; she did not know whether to react to him, or race to her friends’ aid.

The Boogeyman of Harpercrest bent slightly, the blue oval of his helmet locking on to her face. One sinisterly glinting claw reached up to his mask with a finger of silence, while his other hand waved towards the sanctuary next door. Mariah’s brown eyes grew wide as saucers as the sound next door increased in volume, like a radio being turned full blast. Her reaction, however, was not because of the wonder of her father’s sound manipulation.

It was because the marriage vows were being exchanged.

Just Awesome/Mediocre Cinema Tidbits

2010-10-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I haven't been updating this blog in the way that I would really want to, which is probably every week at the most. Thus, I've seen tons of movies over the last few months and haven't really reported on them. It might seem that I don't have a life because I'm a constant at the theatres in town, but think of it this way: since I don't drink, I don't go to a bar, so going to the movies is the equivalent of a place to hang out.

So, here are a list of movies I've seen over the last few months, and my thoughts on them:

Red: The marketing campaign for this film should be "Old School Is Cool"...or maybe "Don't disrespect your elders". You have Bruce Willis, one of the greatest badasses in cinematic history, leading a crew of equal badasses like Morgan Freeman(c'mon, Lean on Me and Wanted?), Helen Mirren(who gives me that Jennifer Mui(Mercenaries) vibe) and John Malkovitch(who shoots a blanking missile with a gun! A freaking missile with a gun!!) against Karl Urban(Bones from the new Star Trek?) and the CIA. The office fight between him and Willis's character is easily one of the funniest(as far as sheer brutality and application of wrestling moves) i've ever seen. A awesome action film that has that offbeat feel and humor, similar to Kick-Ass, imo.
Jackass 3-D: One of the most honest film franchises I've ever seen. Really, if you go to this film expecting a quality product...you are stupid. Jackass also teaches a vital life lesson: with the right opportunity, you can make money off of ANYTHING. Johnny Knoxville, Wee-Man, and crew are back, with a few new faces(like the big guy), displaying funny stunts and antics. Highlights include the Rocky gag, where a person sneaks behind someone with a glass of water in one hand, and a boxing glove in the other, splashes them with the water and punches them simultaneously, a tether ball with a hive of bees. The gag-inducing crowning achievement involves Steve-O, a porta-potty, solid waste, and bungee cords. You get the feelings while watching that these guys are probably tired of the stunts, and want to move on...at least, that was the vibe I was getting.
My Soul To Take 3-D: While not at all as bad or horrible as Prom Night, My Soul wasn't...as good as I thought it would be. The Wes Craven production starts with a killer with seven multiple personalities(incorrectly attributed to schizophrenia, when it is really dissociative identity disorder) who is killed on the same night seven infants are born prematurely. Sixteen years later, the seven infants, who have formed a group of sorts, begin to get picked off, one by one. The problem with this movie was there was too much focus on the soap-operish school antics, which I wasn't interested in, although I did like the concept of Fang(Emily Meade) running the school(which reminded me too much of anime). Another problem is that the 3-D was a crock...it is barely there, and imo, I really didn't care for it anyway. And last but not least, the Riverton Ripper was barely the focus of the story...thus, he was not memorable in any way. Mediocre cinema at best.
Scott Pilgrim Versus The World: I think a movie that you can't put in a box, i.e. is so strange and different that it provides its own experience, is a good thing. And Scott Pilgrim provides this in spades. Micheal Cera, as the title character, is a slacker musician, trying to make it into the big time with his band, when he falls in love with anime-haired Ramona Flowers(Mary Elizabeth Winstead), despite the fact he is dating Knives Chau(Ellen Wong)(and with a name like that...I wouldn't think about cheating on her!). Of course, that is not the big problem. The big problem is Ramona's ex-lovers, who have formed a league to fight him! While there is the video game motifs that shape the world of Pilgrim, I got a bigger anime vibe from the proceedings...from the idea that Scott and nearly everyone knows martial arts, to things like fire-wielding powers, teleportation, and super-speed are treated as a casual aspect of life. This is an awesome movie, A+.
Catfish: I went to this film by accident. Since I was waiting on a friend to see The Social Network, I had two hours to waste. I saw the advertising of Catfish in the theatre lobby, and initially got the impression that it was sort of like Blair Witch or The Last Exorcism, a faux-documentary-type of horror or thriller film. Little would I realize that the film had more than enough relevancy with Network, making it the perfect double feature with the subsequent film. Catfish is a supposely real-life documentary about a young man who, after becoming friends with a young painter over Facebook, falls in love and becomes romantically involved with the painter's older sister. However, after weeks of romantic exchanges, subsequent investigations of the older sister would yield a terrifying, but realistic twist: the "older sister" is someone else entirely. Essentially, the film explores the trials and tribulations of online dating and relationships. Sometimes the very person you see in that Facebook profile...can be someone else entirely.
The Social Network: I see this film as pure inspiration. Mark Zuckerberg is one of the richest people on Earth, and according to the film, Facebook originated simply as something else to spite his girlfriend! Just like in my Jackass entry, I'm just pointing out that one can make money off of ANYTHING. Anyway...this film is a wonderful drama about the founding of Facebook, and the character exploration of founder Mark Zuckerberg, whose deadpan intellectual putdowns would make Lelouch jealous. And Brenda Song grows up, imo, from her role as Tweety-Bird heiress of the Suite Life franchise into a psycho girlfriend of Zuckerberg's best friend and business partner, Eduardo Saverin(Andrew Garfield)...of course, that is oversimplifying her character. By the way...this is a David Fincher movie. Just saying.
Piranha 3-D: Save your money. Yes, you get naked chicks, goofy story, and goofy characters. But, no ending, and as my friend pointed out, the pickest monsters this side of the Predator; they don't consume all of their food, just taking out small chunks here and there. Kudos for making an explantion for the now fictional portrayal of piranha...but still, not enough to save this movie.

Lil Tidbits 10/13/10

2010-10-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

I think I'm finished with my selection for The Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team. Of course, I have quite a few more candidates, but just imagine them as fodder-I mean these future characters as part of the next team, after the first is wiped out. Maybe in the sequel. Seriously, any film production takers? Asylum? Troma? I would write the script, seriously. Rogue? C'mon, I need some employment, and if Prom Night can exist...I can easily top that.
Thanks to Editor Selena Thomason of Mindflights and Ms. Alexcia Reynolds(who has stuck by me through thick and thin as far as my writing is concerned) for their comments on one of my stories. It seems I have a perchant for overwriting my stories...so I will try to rein it in, although personally, I like description, painting mental pictures.

My Top 10 Anime of All Time(Right Now) Part Two

2010-09-27T17:36:00.000-07:00

So here is the rest of my top 10 anime that are the greatest as of this very moment. The great thing is that anime seem infinite...there are so many more titles that I would love to get my hands on, but I'm taking my time, trying not to burn myself out.

So, here are the rest of my faves:

Witchblade: If you simply go by this image...then you're missing out on a spectacular story. One of the reasons I initially avoided this anime was because I thought it was just some anime tie-in to the American Witchblade comic series. Imagine my surprise when, thanks to some offhanded comments from someone who watched it, I checked it out...and fell in love with it. This is mainly because this anime took the intial American concept and told its own story with it. Thus, instead of NYC cop Sara Pezzini, you get the Japanese young woman Masane, who is forcefully bonded with the Witchblade. Its a whole different story here, folks...and I would say that this is its greatest strength! Sure, the chick maybe half-naked here...but you get so much story, similar to Ikki Tousen...the themes of motherhood and destiny are very prominant.
Those Who Hunt Elves: What do you get when you mix a Japanese schoolgirl who is a military otaku, a meat-headed but deadly martial artist, a highly-intelligent actress, and a dog that does magic...in a fantasy world where they have to strip sexy elves to return to their home dimension? Surprisingly, this isn't at all pornographic. One of the very first anime I encountered, Those Who Hunt Elves is the story about three individuals who, along with a tank(!) are accidently summoned to a fantasy world by Celcia, Mistress of the Elves, to intially battle a world-threatening foe. Of course, the real story takes place afterwards...with the trio having to travel that world to find pieces of a spell that literally tattooed itself on the bodies of five elves. This is one of the funniest anime I've watched, with crazy concepts such as Celcia becoming part of the group as a magic-wielding dog, to the tank becoming possessed by the soul of a cat!
Jo-Jo's Bizarre Adventure: THE WORLDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the most awesome anime of all time, Jo-Jo Bizarre Adventure is based on the manga by Hirohiko Araki, which in turn spawned Capcom's awesome game. Basically, the story is about these individuals, who can create spiritual warriors from within their bodies called "Stands". These Stands have unique powers such as manipulating fire or electricity; they can be as varied as using dead bodies as weapons or killing with light! Anyway, the Stands are named after cards in a Tarot deck, such as main character Jotaro Kujo's "Star Platnium". Anyway, the anime tells the story of Jotaro and his crew's battle against Dio, one the the craziest, most powerful, and vicious anime villians of all time. He's also a vampire...and unlike ol Dracula, he doesn't care about romance...he's all about brutalizing his enemies and getting the blood of the Jotaro Bloodline. Think Phantom here; just like the title of the Ghost Who Walks is passed down through the generations, the eponymous "Jo-Jo" in the title is unofficially passed down from father to son. The manga seems to cover a few generations of the family bloodline, and in the anime, both JOtaro KuJO and his grandfather(who is the star of one of the previous manga arcs/sagas) is JOnathan JOestar.
Hellsing Ultimate: I'm not talking about the 13-episode anime, but the spectacular OVA series that has yet to be finished. Still, check out the episodes that have been released so far...great stuff. The story here is this British organization, known as Hellsing, has control over and uses the original and greatest vampire of all time, Alucard, against the undead and Millennium, a remnant unit of Nazis. Alucard can do things that would make Dracula jealous with envy(of course, it is implied that they are the same person)...he can regenerate from ANY wound, fabled anti-vampire weapons or otherwise...and apparently, like Goku or Naruto, he has more states of higher power. My little blurb on the subject doesn't do justice to the story at hand.
My-Otome/My-Hime: If you like magical girls ala Sailormoon, this is a perfect counterpart for ya. I included both because they both take place in the same universe of sorts or use the same characters in different ways...think Tenchi Muyo/Pretty Sammy. My-Hime came first, and, like Jo-Jo's Bizarre Adventure, it is about schoolgirls who gain powers via outer manifestations of animals and/or warriors. My-Otome, on the other hand, is more straight-forward magical girl fare. Wonderful stories, both!

My Top 10 Anime of All Time! (Right Now) Part One

2010-09-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

Remember the Japanime features I've have written up before, one on Bleach, and the other for Lelouch of The Rebellion? Well, since I'm very limited as far as Internet access right now, I can't give detailed writeups of awesome anime like I would want to. However, it doesn't stop me from giving you some small blurbs.

If you don't know by now, I'm a huge anime nut, bitten by the bug in 2001 by exposure to Cartoon Network's Toonami Block. Thanks to the awesome anime store in town, I was able to move beyond Sailormoon and Dragonball Z, into Those Who Hunt Elves, Rurouni Kenshin, Sorcerer Hunters, Project A-ko, and Ranma 1/2. Nowdays, I'm in danger of burning myself out with this obessession!

So, I decided, hey, lets put down my top 10 anime of all time, graded basically on concept, character development(in some cases), and story/plot(as it can be debatable with some people). Really, anime fans, check these babies out if you haven't already. Some anime, such as Inu-Yasha, Naruto, One-Piece, and Bleach are not included, because they are extremely long(I think Inu-Yasha is about what, 400 episodes?) and they are the constants in many an anime fan's library of choices.

Instead, the selections on this list are usually short...probably about 20-50 episodes at the most. These selections are not in any order, they are all equally awesome. So, without further adieu, my top 5 of awesome anime of all time:

Gungrave: Can you believe this anime is based on a video game? Of course, the game in question was created by Yasuhiro Nightow...yes, that Yasuhiro Nightow. The game itself is pretty cool...short, but cool. The anime is...is an awesome exercise of character development, as two best friends, originally homeless young men fighting for scraps in the street, rise through the ranks of the powerful criminal organization Millennium...only to have one friend betray the other. If you've played the game, the various boss characters and the main villian are developed beyond the max in the anime...you get to see how and why these characters chose their paths in life...and how the main hero got to where he is at the start of the story, a gunslinger from beyond the grave!! Now I warn you...this anime takes you to a very dark place...its a tearjerker and violent in some parts. But these characters are developed in such a way that you forget that they represent the villains of society!
Black Lagoon: John Woo meets girls with guns meets...hell, Gungrave. The girl on the cover with the short shorts? That's Revy. You do not want to f*** with her. Messing with her is like drenching yourself in flammable liquid and walking to hell to stand in the hottest furnace. Like Gungrave, the protagonists of this anime are essentially the bad guys of society...Lagoon Company is a crew of pirates and mercenaries who smuggle goods in Roanapur, a Thailand criminal haven that could be described as hell on Earth. Revy is the psychotic gunslinging muscle of the quartet of main characters, with Rock, the Japanese salaryman abandoned by his company(which led to him "joining" Lagoon Company) as the audience surrogate. If you like those classic John Woo films, or you like a good combination of criminal protagonists and gunbattles, look no further. Seriously, you got nuns with guns, maids with guns, and even a hot Chinese chick with...knives as elements here. But the best element of this anime? Characterization. Reasoning behind these criminals' viewpoints and actions. Wonderful stuff!
Fullmetal Alchemist: There is a new Fullmetal Alchemist anime out, one that is closer in manga translation than the first series, which I am referencing here. Any American who wants to complain about how ANY animation is for kids...I dare them to find anything on television that is as powerful emotionally as this. You have two children who, while trying to bring back their mother, nearly lose their lives in the attempt. Basically, these two brothers go through a journey of maturity and life, learning from their experiences as they try to find a way to return to normal. Seriously, awesome stuff.
Tengho Tenge: I'm telling you, that theme song will get to ya! Think of YuYu Hakusho, but instead of taking the supernatural route, it was simply a straight-forward fight anime. That's what you have here, although there is more to simply fighting than that. I'm reluctant to suggest this anime, as it doesn't really finish with its 26 episode...but then again, Black Lagoon did not finish either(although it did have a definite ending of sorts...as in "until next time"-type ending). Basically, the main character and the black character are delinquents who usually beat up students in various schools. However, when they get to the school in the anime, they find out that the students attending here are all badasses. Remember that scene in Kung Fu Hustle when Steven Chow's character found out how bad everyone was in Pig Sty Alley? Like that. And yes, the kid turning into a hot chick? That's Maya Natsume...and that SHAZAM thing is one of her martial arts techniques.
Ikki Tousen: Fanservice. Few will admit that they actually like it. I f**** love it. I don't care. But the beauty of Ikki Tousen is that the fanservice is simply an element of an awesome story about accepting destiny/avoiding destiny, reincarnation/history repeating itself, and brutal martial arts battles, all centering on the Romance of the Third Kingdoms era of Chinese history. Basically, its Dynasty Warriors meet school fighting anime. Seriously. Famous characters/historical people from that novel and/or period in history are reborn as various schoolgirls and schoolboys, and schools fight each other across Japan to rule them all. Once you get past the panty and breast shots, a wonderful story unfolds about a clueless female warrior who struggles against her destiny, a repeat of her previous Romance of the Third Kingdom's incarnation's death.

I will return with more later!

Real World Commentary: Sagging

2010-09-07T17:51:00.000-07:00

Even though I'm nearing 30 years of age, most times, while looking around at my younger sisters and brethren in black humanity, I feel like I'm from a whole different era in time. Yes, that comes off as elitist, and hell, maybe that's what I meant it to be. But man, I cannot for the life of me understand the need for young "brothers" to walk around with their pants coming off of their behinds.

And suddenly, I'm a child again, watching my own parents and grandparents berate me because I was "slouchy", with my pants lazily hanging on for dear life by mere slivers of threads. When you're a babe in the world, you don't understand where the grown-ups are coming from; you don't understand the blood-soaked struggle for black civil rights, or the centuries-long humiliation our African-American forefathers and foremothers experienced in slavery. Your only thoughts at this time in your life is usually one-worded: play. toy. cartoons. and later, acceptance. girls. and sex.

But now days, it seems like brothers that are far older than twelve are walking around, clutching their pants with one hand, as if threatening to flash some unsuspecting bystander. Since when is showing your underwear an acceptable fashion? I just don't get it...or rather, I'm glad to be ignorant of it. And what puts a giant nail in the coffin here is the idea that this "fashion statement"(both words used extremely lose here) originated in the prison world, where this was used as symbolism to show that you were another man's sexual slave. Of course, this can simply be an urban legend...

In the end, let me put it in perspective: sometimes, I might forget my belt or the belt I am using is too big for my waist. Either way, if my trousers are falling down, I'm feeling embarrassment, not acceptance. And for our young brothers out there, who already have enough obstacles barring them from progression in society at large, this sentiment should be shared among them.

AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!!

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Hook!: An Urban Legend Remake

2010-09-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

The Hook!
An Urban Legend Remake
By Melvin .L. Hadley

She took a long swig of her Coke, laced with a trace of Budweiser, and followed it with a handful of warm Skittles. She wanted Pop Rocks for the occasion, but the gas station she had made an emergency run to did not carry them. Then again, did any of the shops in her town carry them anymore? She frowned slightly as she swallowed the sugary combination. She then dramatically cleared her throat as she drew her long legs underneath her and straightened her posture.

He stared at the television blankly, his finger a blurred outline on the well-worn remote as he surfed the wave of channels. Senators, Stooges, Spongebob, and singers made their appearances on the screen in the span of a second before vanishing in disorienting flashes of color. He could not find anything interesting to watch at the moment. Correction. He did not really want to watch anything at the moment.

She cleared her throat again, this time a little louder.

He stopped. The television settled on a monochromatic Superman leaping through an open window.

“Honey? I’m ready.” She said, breaking the silence in the dim living room.

He stared at the archaic graphics of Superman flying for a few more seconds before swiveling around to face the sofa. She stared down at him from it with a sympathetic smile on her face.

“Look, this isn’t just for me…it’s for you, too. Just trying to snap you out of that funk you’re in-”

“I’m alright, baby.” He said coolly, his lips twisting playfully around a toothpick. “You don’t need to worry ‘bout me. You got too much going on as is with your classes and working and-”

“You.” She said empathetically. “Baby, when you feel bad, I feel it too. He’s like a brother to me, too. Stop being so ‘thuggish’…like nothing worries you. We both need cheering up, and this is supposed to do it.”

“Thuggish?!” He growled as he snatched the toothpick from his lips. “He’s my brother, girl! What, I’m supposed to be happy with the situation or something? I’m supposed to be grinning and cheering about that?!”

“No.” She pressed her lips in a line and rolled her eyes in annoyance. He hated when she did that. “But you can’t be running around frowning and stuff all the time. There are some things that are better left up to fate. Sometimes, you got to get your mind off of it. Distract yourself. Distance yourself from the problem.”

“Thought I was doing a good job.” He nodded towards the half-full brown bottle of Budweiser on the TV table behind him.

She chuckled. “I have something that’s a little less hard on your liver. Besides, you promised to help me with this project.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know, I know.” He waved her off nonchalantly as he sprawled across the carpet, his head resting in his hand. “But in case this doesn’t work, I can always roll up a joint in the car or something…”

She playfully stuck out her tongue and stuck up her middle finger. She then grabbed her Coke, knocked it back, and followed it up with another handful of Skittles. She closed her eyes as she swallowed the mixture, deeply concentrating. Of course she was not nervous in front of him; but in front of her Folklore Studies class of a hundred plus? That was another story.

“By the way, this has to be the strangest role-play we’ve done.” He joked, replacing the well-gnawed toothpick between his lips. “What I’m supposed to be? The naughty kindergartner or the high school wise ass?”

She suppressed a snigger. At least some sliver of his humor had returned from the chasm of despair. She ignored his comment as her eyes slowly opened. She was finally in the mood. She cleared her throat and licked her lips slightly before they parted.

“They say the story goes something like this.” She began. “One night…maybe back in the 70s or 80s…this couple went to Lover’s Lane-”

“What city?” He lazily held up a hand.

“I don’t know…and that’s really not important-”

“C’mon, of course it is.” He sat up on his haunches. “Location’s always important. Detroit? New York? St. Louis? Big city or small town?”

“Who cares, baby? It happened in America, alright?”

“That’s very descriptive. Is it near here? Far?”

She raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”

“I’m role-playing. I settled on “high-school wiseass”, and asking the hard questions, y’know, like your classmates will be asking…”

“Problem: My classmates won’t be asking those ‘hard questions’ because they’re in on the joke.”

“What joke?”

“Ever heard that too much science kills Superman?”

“No. Meaning?”

“Meaning focusing too much on how Caped Crusader’s powers work for real takes away the magic of the story.”

“That’s Man of Steel, honey.” He shook his head as he took a sip of his brew.

“Whatever.” She sighed in exasperation. “Look, just…just have fun, and don’t sweat the details, okay?”

“Okay, sorry.” He said solemnly as he reclined into his original position. “I forgot how serious this was for ya.”

“It’s cool.” She ran her fingers through her hair. Again, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Opening them, she exhaled softly and continued.

“One night, this couple went to Lover’s Lane-”

“You’ve said that already.” He interrupted.

“…where it was unusually deserted that evening. You see, the town had issued a very early curfew for the teenagers because in another town a few miles up the road, a bunch of them were killed while having a midnight get-together in the middle of the forest-”

“What kind of backwood hicks are we talking about here? The “I’ll make you squeal like a pig” kind?”

“Oh?” she crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “Like we’ve never been to a party in the middle of nowhere?”

“Like what?” he challenged.

“Michael Seville’s birthday in that dusty cabin at that lake? You know the one where I was bit by that spider hiding in my hair?”

“Mike’s not a backwoods hick-”

“That’s not the point!” She snapped. “The point is, these guys partied just like we did, in the middle of nowhere, in the woods. End of story.”

“But you said ‘middle of the forest’. What kind of party can you have with only trees and bears and owls hooting at ya and stuff?”

She glowered at him.

He was quiet for a minute or two before he relented. “Okay, okay…don’t sweat the details, I know, I know….”

“Ahem.” She uncrossed her arms as her expression brightened. “Anyway…so, in the other town, the police found a grisly sight the next day when concerned parents clogged the phone-lines, wondering where their kids where. It was like something out of a horror movie. The forest floor was crimson red instead of emerald green. Body parts lay tossed about like an angry child’s discarded toys. It was a horrifying scene, one that none of those policemen that day would surely forget….but we would never know if this was true or not.”

“Why?” He tried in vain to hide his rolling eyes. “’Fraid it would ruin their chances at the annual Police Donut Convention?”

“…because…they never returned. Deer hunters would later find their butchered remains just a mile from where the teens were slaughtered. The state authorities were called and search teams were put together. They combed the surrounding areas for miles, looking for the deviant who did the deeds. Meanwhile, the state police went around warning the other towns about the danger…so, we have the curfew.”

“’Kill her, Mommy. Kill her!” He whispered mockingly, a sly smirk on his face.

“So, despite the warnings, this couple went to Lover’s Lane, which was also in the thick of the woods. The moon was full, the stars were twinkling in the sky, spring was in full-bloom…and R. Kelly was blaring on the radio…”

“Hey, I thought this was the 50s or 60s?” he gave her a smug look.

“70s or 80s. And just making sure you was paying attention.” She winked. “So, despite the warnings, the couple go there. Both have been anticipating this date for a week. The boyfriend wanted to have sex so bad, but the girl would not let him until that night. And having Lover’s Lane all to their lonesome seemed to be an extra prize for them.”

“That girl is such a tease.” He commented, more serious than usual.

“Wow, you really have no bias!” She retorted sarcastically. “Maybe the boyfriend was a horny pervert? That ever crossed your mind?”

“Why does it always have to be the guy?” He replied. “Women act like they have it so bad, like the world is so cruel to them-”

“For your information, we’re…” she snarled on automatic, but caught herself just in time. “What are you doing? What are we doing? This is Folklore Studies, not Women Studies…”

He took a long swallow of his beer, polishing it off. Practically slamming it on the table, he returned his toothpick to his mouth while angrily scowling at her.

“Where was I…?” She cleared her throat. The rattle of the empty Skittles bag told her there was none left. “Oh, anyway…the couple start making out right there. It’s hot and heavy…the man, with his hot breath against her neck as he unbuttoned her blouse…she’s rubbing her legs against him as their bodies connect together as hard as they can…as if melting, merging with each other -”

“Front or back?”

“Look, do I even have to answer?”

“Kid has no imagination.”

“Oh, and you do?” She tilted her head with a skeptical look.

“The roof, baby.” He nodded, a grin teasing at the corners of his mouth. “Full moon like that, pretty evening like that…definitely on the roof.”

“Funny, that I never see this ‘imagination’ you’re raving about…”

“Well…you’ve been busy lately…” He shrugged.

“Next time, I’ll hold you to it.” She said self-righteously before continuing. “Anyway…the couple finds their groove and get into it. The car has just started rocking when suddenly, a rock drops on the windshield. The girl tells her boyfriend to stop. She’s scared for a moment. But the boyfriend tells her that everything’s kosher and the car is rocking again. Then, a few minutes later, a few branches drop on the hood and windshield. The girl once again tells her boyfriend to stop and listen. They don’t hear anything for a moment, and the boyfriend’s eager to finish what he’s started-”

“Was he a Bro or a Brother?” He sarcastically scratched his chin in thought.

“Oh God, don’t tell me you’re going to make penis jokes now?” She slapped her forehead in exasperation.

“No, girl. Just asking. If he was a Brother, at that first sign of trouble, the man would have been peeling out of there like Luke Duke, no questions asked. Not all of this investigation crap. Brothers seem to be smart in most of the horror pics I’ve seen.”

“Who cares, okay? Black, white, Asian…he’s just a guy and she’s just a girl, and they just had branches drop on the car, right? Sooooo…they’re back to rocking the car again when BAMMM! A giant branch falls on the hood of the car and cracks the windshield. That’s it for our girl here…she’s had enough. The boyfriend’s pissed, like you men usually are and-”

“You’re making sexist jokes now?” He mocked her earlier similar statement, slapping his forehead and smirking at her.

“…but the girl is horrified. She thinks that there is something out there, above the car, watching them. The boyfriend says hell no. There isn’t anybody out there watching, and he’s going to go out there and prove it. The girl tries to take his keys and start the car, but her man isn’t having it. He tells her to calm down and stay put. He grabs a flashlight and slowly opens the car door-”

“Ki, ki, ki, ki, ki, ma, ma, ma…” He whispered, chuckling to himself.

“He steps out, his steps sounding like shotgun blasts in the silent forest. Yes, silent. No crickets. No owls. No wind. No sound. He slams the door and flicks the flashlight on, shining it in the trees. Meanwhile, the girl is upset, almost crying. She watches her boyfriend walk behind the car and disappear into the woods behind it.”

“For the record…and I’m being honest, seriously…I’m annoyed by this “damsel-in-distress” bit, man. Haven’t the girl heard of ‘Buffy’? Maybe not ‘Buffy’, but ‘Wonder Woman’? She was out back in the day, right?”

“Hold on.” She paused for a sip of her Coke. “It gets better. So, the girl is watching her boyfriend investigate the woods behind the car. She can’t see him…only his flashlight dancing off the top of the trees. The windows are getting fogged up from her breathing so hard. Then suddenly, poof…the flashlight is gone. She doesn’t see it anymore. So, she freezes. All she hears is silence. She says her boyfriend’s name…first quietly…then screams it over and over. Nothing. Not a peep.”

“Why didn’t she just crank up the car and get the hell out of town?”

“Because her man had the keys, remember?” She patted her forehead with a finger in the thinking gesture.

“Oh yeah. Forgot that fast.”

“So, she’s all alone. Quiet. Still. Unmoving. She doesn’t know how long she stays that way, but it’s a while. After a while, she comes to the inevitable conclusion: she has to do something…tell the authorities, run home, something…so, with a deep breath she slowly reaches for the door handle. She swallows, and it sounds like thunder; her heart is literally rumbling in her chest as her hand grasps that cold handle. She pulls it to her and hears a click. But the door won’t open; it always sticks. So, she leans on the door to push it open-”

“And an axe-murderer grabs her head and snatches her through the glass.” He finished in an almost sardonic tone.

“Actually…WHAMMMM!!” She smiles self-confidently as she clapped her hands, making him jump. “....something slams into the hood of the car, nearly crushing it in half!”

“Holy…” he marveled. She can tell that it was authentic.

“The girl screams so hard that she becomes hoarse.” She continued. “She then faints (and before you say anything, it was the 70s, go figure). When she comes to, she is being pulled from the car by policemen and ambulance workers and loaded on a stretcher. The workers had positioned her so that she could not immediately see the car. But the glimpses she did receive really chilled her to the bone. The car was totaled. But she wasn’t scared about that. She was scared about what was on it…”

“The body of her dead boyfriend, right?” he guessed indifferently, trying to downplay his excited reaction.

“No…it was something huge and black. Menacing. It looked like a man…but it was not a man. It was much bigger, about eight feet long…or tall, if it was standing. The only distinctive features on that…that thing was its face. The face was white, with huge oval eyes that glowed red, and a slit for a mouth. And the other thing? A huge hook. About the size of a midgit...a tall midgit.”

He was curious. “What the hell was it? The Creature from Suburbian Hell?”

“No one knew.” she answered. “And the boyfriend? Oh, he was still alive. Covered with bruises, but okay. Oh maybe not so okay. He had quite the story to tell. Later, investigators would say that it sounded as if it came straight out of a comic book, it was so fantastic…and recommended the boy to a psych ward.”

“What did he say?”

“Something about how he was in the woods checking out the trees when he was suddenly attacked by the thing. He was almost killed by it…until this strange girl showed up. He thought it was his girlfriend at first…but thank God he was wrong. He described her as about five foot tall; with very long red frizzy hair that shrouded her face in mystery…with the exception of two golden glowing eyes that seemed to pierce through her hair like steel could slice bacon. He said she wore a strange skimpy dark blue dress with an equally strange symbol on her chest…he said it was like what the superheroes had on their chests…and she had what seemed like tape on her wrists and ankles. He said the tape…was alive, and moved like snakes. He said the girl attacked the creature and they fought all over that forest until she killed that thing.”

He straightened his posture, visually entranced by her narrative. Was it because of the girl? She did not know whether to be happy for his interest or jealous at introducing competition.

“After that, she walks up to him, with that hair wavering strangely despite no wind, with her golden eyes… clear and intense… seemingly searing holes into his, and she tells him, barely a whisper but seems as loud as a thunderclap in that forest…in this husky Southern voice, ‘Cherish your woman. Or I will be back'."

The End?

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team Part Two

2010-08-31T15:10:00.000-07:00

Continuing where I left off...for those of you just joining that lonely audience member, I'm essentially putting together the ultimate cheerleader action team to lay the smackdown against mutant redneck cannibals who want to spread their polluted genetic wealth via the horizontal tango. In basic terms, they want to breed, and our cheerleader heroines are their pom-pom and pleated skirt prey. Hey, just walk with me here...close your eyes and picture this as one of those films you stumble up on the SyFy Channel or accidentally choose on the Redbox. Now don't be like me and have your mouth drop, drool splattering against the floor as you thank the B-movie spirits for such a gem.

Be your lovable self, maybe get a six-pack of beer and/or some friends, kick back and prepare to indulge in B-movie goodness. No Bring It On! here. Alright, the rest of the crew:

The fourth member would be: Amber Strickland
Played By: Grace Johnston

Application Status: I plan to expand on my thoughts about 2007's Bloodlines soon, but let it be said here that, and this is only my skewed opinion, but I felt that is squandered tons of exploitative potential...such as Amber's sexiness. In my twisted, fetish-driven mind, she would have looked much, much better in a cheerleader outfit, while battling in the redneck breeding tournament(long story short: the homicidal rednecks would kidnap women, have them fight, and the winner would be forced to breed with the head honcho), using survival skills(I think she even used a bow and arrow) and taking out the redneck trash like a Southern belle mixed with Xena, Warrior Princess.

Skills: Amber's a badass hand-to-hand combatant, demonstrated by easily killing one girl by pushing her nose into her brain. She has survival skills as well, as she was trained by (I assume) her father(Douglas Tait) and her brother(I assume)(Dorian Kingi). In my naive opinion, it seems like she has some army-style combat training. On this team, I could see her as the gun expert, as well as the expert hunter and tracker.

Paraphernalia: I would give her a hunting knife, and maybe later, she would acquire a bow-and-arrow.

The fifth member would be: Kristy

Played by: Elizabeth Mullins

Application Status: As the old saying goes, "Big girls need love too". Kristy is the portly cheerleader in Andre the Butcher, and is the object of teasing by a rival team of cheerleaders just after the credits roll. Thankfully, Kristy's cheerpals, after overtaking the rivals' vehicle, proceed to step out and kick ass. Kristy proves that she's no slouch as a brawler, as her picture demonstrates(she is in the blue uniform), knocking all the siss-boom-baa out of that chick's mouth. She later gets a chance to make-out with Jimbo(Justin Capaz), the manliest male cheerleader ever(i.e. the only one I would tolerate near my ultimate cheerleader team) before she is sadly killed by the eponymous Butcher.

Skills: Kristy is a street fighter, a "straight-up gangsta" in urban vernacular. For humorous purposes, I would write her having brass knuckles, to clobber those mutant rednecks to death.

Paraphernalia: Brass Knuckles, anything she can pick up(Ala Final Fight)

My sixth member would be: Patti

Played by(originally): Kerry Sherman

Application Status: 1977's Satan's Cheerleaders is one of my top favorite cheerleader B-movies, if not THE TOP FAVORITE. After all, it has the perfect mixture of elements that I love: cheerleader heroines, crazy villains, over-the-top antics, and an atmosphere that is tongue-in-cheek. Essentially, the story is about four cheerleaders of a small town who, while on their way to an away game, is forcefully stranded by their school's janitor, who seeks revenge on them for the way he is treated. Sadly, he also is a devil worshipper...and the poor girls and their teacher chaperon soon find themselves on the run from a devil worshipping cult.

I'll probably have a review later on this gem, but, while i love all the girls, my favorite is badass Patti, who stares down Dobermans named LUCIFER and...some other Devil-themed name, creeps out the priestess of the cult, and proves to be the most intelligent of the quartet. Also, she proves to have much more going for her...so much more that I can't risk spoiling it via Skills and Paraphernalia...so she gets none. But IF YOU SEEN THE ENDING TO THIS FILM...THEN YOU ALREADY KNOW HER SKILLS!!!!

See you soon with the final candidates!

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team Part One

2010-08-19T21:17:00.000-07:00

Call it what you will: fetish, obsession, horniness. I love nubile B-movie cheerleaders...I love them very much. And no, I'm not talking about obvious chick flicks like Bring It On or Fired Up...those movies have more guy cheerleaders than girls, and take their sport really seriously. Really, really seriously.

And did I mention how much I hate male cheerleaders(in cinema form, not real life)?

Cheerleaders, possibly one of the top three fantasy chicks that guys would go for, are a well-worn staple of porn. But I'm not talking about those flicks, either. I'm talking about exploitation flicks, or in a broader sense, B-movies. I'm talking about Satan's Cheerleaders and Andre The Butcher. You see, I'm not much of a fan of the straight "sexploitation" of the cheerleader, demonstrated for example in the cleverly named The Cheerleaders. Being more of a slasher fanatic, I always liked them in an action-oriented situation...like running from a mob of devil worshippers, or battling a supernatural cleaver-armed maniac.

But surprisingly, there's a shortage of "cheerleader combat", which, in my opinion, really boggles the mind. You either have disgusting fake-outs like Cheerleader Massacre and A Brush With Death, where they claim to have cheerleaders, but don't...or maybe you'd pick up a movie where you wish the hot lead was in a uniform(at least, I do. But I'm not well). As a budding businessman(i.e. writer), I'm really of two minds here: on one hand, its annoying, because I would love a few more straight-to-DVDs with the keywords: cheerleader, killer, fight,...and the desperate writer in me(i.e. desperate for money) spots a opportunity to make so dough with the right straight-to-DVD production company...like Asylum? Or Troma? Hello?

So, in the spirit of my previous presentation of The Ultimate Sukeban(lead) Gang, and as an American answer to it...as well as in homage to The Expendables, the manliness all-star man movie ever, I present The Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team. The characters and/or actresses selected came from my absolute favorite cheerleader-centric B-movies, from 1977's Satan's Cheerleaders to 2003's Cheerleader Ninjas. These cheerleaders aren't from lame movies where they compete against each other(which is not bad, of course)...but they come from movies where they have to fight for their very lives against the undesirable elements of man and beast!

Let me set up the plot of my dream movie: A team of cheerleaders are on their way to an away game in another town, when their bus breaks down unknowingly in mutant redneck country. A group of disgusting redneck mutants, led by a powerful leader, targets the girls as potential mothers to give birth to the next generation of mutant rednecks. And yes, I lifted that plot from The Hills Have Eyes 2(2007).

The team would be:

The Captain would be: Jasmine Tyner
Played By: April Billingsley

Application Status: As the leader of the four man cheerleader band(three women, and one guy) in 2005's Andre The Butcher, Jasmine was the sexy, crucifix-wearin', switchblade-wieldin', kung-fu cheerleader who also reveals herself to be a hot lesbian as well, in a make-out scene with her co-cheerleader, Cookie(Heather Joy Budner). In the climax of the movie, Jasmine has an awesome one-on-one battle with 'ol Andre...and doesn't back down from the supernatural menace, despite the fact that he shrugs off her karate kicks.

Skills: Besides her mean fighting skills, she's good with a switchblade and voyeurism as well...if that counts as a skill.

Paraphernalia:Her crucifix and trusty switchblade...and maybe a bowl of chili and a can of pears;).

Co-Captain: Fumi
Played By: Vicky Huang

Application Status: There are only three things that are good about 2005's Insecticidal: Samantha McLeod's well-endowed constitution, and Fumi, the awesome Asian student who is highly intelligent and practices with sai. Read that last part again...with. sai. Like the Ninja Turtle Raphael. I'm sure many people read into the character as being a cultural/racial stereotype, but hey...it beats the stereotypes I,a African-American, have to be stuck with! Anyway, what p****** me off about this movie is that Fumi, the Asian chick who demonstrates her skill in martial arts in one form or another...IS KILLED OFF BY A FREAKING GIANT MANTIS!!!

We don't even get a promised showdown, with Fumi kicking butt on those cheap CG insects!! Instead, she's jobbed, and the untrained Caucasians beat the insects and survive. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Would Fumi do better against mutant rednecks? If I was writing it, hell yeah.

Skills: In the film, there is a scene where Fumi practices with sai, seductively. This had me screaming at the movie later, when the giant mantis was fighting her. Why she didn't grab the sai and go all Kill Bill on the things? That would have been the movie I would have written.

Anyway, she seems to have a knowledge of wielding sai/sai training. And unlike that lame movie, in mine, you would see it in action!

Paraphernalia: Her sai

My third member would be: Angela

Played By: Angela Brubaker(on the far right)

Application Status: As the leader and the only "sane man" of the titular Cheerleader Ninjas quartet, Angela bravely lead her less-than-bright group against a evil crew of Catholic Schoolgirls(TM), lead by a former homosexual(sterotypical gay) man who wanted to join the Hamsters cheerleader squad(complete with skirt!), but was throughly rejected. After initially getting their pantied butts handed to 'em, Angela and crew go through a training montage to become ninjas(which include breaking an already broken board and jumping on trampolines) to fight their fetish-inspired rivals, earning the right to carry katanas and use pogo sticks to chase after their enemies!!

Angela and her crew hates nerds the same way that Graydon Creed hates X-men. Wonders of wonders, it is later revealed that she is a nerd(stereotypical nerd), who only joined the squad to get a scholarship.

Skills: Angela would be the brains of this cheerleader squad. Since the film she was in was a spoof anyway, this movie would be a tad more serious. Thus, while she would retain her sarcastic nature, her intelligence would be increased. In the film, she demonstrated some computer skills, thus, she would have them here, although boosted to a Macguyver-esque level. She would demonstrate some limited martial art skills, and limited swordfighting skills; unlike in her initial film, here, it would be mentioned that she gained the training from school activities.

Paraphernalia: Her katana

That's all for the first round. The second group of recruits are coming up soon, so don't go anywhere!!

Future Plans

2010-08-19T17:08:00.000-07:00

I had started a feature on Marvel Comics' last crossover, SIEGE, but I think I got sidetracked or something. I'll be posting that one of these days.
Since I can't talk about ANYTHING directly about my various projects, out of fear of my intellectual properties being stolen...I can hint at them, with various articles. So on the next "Dusty Video Box Presents", I'm finally doing my selections for the "Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team"...essentially an American counterpart to my first feature, "The Ultimate Sukeban(lead) Gang" for "Pinky Violence"(Look it up on here). Also thinking about an "Ultimate Cannibal Clan" feature, based on characters from "Wrong Turn" and "The Hills Have Eyes". I'm still wanting to do that "Blacula's Legion of Doom" feature.
I've been wanting to talk about another disturbing film with a lack of exploitation..."Bloodlines". I'm thinking about calling the feature, "They Wasted Good Exploitation", like on the awesome TV Tropes site, which has the "They Wasted A Good Plot" as a trope.
Finally, if any of you Dusty Videons are men...and I mean REAL MEN...and I men REAL FREAKIN' MEN(TM), go see The Expendables. Seriously. Don't be a wuss and waste your money on Scott Pilgrim or Vampires Suck...Be A Man and go see that movie.

Lil Tidbits - 6/21/10(Contain Spoilers)

2010-06-21T16:11:00.000-07:00

Today, I've decided to go for another type of format: the quick review. I've seen a bunch of films lately, and wanted to post stuff about them here. So, drum roll please:

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time: Starring Non-Persian Jake Gyllenhaal(just saying) and my new crush, the beautiful and underrated Gemma Arterton(Clash of the Titans' Io)...seriously, she is underused in my opinion. Anyway, it is based on Playstation's Sands of Time Trilogy, and bits and pieces of the games are sprinkled throughout the narrative. Yes, we gets some great bits of parkour, like the first game(the only one I've played so far), but no sand demons to suck the magic sands from(because that would have obviously made the film's quest too easy...not that it was easy, but I digress). Anyway, the film excited me, not because it was based off of the games, but because it was made by the union of Walt Disney/Jerry Bruickheimer, the same minds behind the awesome Pirates of the Carribean franchise. Anyway, the story is formula in a sense, where two clashing personalities, Prince Dastan and Princess Tamina, have to go on a journey after a series of unfortunate circumstances involving an invasion of a holy city accused of producing weapons of mass destruction(wow, that doesn't sound familiar, doesn't it?), the death of Dastan's adopted father, the King of Persia(branding Dastan falsely as the murderer), and...ostrich racing. I'm not kidding. While fun, the film suffers from not really providing any memorable script-wise, and while there is at least one shocking scene involving Dastan and one of his adopted brothers, the supposed big twist about the King's brother? Saw that coming miles away. This movie rates a B-.
Karate Kid: As an African-American, I have to be honest: The Karate Kid of the Reagan Era wasn't trained in Kung Fu. HA! Thought I was saying something else, did you? But, I have to be fair here...I'm boycotting The Last Airbender because of the insulting white casting, so this Jaden Smith vehicle(starring the son of megastars Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith) can't really be let off the hook...or can it? After all, Dre Parker(Jaden Smith's character...and that's a cliche' black name if I've ever heard one) is an entirely new character to begin with, different from Italian Daniel LaRusso(Ralph Macchio). Instead of the Okinawan Mr. Miyagi(Pat Morita), we have the Chinese Mr. Han(played very well by Jackie Chan), and the setting is Beijing, not California or Okinawa. So in essence, we have only the bare elements of the original films...and in this case, that is usually what should be used when making these remakes...tell entirely different versions of classic stories. Still, I'm also of a mind of this film simply being its own franchise, the Kung-Fu Kid(ironically, this is the name it is given in China). On the film itself, I thought it was pretty good, and honestly, I think the martial art scenes, battles, and training easily top the original source material. Granted, the fighting was jazzed up for modern audiences(and ironically, the age of the characters shrink), but I don't remember the original Karate Kid movies being that fast and furious. All the actors were wonderful. Still, I found the Tekken/Street Fighter-esque tournament at the climax to be a little over-the-top(COMPLETE WITH REPLAYS WWE-STYLE!). My grade for it is B+.
Toy Story 3: Woody and his shrinking gang of toy pals are back in this spectacular second sequel to the Toy Story franchise. The "shrinking" reference is to the fact that prominent supporting characters from the previous installments are missing, like Little Po Beep and RC. The story itself veers screaming into dark territory, dealing with the inevitable repercussions of approaching adulthood and its effects on toys. The gang, already abandoned in Andy's wagon train trunk at the beginning of the story, are given the rather bright options of lanquishing in the attic or being disposed in the trash. A third option is thrusted upon them when they are taken to Sunnyside Daycare, benevolently ruled over by Lotso...which is revealed to be a prison of sorts. Woody and the gang has to escape the Daycare before Andy leaves for college. Just like in the previous entries, Toy Story 3 explore a facet of the secret life of toys, in this case, what happens after we grow older and turn to the opposite sex, paying bills, and video games. Easily the darkest of the series, and I'm not even talking about the daycare and its rampaging toddlers. My grade for this is A+.
The A-Team: This film is an example of a perfect Summer Blockbuster...style-over-substance, popcorn fun that should not be shied away from as much as the critics want filmmakers to do. Starring Liam Neeson(who kicks ass in Taken), Bradley Cooper(the @****** friend in Hangover), Quinton Jackson(Rampage, fool), and Sharlto Copley(@****** from District 9), they are the eponymous A-team; this film is an origin story for them, showing how they initially got together, became an army unit, was court-martialed(i.e "the crime they did not commit"), make their escape, and try to fight to regain their innocence. Jessica Biel, sexy as freakin' ever, is one of the agents chasing after them. I thought this movie was awesome. I did not expect some deep exploration of the human condition here...I mean the show, from what I remember, was no different. I give this movie an A.

The Cover Tells A Different Story: Cheerleader Massacre

2010-06-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

In many of my journeys up and down the video store aisles, I've run across great multitudes of video duds. You know what I mean, those movies that you would pick up because of the awesome cover. You'd go "Hell yeah, that looks cool!", rent that sucker, dance all the way home, pop that bad boy into the DVD player...only to find out that somethings wrong, some great cosmic calculation has misfired, some mystic primordial being is pointing his or her finger at you and laughing.

Essentially, the film in your DVD player doesn't match the one on the box.

Let me give you a recent example of my exposure to a video dud. Basically, I've been hitting the aisles of Blockbuster, thanks to the "5 for $5.00" deal - Five movies, for Five Days, for Five Dollars. You can't really beat this deal, especially if you're like me, and looking for old movies as opposed to new releases(sorry, doesn't extend to them). I came up on this movie titled The Last Resort. Look at the cover...you have a hot chick in a skimpy swimsuit on a beach, with a knife in her hand. Do you get such chewy goodness in the actual movie?

Hell no! The "Resort" of the title is actually some isolated hotel in the middle of Mexico or some place south of the American border. The swimsuits are seen in only one scene, and that's that. There is one nude scene by the Beth character(I think that was her name), but that was it. Long story short, it was a disappointment to me. If I ever do a review on it, I'll go into more detail for the reason why.

Anyway, we're here for this feature's first victim: Cheerleader Massacre!

The Cover Story(What the cover tells you): A group of hot, scantily-clad uniformed cheerleaders are being stalked by a psychotic killer in Dukes of Hazzard-type blue jeans, armed with a chainsaw and a desire to spill cheerleader blood...uniformed cheerleaders' blood. No amount of cheering will save the girls from this maniac!!!

The Cold Hard Truth(What you really get):

How do you f*** this concept up?!

I really don't know what is more disappointing: that this movie, obviously made on a shoe-string budget, was too cheap to even buy cheerleader costumes(or too lazy), or that this was made by the usually awesome Jim Wynorski. Mr. Wynorski is one of my favorite B-movie/exploitation directors, having created such awesome gems as Chopping Mall(1986), Sorority House Massacre 2(1990), and Hard to Die(1990)(I swear, I'm going to write a remake of both as a trilogy). Yet with Cheerleader Massacre, he drops the ball, beats up the rep, and destroys the playing field.

As I mentioned before, it seems that the director was too cheap to even buy cheerleader costumes. So the image on the cover? Bogus. You don't even know that the girls are cheerleaders in the film after the first five minutes, where they practice a routine in their baggy clothes. After that, they are in their regular clothes, and not even skimpy clothes to highlight their curves(face it people...you do not pick up a movie called Cheerleader Massacre to learn about the human condition).

And there are some really hot chicks in the movie, like the coach, played by Tamie Sheffield, main character Parker Jameson, played by Charity Rahmer(who gets naked for a few seconds in a shower scene), and some big-breasted hiker who gets killed (confusingly) on a rope bridge in the forest. And the rest of the story? Basically, the "cheerleaders", two guys, the cheerleader coach, and the male driver, all drive to an away game when they have car trouble. They find an abandoned house(not really abandoned per se, just someone's vacation home) where they all decide to stay for the night. Meanwhile, an escaped murderer is on the lose, and Sheriff Murdock(Bill Langlois Monroe), his deputy(Gigi Erneta), and Detective Demarco(Melissa Brasselle) race to stop him(and maybe order him a new wardrobe, 'cause that tight jean suit he wears is a nightmare in and of itself!).

Back at the abandoned vacation home, someone is picking the "cheerleaders" and their companions off one by one...and I could care less. There is a small industry of straight-to-video slashers, and the whole appeal of this one(scantily-clad cheerleaders being stalked by a murderer) is lost by the sheer senselessness of not trying to capitalize on the freaking concept! I mean, the freakin' box has "Cheerleaders" in the title, for goodness sake! If you wanted to be so cheap as not to use cheerleader costumes(the equivalent of Batman without a costume), you could have called the movie Snow Massacre. Lord knows that is what is seemed like, with the girls all bundled up, and snow on the ground. Christmas Massacre could have been another title used.

Another travesty was marketing this as a sequel to the Slumber Party Massacre series. Now, let me explain...see, in Sorority House Massacre 2, a sequel to the horrible Sorority House Massacre, Wynorski used footage from the first Slumber Party Massacre to explain the origin of the film's villain, Ketchum. Taking scenes where the Slumber Party villain stalks the main heroine and one of her friends, this is changed in Sorority House to Ketchum stalking and killing one of his daughters. Being the creative mind behind the Sorority House series, you'd think this movie would be a sequel to that film continuity(no matter how extremely loose it was). However, the director confuses matters even more by using Brinke Stevens, a star from the original Slumber Party Massacre...whose character was killed off from what I understood!

So What Have I learned?: I just don't understand why there couldn't be actual cheerleaders in the movie, LIKE ON THE COVER OF SAID MOVIE. I've noticed that even B-movie/exploitative movie companies ignore the elements of psychotic slashers and cheerleaders. I would rather pay to see that, than another Last Resort or some big fakeout like this...and from one of my favorite directors too!!

From The Comic Stands: The Legion of Three Worlds

2010-06-02T13:05:00.000-07:00

If a casual observer of comics had come up to me and asked, "is Final Crisis worth getting into?", I would have said, "Sure!". But, I would not have pointed them towards Grant Morrison's misfire of a story, but towards superhero comic mastercraftsman Geoff Johns, and his spectacular Legion of Three Worlds, the true Final Crisis, if there was one!

In the present American comic industry, there is possibly only a handful of comic writers that can write a good superhero yarn...that perfect balance of character and spectacle, embracing the science fiction and fantasy of the four-colored world, while introducing a strong sense of believability and human factor to the players in the story. Sure, every comic fan can rattle off great stories of the comic medium...Watchmen, for example. But how many can rattle off good superhero stories that don't strip away the very essence of the story, that sense of naive fantasy and adventure, of wish fulfillment? For me, a good example of an awesome tale that celebrates its superhero trappings is Kurt Busiek and George Perez's JLA/Avengers.

Anyway, Perez's awesome pencils are hard at work in this superhero saga as well! Legion of Three Worlds is, in truth, an organic build-up of elements from other various Geoff John-penned stories. The main villian of the story, Earth-Prime Superboy, originated from 2005's Infinite Crisis, where he was revealed to be one of the story's primary antagonists, setting up the various elements in the story(such as moving planets to set up the Rann-Thanagar War), and becoming the Big Bad by story's end. Pushed through the red sun of former Krypton by two Superman(the "regular" Superman of Earth-1 and the Golden-Age Superman of Earth-2), Superboy-Prime was stripped of his very vast superpowers(which dwarved both Supermen), as well as an harness modeled after the Anti-Monitor's armor that directly fed him yellow sunlight. Captured by the Green Lantern Corps(which he murdered several dozens of them), he was imprisoned on Oa.

He reappears in the next Geoff Johns-penned story, the Sinestro Corps War, escaping from his containment on Oa and joining the Sinestro Corps as a herald of the Anti-Monitor, wearing a Sinestro-Corps version of his infamous harness. His most famous act in this story is his brutal, DBZ-style battle with Sodom Yat, a Daxamite(a cousin race of the Kryptonians, with the same powers, but a weakness of lead) who is not only also a Green Lantern, but the possesor of the Ion entity, making him one of the most powerful beings in the universe. This brawl of superpowers ends with Yat impaled in lead pipes(and nearly dying in the process). After that battle, Superboy-Prime would become one of the of the deciding factors in the final battle, impatiently tossing the wounded Anti-Monitor into space, and survives a suicidal attack by a Guardian, only to be warped into another universe.

Besides Superboy-Prime, the other major elements of the story are the reintroduction of the Legion of Superheroes, and the current xenophobia of the planet Earth. This reintroduction of the Legion occured first in The Lightning Saga, a crossover between Brad Meltzer's Justice League of America and Johns' Justice Society of America. It should be noted that also at this time, there was another version of the Legion that had a series. However, what sets the two apart is that the Legion of the Lightning Saga(and thus Final Crisis) count Clark as a member of their team, a reintroduction of Superman's Silver Age status as a member of the future assemblage. Anyway, after their introduction in the Lightning Saga, Superman's membership is firmly established in the Superman and the Legion of Superheroes arc of Action Comics, again penned by Geoff Johns.

Here, Superman is brought to the future, where Earth has become a xenophoic society that hates aliens, lead by Earth-Man(former Legion reject Absorbancy Boy) and his human-based Justice League of Earth. Thanks to some manipulation by Earth-Man, the Earth sun has been turned red, thus Superman loses his great powers. However, thanks to some major teamwork, the Man of Steel and his friends manage to defeat the JLE, and show humankind how beneficial aliens are. Or so it seems.

This all culminates in Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds, where the Time Trapper, the eternal enemy of the Legion, plucks Earth-Prime Superboy from the time stream, and send him on a crash course with the 31st Century. After laying waste to Smallville and the Superman Museum over a temper tantrum of not being considered the Metropolis Marvel's main adversary, Superboy-Prime dons his old harness and decides to create a Legion of his own...of Super-Villains. Meanwhile, the Legion is trying to maintain order in crumbling relationships between themselves, the United Planets, and Earth, who still maintain their hatred for aliens. When Superboy-Prime attacks the group in their time of ultimate weakness, resident genius Brainiac 5 has no choice but to summon allies...from Superman himself and last Guardian of the Universe Sodom Yat...to Legions from two other universes. The end result? An awesome super-war on Earth between the forces of 31st Century good and evil...as well as a fight at the end of time itself!

Doesn't that make you tingle all over?!

Johns weaves a spectacular tale, and even throws some twists in. Revelations are abound, and a few resurrections occur. And in my opinion, Perez is one of the, if not THE, main superhero artist to have for a superhero epic! As a reader who enjoy long-term storytelling done right, I loved how Johns delivered on the seeds he had planted in his earlier works.

So what's my grade on this? A+. If you like just simple, fun, superhero stories that deliver on wonderful characterization and awesome spectacles, this is the story for you. Go out and get the trade, right away! I'm serious!!!

Lil Tidbits- 6/2/2010

2010-06-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

I still haven't gotten to the point yet of having a comfortable level of Internet access, so that I can update this blog weekly. Working on it, though...and hopefully, I will be able to use my laptop for this.
Ironman 2: A, Prince of Persia: Sands of Time: B+, Shrek Forever After: B.
Back to Comics: Blackest Night, Siege, Legion of Three Worlds...coming soon!
Dusty Box Presents: The Ultimate Satan's Cheerleader Team...coming soon!
Dusty Box Presents: The Truth about Otaku Senshi...coming soon!

Just Awesome Cinema: Kick-Ass

2010-05-04T15:08:00.000-07:00

The 2010 Film Kick-Ass can be summed up joyfully in this one sentence: it's Watchmen's hyper-active popcorn little brother. While this comparison won't be agreed on by many(after all, Watchmen, both comic and film, wrestle with much deeper focuses on humanity's flaws and various schools of thought), it cannot be denied that both share very similar concepts and premises. In fact, if one could squint their eyes, one could picture the titular Kick-Ass later developing into the Nite Owl from Watchmen.

The fact is, Kick-Ass and the cinematic adaptation of Watchmen share a lot in common: "realistic" superheroes(I think the term would be mysterymen, i.e. the two-fisted heroes of the Golden Age that didn't have superpowers, like Crimson Avenger, Batman, Mr. Terrific, The Angel, etc.), cool pieces of music (An American Trilogy by Elvis for Kick-Ass, Ride of the Valkyries for Watchmen), and a "realistic world" devoid of costumed supervillains. They both stem from comic books, the Mark Millar-penned and John Romita-drawn Kick-Ass and the Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons Watchmen, respectively. But, I can safely say that more people will enjoy Kick-Ass, simply because it is more straight-forward than its earlier counterpart.

The film is about Dave Lizewski(Aaron Johnson), a stereotypical teenage comic nerd in NYC, who wonders why there are no costumed heroes in real life(an very, very good question, espically when he points out that it seems everyone wants to be Paris Hilton, and no one wants to be Peter Parker. His best friend's response to this is priceless.). Purchasing a green scuba suit from the internet and a mask, Dave initially wears the outfit under his regular clothes. But after days of "training", he publically reveals his superhero identity in a first outing that does not go well. After healing from his disasterous first mission, he gains a large measure of exposure when a subsequent battle with thugs is video-taped by a bystander and uploaded on Youtube. Meanwhile, in his civilian life, Dave pines after Katie(Lyndsy Fonseca), who, after news of Dave's accident(devoid of Kick-Ass's involvement), becomes interested in him...as a gay confident.

Meanwhile, Big Daddy(Nicholas Cage) and the super-lethal Hit-Girl(Chloe Grace Moretz) cultivate a vendetta against Frank D'Amico(Mark Strong), a powerful New York crimeboss. The war between the two forces comes to a head in a New York apartment, where Hit-Girl wipes out "mercenaries" working for D'Amico. And Kick-Ass? He's there for a different reason, but is realistically useless without any training whatsoever. D'Amico, thinking that Kick-Ass was responsible for the murders, targets him for execution. His eager-to-please son, Chris D'Amico(Christopher Mintz-Plasse) wants to help in this as well, by assuming the mantle of another superhero, Red Mist.

A comparison between the source material and its film counterpart in inevitable, and I must say that this film as way more heart and soul than the comic. The comic, imo, is simply mean-spirited, and over-the-top for the sake of it. I remember being a little put off when Hit-Girl, after slaughtering hundreds of goons, suddenly experiences human feeling, wanting to cry. Sorry Millar, you can't have it that way: you build Hit-Girl up as some mindless killing machine, then suddenly, we're supposed to feel sorry for her? In the film, Hit-Girl is done right; she is fleshed out and her relationship with her father developed, giving some belivable reasoning behind this tiny ninja of a girl. Another improvement on the comic comes from Red Mist, who is fleshed out beyond being some random gangster's malicious son. I can't tell you more details without fear of spoilage.

I've heard somewhere that people disliked the film because of its shifts from satire to straight-forward superhero antics. I guess I did not catch that vibe. It was a simple superhero fantasy story for me. Let's face it, it's impossible to really tell the story of a "real-life superhero", because for the star of the story to exist, he would need a character shield. In real life, a superhero probably wouldn't just get killed by a common thug. He could get hit by a car and paralyzed for life, or go into a coma or something. Now, you could tell a story that plays with genre conventions. Sure, maybe not exactly the same thing as what the original creators of the book were going for, but its better than what some consider "realism", which seems to mean "dark, disturbing, gritty"...fantasy in the opposite direction, i.e. its unbelivable, but not as bright as the word fantasy usually brings to your mind.

The movie gets an A+ from me, and two thumbs up. Besides the great characters, wonderful action scenes, and more heart/soul, I love the bigger message(not in the comic, if I remember) of why Kick-Ass really does what he does: because no one else will stand up to the injustice they see; they only watch from the sidelines while others suffer. I'm sure there is a smaller, more intellectual way of presenting that, but I can't think of it right now. Also, let me leave you with another note: Kick-Ass was better than its source material, but Wanted, from the same writer...no where near its source material.

Lil Tidbits: 4/19/2010

2010-04-19T18:10:00.000-07:00

I've found some kind of Internet USB "stick" to give me unlimited Internet access, so I hope to be able to not only have access to quick Internet searches for my stories, but also be able to have more entries for this blog. So don't be surprised if you see my Ultimate Cheerleader Squad(as a balance to my Japanese-centric Ultimate Sukeban Gang) anytime soon.
I'm currently preparing for my first novel, hope to have my first story sold soon.
What's up with having email addresses and not replying? I know I'm being unprofessional here, but three weeks ago, I emailed at least 20 people in various positions in the film industry. My reason? I have an idea for a movie for the home DVD market, and I want to pitch it. I would rather get some support behind me before I embark on writing said film, instead of the other way around. Still, haven't heard anything from anyone; I approached Asylum Home Entertainment through four different emails, and no answer. It amazes me that it is really this hard to get a B-movie for the home DVD market sold. I mean, have you seen the films I've seen? Death on Demand? Mega Shark? Transmorphers? Gingerdread Man?
Code Geass was wonderful...easily in the top 10 anime I've seen in my lifetime up to this point.

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Ultimate Sukeban Gang Part 3

2010-04-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

I now wrap up this series with the final members of this ultimate Sukeban-lead girl gang. Now you are a purveyor of pinky violence, or at least have limited exposure like I have experienced, then you must be wondering: where is Reiko Ike? Why isn't she part of this crew?!

If you don't know who Ike is...run to your nearest video store and pick up the awesome Sex and Fury((thanks gletko)which also has my girl, Christina Lindberg in it, from Thriller: A Cruel Picture). Reiko Ike is the main character, a pickpocket who is so good at what she does that she steals without even meaning to! But I digress. She is well-known as the rival to Miki Sugimoto's character in many of the sukeban films. In Lynch Law Classroom, for example, she plays a rival Sukeban, who walks into the classroom, pushes the teacher out of the way, and challenges the Boss with The Cross to a duel!

Why she's not included in my Ultimate Sukeban Gang is simple...she would be one of the main antagonists, a rival character to Noriko and her posse. Maybe initially, she was part of the crew, but broke away and formed her on gang of delinquent girls.

Anyway, moving right along...the rest of my spectacular crew of delinquent schoolgirls would include:

My seventh pick is: Yukino Yajima

Played by: Akie Yoshizawa

Application Status: The most Japanese-ladylike(i.e. having the qualities of a traditional Japanese woman) out of the three main heroines of 1987's Sukebandeka feature film, Yukino seems to be a girl of privilage and sophistication. In fact, she is getting ready to study abroad in England before being stopped by Kyoko(Marbles Okyo) to rejoin her and Saki for the mission to "Hell Castle". Her quiet and reserved personality seem to be a foil to Saki and Kyoko's more aggressive personas. In fact, on a group of such aggressive personalities, she would easily serve as an intellectual voice of reason.

Skills: To show her blend of ladylike qualities and martial arts skill, her main weapon is a tea ceremony cloth. However, in the movie, she uses razor-sharp nail tips to slice her foes. And no...you should know by now, I'm not making this up.

Paraphenlia: Just those nail tips and that tea ceremony cloth. That's enough, isn't it?

My eighth pick is: Ami Hyuga(cue the Naruto jokes), Machine Girl

Played By: Minase Yashiro

Application Status: 2008's Machine Girl has a premise cooked up with yours truly in mind: A normal Japanese high school girl, Ami Hyuga, finds her world shattered when her brother and his friend are killed by Sho Kimura, the son of the leader of a ninja-yakuza family(ninja-yakuza. Just let that sink in) and his bully friends. When Ami tries to go get revenge on the family, she, after a bloody(and I mean gory fight), she is captured by them, and gets her left arm chopped off. She seeks shelter with her slain brother's slained friend's mother, who builds a high-powered machine gun to replace her left arm. Now, if that don't make you smile, you are not a B-movie fan.

Skills: She's a good hand-to-hand combatant, taking on Power-Ranger-esque ninjas, and other awesome crazy villians. And her greatest weapon, the Ash Williams-like machine gun is just crazy cool.

Paraphenlia: A machine gun where her left arm used to be. Enough said.

And that, my friends, are my selections for my Ultimate Sukeban-lead Girl Gang. There are tons more candidates to choose from, but I love my selection already! There are thoughts for other selections soon...I've been toying with the idea of a Blacula-lead Legion of Doom, made up of exploitation villains for my next piece...or the Ultimate Jailhouse Gang. Stay tuned!

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Ultimate Sukeban Gang Part Two

2010-03-31T14:36:00.000-07:00

We continue with our installments of the ultimate gang of Japanese delinquent girls, lead by the Boss With The Cross, Noriko(played by Miki Sugimoto). I forgot to mention in the last post that Saki Asamiya's, the Sukeban Deka(or Deliquent Schoogirl Detective) links to the government via the Sukeban Deka program, would give the group some immunity from your typical Japanese authority figure. Thus, if they run into another girl gang trying to challenge them on their home turf, for example, they wouldn't have to worry about running from the cops. The cops would basically look the other way with this gang involved, and would even help them; after all, with this gang wiping out the competition, crime would become extinct soon enough!

So, let's continue in building this street-fighting force:

My fourth pick would be: Kyoko Nakamura, Marbles Okyo

Played By: Haruko Sagara

Application Status: My exposure to Marbles Okyo is even more limited than Saki Asamiya's. She is prominant in the 1987 Sukebandeka feature film, which essentially continues from the television series of the same name. Here, when introduced(or reintroduced initially in native Japan), she has become bored with her civilian life, and very eager to return to fighting criminals with Saki. She later assists in the mission to rescue two delinquent students from "Hell Castle", a horrific reform school on an island, where the students are being brainwashed to become sword-wielding soldiers.

Skills: They don't call her "Marbles" for her hairbob. Just as Saki is deadly with her yo-yo, Kyoko is a crack shot with marbles. That's right, marbles. In the film, she demonstrates her skill in the third act, laying out machine-gun-totin' soldiers with a flick of her fingers, and from miles away. Thanks to jaytiki on Youtube, here is a scene demonstrating how dangerous she is:

Paraphernalia: Just give her a bag of marbles. She'll go all Green Arrow and lay out buckets of goons for ya.

My fifth pick would be: Kyoko Kubo, Sappho of The Street

Played By: Seiko Saburi

Application Status: According to the ol' trusty Wikipedia, Sappho was an ancient Greek poetress, whose name and place of birth(Lesbos) has become synonymous with romantic love towards another woman. Remember in the early 1990s, when every comic company was putting together superteams like Lego blocks? Like, you had the powerhouse, or the big muscle guy, the speedster, the stoic leader, and the eye candy, the sexy female member? Well, in this line-up, Kyoko is the Temptress. Her skills are not for the battlefield, but for manipulation.

In Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom, Kyoko's skills shine best when she ambushes one of the main members of the school's peer disciplinary council in the bathroom, groping her erotically in the stall. For the wee ones tuning in, I'm not going to go into details, but let's just say after a few well-placed kisses, "Sappho" got what she wanted from the girl. Later, said girl is punished viciously...the punishment involved a light bulb and push-ups, and I won't go any further.

Skills: She's not call Sappho of the Street for nothin'. Her sexual charms and skill are potent enough to make one of the main disciplinary committee members temporarily turn against her crew to help her.

Paraphenalia: Her smile.

My sixth pick is: GoGo Yubari

Played By: Chiaki Kuriyama

Application Status: Wolverine. Sentry. Batman. Some comic superteams have those members that are so frightening, so crazy, that their fellow members go out of their way NOT to make eye contact with them. In this gang, Gogo Yubari, from Quentin Tarentino's Kill Bill saga, would fill that position. Gogo is nuts...as demonstrated in Kill Bill Volume One, she has no qualms with killing even innocent people, like the harmless drunk man in the bar that she slices open with a katana. She's fearless as well, challenging the Bride(Uma Thurman) to a battle, despite the fact that the blonde warrior had demonstrated her sword skill.

Skills: Gogo seems to demonstrate some martial art skills in her battle with the Bride, as well as skill with the meteor hammer and the katana. Her most dangerous skill, however, is her penchant for ultraviolence and her blood-thirstiness.

Paraphanelia: To be honest, while she wields the meteor hammer in the movie, I would rather see her use the katana. I can picture her going into a beserker rage against the gang's enemies, and Noriko having to calm her down...

Well, two installments down, and maybe one or two to go...I don't know, I'm having fun. Feel free to comment, exploitation hounds!

It Came From The Video Store!: Cheerleader Ninjas

2010-03-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

Where do you go to find religious mothers trying to take over the Internet with pictures of the Pope? Or clashes between ninja cheerleaders and trashy Catholic schoolgirls? Or geeks in assorted Starfleet and Star Wars uniforms, who drink William Shatner Beer and sing one of the funniest songs known to B-movie kind? Or sex symbol Kira Reed, naked except for a blue cheerleader skirt and a smile? Welcome to the world of Cheerleader Ninjas.

The Front Row: Four cheerleaders from Happy Valley High, home of the Hamsters(with trademark Hamster-Cam...you have to see the movie to get what I'm talking about), are targeted by a band of fanatical Christian ladies, who see them as the main reason for the "smut" that dominates the Internet. The leader of the quartet, Angela(Angela Brubaker), and her band battle sexy Catholic schoolgirls led by a former gay male cheerleader who seeks revenge. And oh yeah, a villain behind the scenes known as Mr. X seeks to upload a virus onto the Internet, turning everyone into zombies.

Box of Whoppers(The Delicious): This movie throughly enjoys its B-movie trappings, including many hilarious scenes, and one of the greatest songs I've ever heard, sung by Maverick and his crew of nerds.

Sticky Floors(The Nasty): If you're not into sexual or toilet humor, this might not be for you.

Concession Stand(Where to Buy): You can see it here, on Hulu.

See Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVlZVMiPcgk

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Ultimate Sukeban Gang Part One

2010-03-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

If you don't know by now, I'm a huge fan of "B"-movies. I'm talking about those movies, back in the day, that were always on such wonderful cable television shows such as TNT's "Monstervision" or USA's "Up All Night". Let's face it, the term "B-movie" spans a huge chasm, ranging from the exploitation/drive-in movies of the 1950s,60s, and 70s, to the direct-to-video market that still is raging now days.

In a roundabout way, this brings me to the subject of this entry. While I was doing research for one of my novel projects, I happen to stumble upon a gem at a video store that I fell in love with instantly. The Japanese film, made in 1973, was titled Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom. It starred the lovely Miki Sugimoto(who would later star in the ONLY good Zero Woman movie, Zero Woman: Red Handicuffs) as the awesome Boss With The Cross, who leads a group of girls to rebel against the manipulative authority figures of their school. I would later learn that this movie was known as a pink film - Japanese exploitation films with softcore porn elements. And just like America has hot biker chicks in exploitative biker films, pink films would feature sukeban protagonists.

A Sukeban is a Japanese term for a "delinquent school girl leader" or "Girl Boss". Essentially, its a title, similar to Captain...i.e., the leader of a group of delinquent school girls. For example, in one of my other favorite pink films, Girl Boss Revenge:Sukeban, Japanese Yakuza approach a gang and asks about the whereabouts of their sukeban(Miki Sugimoto starred in this one...although her gang is not as memorable or larger-than-life then in Lynch Law Classroom).

Sukeban characters permeate much of Japanese media. For example, Kino Makoto/Lita of Sailormoon has the traits of a Sukeban...she's fiesty, tough, and was rumored to have been kicked out of her old school for fighting(funny thing: wouldn't the Sailor Team be considered a gang?). Besides the Boss with the Cross, another of my favorite sukeban characters is Saki Asamiya, from Sukebandeka. Basically, she was this delinquent schoolgirl, who is taken in by the government and forced to fight crime by infiltrating high schools and fighting criminals.

So, this leads me to...what is the point of this article? Well, haven't you ever wanted to make your own team of adventurers for your own film? Or sports fans, maybe you always wanted to make your own dream team of players? Well...this is my dream gang of deliquent girls, lead by the ultimate sukeban...The Boss With The Freakin Cross.

So, without further adieu, let's begin:

My Sukeban of this gang would be: The Boss With The Cross:

Played by: Miki Sugimoto

Application Status: Earning her way as Sukeban of the gang, the Boss With The Cross or Noriko, in the film Lynch Law Classroom, purposely tries to steal a car, and smacks the owner when he catches her in the act, just to be sent to the delinquent school where the story takes place. Her reason? To get revenge on a peer student commitee set to control the populace with fear; they killed the second-in-command of her gang.

Skills: Noriko proves to be very tough and fearless, shouldering the torture of her newfound gang when they are caught by the commitee. This involves electric shock torture...with the ends placed in her unmentionables. She also proves to be an inspirational leader, initially forming a gang of five(with such common names as Junko the Junker, Sappho of the Street, and Razor-Blade Remi) and later inspiring the school to rise up and revolt against their masters.

Paraphenilia: Definately the awesome tattoo on the upper part of her right leg. That's cool stuff.

My second pick would be: Aki, The Water Assassin:

Played By: Sasa Handa(The girl in the center)

Application Status: If you haven't seen the awesome Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus The Undead, exploitation hounds, you're missing quite a crazy bundle of fun. Basically, check out my earlier post on it. Anyway, in the movie, Aki...and I'm not kidding here...is a "water assassin"...basically, she was trained by this perverted guy to...swim really good and kill in the water. And btw, I haven't mentioned how the guy can erotically subdue her with a flute. It's...er quite a sight to see(did I also forget to mention that Sasa is a Japanese porn actress?)

Skills: Aki proves she's a force to be reckoned with: taking on a ruler-wielding zombie math teacher with only a bat and a sneer, battling her perverted trainer with swim team paraphenalia like bladed swimming fins, nose-clip throwing stars, and a sexy swimsuit, and polishing off her final foe with a very, very well-placed laser gun hidden where the sun doesn't shine.

Paraphanelia: Sexy swimsuit, bladed swimming fins, nose-clip throwing stars, and a metal bat. And you thought Batman was bad, with all of his bat-themed weapons...

My third pick would be: Saki Asamiya, The Sukeban Deka

Played By: Yoko Minamino(who seems a lot nicer than the anime version...)

Application Status: My exposure to Sukeban Deka or Delinquent Schoolgirl Detective is limited somewhat; I was exposed to the character originally through the OVA(original video animation) and later, the awesome(imo) 1987 feature film. Either way it goes, Saki is a tough cookie in any form; in the anime, she was a real hardcase, but in the movie, she's not only kicking butt with a yo-yo, but she's Power Rangering the baddies as well! I would have used the recent Saki, but I decided to stick with the 1987 version; apparently, just like the Phantom, the name of Saki Asamiya is a role passed down to any deserving delinquent girl that the government needs to root out criminals in Japanese high schools.

Skills: Besides vague superhuman skills(such as leaping in the air, sentai-style, against the main villian in the movie), Saki is mighty tough, taking torture without batting an eye, standing up to gun-wielding helicopters...and bring that mofo down with a yo-yo. That's right, her trademark weapon is a yo-yo, which comes with a hidden badge. To gain the assistance of the authorities, she often opens the yo-yo up and displays said badge, which also gives her the power to arrest criminals.

Paraphenlia: The yo-yo. She can do more than "walk the dog" with it, once drilling a hole inside a man with it(see the 1987 movie, if you don't believe me!)

Frustration...and the "College Trap"

2010-03-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

Should it really be that hard for a college graduate to find a career job?

It seems that way for lovable 'ol me. Nearly three years out of University, and I have yet to find a job. I'd admit...I graduated from school cocky. I thought I would have the whole world as a platter to eat from. And here I am now, stuck in a dead-end part-time job, with no end in sight. Reason? Experience. I don't have any.

Unfair, isn't it? Nearly 8 years of school, only to be turned away constantly because of no experience...and no suitable jobs in your metropolitian area.

Still, I have to keep my head up, and remember that the Lord will bless me, as long as I have faith in him. I'm still working on my writing, currently working on a novella and hopefully will be working on my novel soon.

The reason I haven't been updating the site is simply because I currently lack the resources for it. My Internet time is limited. I plan to remedy that soon, someway...and so far, I've had some article ideas I want to do...like "The Ultimate Sukeban Team"...Sukeban is Japanese for Delinquent School Girl.

Basically, I wanted to make a dream team of "Sukebans" from Japanese movies like Sukebandeka and Lynch Law Classroom, two of my favorites...and maybe Machine Girl, another of my favorites:).

Japanime: Code Geass: Lelouch of The Rebellion

2010-02-11T16:43:00.000-08:00

In the various fictional worlds of superpowered individuals, there has been one seemingly mundane human trait that can overwhelm even the most powerful of paranormals: the human intellect. That is why, in the DC Universe, Batman is easily the most dangerous among the “gods” who walk among men. That is why, in the Marvel cosmos, Captain America, a mere man, has led teams of heroes that include antediluvian gods, cosmic-scale beings, and humans with massive and astonishing power. And on NBC's Heroes, Noah Bennett, the former Company Agent who is fully human, is considered superhuman because of his extensive knowledge of the enhanced humans that he has hunted in his previous life.

Lelouch Lampange, the title character of this anime, can literally control the mind of anyone he comes across simply with direct eye contact, thanks to a power called “Geass”. However, as Lelouch demonstrates well throughout the first season of Code Geass(25 episodes), it is not the power itself that is dangerous...but the cunning human intellect that can point it in the right direction.

Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion is an epic war story set in an alternate universe, 17 years in the future, where Great Britain, as the Brittanian Empire, is a massive superpower that has taken over much of the world surface. In fact, in the prologue scenes, it is clearly implied that Brittania's seat of power is an alternate universe United States. The nation of Japan, in 2010, had been conquered by the Empire, and renamed Area 11. Already stripped of their nationalistic identity, the native Japanese(dubbed Elevens) are treated harshly as second-class citizens, and regarded by most of the Brittanians with extreme prejudice.

On the eve of the conquest of Japan, our title character, then a young boy of ten years old, vows to his Japanese friend Suzaku Kururugi to destroy Brittania. His motivations are not selfless heroism or naviety, however; years ago, his mother, the fifth wife of Brittania's Emperor, was murdered violently before his younger sister Nunnally, rendering her unable to walk and open her eyes. Lelouch, then a Prince of Brittania, fled with his sister to Japan before the conquest, hooking up with the the son of the Japanese Prime Minister, the aformentioned Suzaku.

The series itself begins 17 years later, where Lelouch has assumed a new identity, and attends a prestigous school where he and his young sister also live. His friend Suzaku has become an Honorary Brittanian in the Brittanian Army, a position held by Elevens that are deemed worthy by the Empire. The two old friends meet in an incident, where the Army is tranporting a secret project, publicly described as gas. However, said project is revealed to be something entirely different...something that will reignite Lelouch's passion for destroying Brittania through the spectacular masked alter-ego known as Zero.

One of the wonderful things about this anime is its uncompromising portrayal of war. War is dirty and nasty, and usually, it is not divided so neatly between the traditional lines of good and evil. As Zero, Lelouch gets his hands dirty in a lot of situations, which often leads to unexpected twists. The cast of characters, on both sides of the conflict, add to the great story...from the stoic devotion of Suzaku to "change Brittania" by following the rules, to Kallan Stadtfeld's iron devotion to Zero and his rebellion. And it being a Sunrise production, there is that subtle nod towards the "Gundam Role"...i.e. the character with the biggest, baddest robot that can almost singlehandly shift the tide of war. This is embodied in Suzaku's Lancelot's experimental Knightmare Frame, with its powerful Yggdrasil Drive.

I'm currently in Season 2, and man...what a doozy. There are even more twists and turns...spoiler....keep your eyes on the Chinese Federation. And Lelouch/Zero...the intellect is awesome in action.

This is one of the best anime I've ever seen in my life so far. Check it out, seriously.

It Came From The Video Store!: Andre The Butcher

2009-11-12T21:56:00.000-08:00

One has to admire the creators of 2006's Andre The Butcher for keeping their biggest surprise underwraps: famous(or infamous, depends on the side of the issue you stand) porn star and VH-1 Surreal Life participant Ron Jeremy as the title antagonist...a supernatural killer with a welder's mask, bloody dress-clothes, and a penchant for hunting humans, devouring their remains, and harvesting their souls for the big head honcho of Hell.

The Front Row: Three female cheerleaders, stoic team captain Jasmine(April Billingsley), flirtatious Cookie(Heather Joy Budner, complete with No Nudity Clause), and portly Kristy(Liz Mullins) are being escorted to cheerleader regionals by their male cheerleader companion, Jimbo(Justin Capaz) through the isolated backwoods of Florida. When the foursome crash their car, thanks to erotic shenanigans between Cookie and Jimbo, they, seeking help, discover a fully-furnished house in the middle of nowhere.

Taking refuge there, they are soon stalked by Andre, but not before a parade of bizarre characters show up at the homestead: two recently escaped convicts, Hoss(Maury Sterling) and Tober(Alan Fessenden), Sheriff Cooper(Terry Mross), and Coffy-inspired Deputy Hollingsworth(Faye Canada). All of the bloody proceedings are told by the Narrator(Gene Hash), who makes it clear that his “gay cheerleaders” only mean spirited and cheerful cheerleaders.

Box of Whoppers(The Delicious): Despite sharing some cliches with numerous straight-to-video slasher films, Andre the Butcher manages to showcase effort in the story department not shared by its fellow DVD horror titles. Instead of relying only on the novelty of Ron Jeremy's role, the creators introduces a few twists and turns to the narrative, such as Andre's true motives, Hoss's true identity, and for the exploitative fan in all of us, Jasmine's secret sexual desires. The film also provides several fun characters, such as a deputy, sliced in half by Andre, that continues to live...and begs anyone stumbling upon him to put him out of his memory.

Sticky Floors(The Nasty): The floors are not sticky in this film.

Concession Stand(Where to Buy): Andre The Butcher can be purchased at any bargain bin at Blockbuster Video.

See Trailer: